so lets see……how can i describe GWAR as anything but….rad

i seriously got straight ownd by those guys last nigth it was so awesome… but yeah, we headed down to seattle around like six or something, and like half of the people who were going to go with us totally flaked out, including jakub, who was supposed to drive us. but chris was coming with so me, him and adam all piled into his 80’s toyota pickup. if that description doesn’t clue you in, then i’ll explain. an 80’s toyota truck is NOT designed to hold anything more than two people. even two people is a bit of a stretch. so not only are three of us crammed in there, but the thing is manual as well, so me, sitting in the middle had to constantly shy away from the stick shift, while adam was scrunched against the door. so we rode down to redmond first, cause i needed some stuff from my parents and anyways, i needed to see how my dad was doing. and he was in good spirits cause when he learned that goatwhore qwas gonna be opening up for gwar, he chimed in saying “oh man you mean goatwhore’s going to be there? i have all their LP’s!” but yeah, of course my parents gave us really good food and whatnot and when we took off, i grabbed a half gallon of OJ, cause we all had 40’s and planned on making brass monkies.

so we all crammed into chris’s car again and drove to seattle, and while heading towards the showbox, we ended up going around pioneer square, which was rad cause it was loaded with lotsw of fairly drunk people, looking to see boobs. and of course, ther was the entire seattle police department there. i think there was about one cop for every 6 square feet. which kinda put us in a spot cause we needed someplace to drink, none of us being 21 and all. so we went to this pike place indoor place which was real classy and everything. infact it reminded me of driving back from work with ben, cause it was the parking lot that everytime we drove by, there were always gomers on the top level looking out at whatever view of west seattle that was so great…. but yeah, me and adam pounded our 40’s but chris reaaaaally had to take a shit, so we took the bags off of our 40’s and told him to shit in that. so he took them over between his car, and this expedition we had parked next to, and within seconds he was back with us, and we asked if he had, and sure enough he did…..but not in the paper bag like we expected, i took a look over where he had been and sure enough, there was a pretty sizeable pile of shit there. so we laughed, and we realized we’d been there for awhile so we needed to head to the show. before that thoguh, chris had barley finsihed half of his 40 so adam and i decided to finish it…but it ended up beign mostly me. after one particularily long chug, i said very calmly “man, i took too much” and proceeded to have a very hefty projectile vomit. it was hilarious…and then we all pised in the place just to know that we’d left shit, piss, and vomit all over this parking lot. i made sure to piss on the viaduct, it was rad.

so yeah we walked to the showbox, and this thing was completley sold out, while we were walking there we saw this group of kids, and were yelling gwar at them. and they said that they couldn’t get in cause it was sold out. there was like 8 of them, and we told them we only had one ticket, but apparently this one guy who didn’t know any of them ran up to us screaming “YOU HAVE A TICKET?!?!” and he gave us some wadded up money for it, which incidentally ended up being 20 dollars. this guy was one of the happiest guys i had seen in awhile, it made me glad that we had given the ticket to someone so deserving, cause he pretty much threw the money at me and ran to the showbox screaming and jumping up and down, it was great.

so we get in and unfortunatly, we missed goatwhore, but we got in for god forbid, which was pretty rad, cause they were just pounding out the metal and they had this huge black guy screaming. so we spent some time in treh mosh pit, surrounded by all these metal heads. it was amazing how packed that place was. and pretty much all of them were hardcore metal heads. there was this one guy who was way gone, but he was trying to get the whole crowd pumped for gwar coming out, and got discouraged when no one was joining in. “i can’t do all the screaming for the crowd….” is what he kept saying when he realized he had failexd. it was funny cause along the insides of his biceps was “east coast” each word having its own inner bicep. that guy was hilarious.

so gwar comes on, and let me tell you, nothing could prepare me for the carnage. these guys had the greatest costumes, and they were just ripping it up. lets see…they brought out mike tyson, osama bin laden, george W. bush, and the pope and a t-rex. of course all of them they cut off their heads with a huge foam swoard they had, and they squirted the crowd with fake blood every 10 minutes or so. and of course, the fake pissing ont he crowd as well.and at the end they brought out this alien’s like looking gatling gun thing that just drenched anyone who hadn’t already been caoted with fake blood. and teh mosh pit was great, there weren’t that many crowd surfers, so you didn’t have to worry too much about some dumbass kid falling on the back of your head, and it was hot though. it was damn near like doing heavy aerobics with weights tied to you for an hour, in a sauna. but it was so great, i was totally nito it and just running around, trying to push my way tot he front. which was no easy task, and i only managed to do it once, just gotta tiem it so you’re on balance when others are not….

but yeah, the show ended and we were completly tired and still a bit drunk. when we made it back to the parking garage, we found out that the thing closes at 11:30 and the concert let out at 12:15 so our car was locked in the parking garage. it made us not very happy, cause we were so tired and wanted to go home. they had these instructions on where to go to get teh car out of the garage though, but we had to walk 6 blocks, mostly uphill to another parking garage to get a keycard that would let us in. we didn’t have any ID when we got there thoguh, so we had to leave adam behind while we went back and got the car. but yeah, we ended up paying like 30 bucks for the parking and the fine…so that wasn’t so cool, but it was still pretty funny…welll, fitting at least. adam told us that it was the coldest he had ever been, and he like fell asleep sittin gthere and the parking attendant guy actually kept talkign at him till he woke up, that was pretty amusing…

but yeah, so we all crammed back into his car and headed back up to bellingham, and along the way stopped at taco bell, cause we were starving. the grande combo looked really good, but we were a buck short, so adam ran out to these two guys and pleaded witht hem , tat we were going to canada or something, and we only needed a dollar. i’m really not sure how that one worked, but we got our dollar, and we had 3 tacos, 3 soft tacos, and 4 bean burritos, and man, they were all magical.

so we got back, and i showered and passed out around 3:30…man, i don’t think i’ve had that much fun in a long time. i definatly want to got o more metal shows 🙂