so my tests went allright, i’ve just been too burned out to write bloggers, all i’ve been doing is chilling. but yeah, it has been beautiful, and i have spent the past two days, relaxing, lying in the sun, and reading.

but anyways all i have to say is that The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand is the most inspiring, and well written book i have ever read, and everyone should read it as a favor to themselves

man, i haven’t blogged in over a week….mostly cause i’ve been damn busy this week. today has been the pinnacle of the suckiness, where i have 3 tests today. math and chem went fine, and in a half hour i have my bio test. that and two lab writeups this week and other homework has kept me at the library most of this week.sigh…..so soon it will all be over and then i will have freedom, no pressing engagements, and a free weekend ahead of me. oh well guess i better review, can’t get caught up in the weekend…..yet……

dammit dammit dammit. i had a math quiz this morning, and i thought i knew the stuff that might be on it, but as usual with anything i go into without any real idea of what’s going to be on there, i go in very unconfidently of course. in fact when i think about it, i go into everytest lately thinking “well, what the hell is he goign to throw at me this time?” i feel like it always hasn’t been like this. i remember going into most tests, thinking “well i can pretty much expect what’s going to be on this test” but after being jerked around so much latley, i just can’t trust myself anymore. teachers are crafty, and will and try and pull anything on you to make sure that you understand everything that they’ve been teaching.

the problem is with most of them, that they’re throwing all these application problems in that screw everything up. i don’t know, it takes longer for stuff to absorb into me, even if i do a million examples and read and all that stuff. it just takews longer to absorb information, so i confuse thigns, because i have a pretty good understanding of the material, but i don’t have a complete one because it just takes time to absorb it and turn it over in your head to figure out what it actually is you’re doing. you can understand a math problem pretty well but when you throw in a few unit changes, and other mathematical rules, it just seems like that you lose track of things and confuse yourself easily. not to mention that you’re in a testing environment where you have tiem constraints and a completley silent room full of people that are doing hte same thing.

but yeah, this quiz, i had that feeling that i had done it wrong as soon as i handed it in. the quiz told me to draw an antiderivative based on the graph of the derivative that was given to me, and i drew the thing right, i know that, but i didn’t pay attention to the freaking values, i just forgot completley. and then as soon as i handed it in and looked at the overhead on the wall again, i realized that i had completley forgotten that there were indeed boundaries, and i couldn’t just put the graph wherever i pleased.

this is my problem with testing. its not like i don’t know the stuff, its just that there’s too much to keep track of, and i accidentlally forget a step or whatever, and get the whole thing wrong. this is where the teacher comes in. i mean, i drew the graph correct, but i didn’t put it int he right spot. so depending on the teacher i could get 4 out of 5 or 1 out of 5. i mean, this is the difference between getting a 6 out of 10 on a quiz, or a 9 out of 10. one is a D, the other is an A. i mean, and its all up to the damn teacher.

so does it mean that i don’t know this stuff just cause i got confused or something? there’s always like 3 or 4 mistakes on a test that i get back that are just like “how could i have thought that was right when i was working it out?” and i don’t know how to answer it.

but fuck it, its just a quiz, even if i get 6 out of 10 on it, that’s not a real significant part of my grade, but shit, i just realized today that i have my first chemistry test friday after this one, same as my first math test. man….

and its beautiful, i’m all ready for my bio lab, and i think i’ll get my swim out of the wy now, so i can just go home tonight and do whatever, cause i won’t hae any homework tonight….although there’s always some to do, it can just be put off…

wow….what a beautiful sunset….

what the hell? its really beautiful when i go to class at 9 am, and then it is already cloudy before i even get out of my first class. i then go for a swim and it is cloudy, and as soon as i step out of the gym, it proceeds to be bright and beautiful again. this elusive good weather…i bet it’ll rain in a few hours.

school school school, i just go there. i figure all the time i’m going to class, i should just be reading in the library, cause more than likley, i can learn enough out of the book. i figure just reading will keep my brain active enough….but i guess then i wouldn’t know what was on the tests. and since basically testing is the only form of evaluation, i would be shooting myself in the foot. there really has to be a better way to gauge your learning and proficiency in a subject than 2 tests. i mean, if you turn in all the homework and labs and do all the quizzes, that’s about 30% of your grade. the other 70% is mostly 2 tests and a final.70% of your grade depends on 3 days of the class. i really think that’s pretty rediculous.

but yeah reading, i have become more of a voracious reader than i have been in a long time. days back in high school when i would fall asleep everynight reading a book. i remember always waking up in he middle of the night with my reading light blasting in my face, my book on the floor, and drool all over me. now that basically has been replaced by the library here, minus the reading light though. i finished of mice and men yesterday and that was really a good book, i swear i almost cried when i got to the end, the metaphor was just so powerful that it took me completley off guard. but yeah, i picked up another bulkier book this time (i’ve mostly been reading short stories or novels, the kind that are barley 200 pages or something) called The Fountainhead. i really hadn’t heard much about it at all, just that a bunch of people on the internet seemed to reccommend it, and i started reading it today, and went through a 7th of it (100 pages) and this book is really good too. its one of those books that seem to put things in perspective for a bit, like after you finish reading it for an hour or so, you walk around kinda aloof, still digesting everything that you just took in, but at the same tiem you feel really good and happy. i don’t know how to explain it, its just that kind of book.

oh man, i went to the greatest resturant tonight. (i love it when my parents come up). we went to a place called the kyoto steakhouse, where they have the hibachi’s right in the middle of the table, so you get your own personal cook who whips up all your food in front of you. and not only was it some of the best food i’ve had in awhile, but the cooks are completley rad. this guy was throwing around his spatula and his meat poker thing like they were toys, he was just flinging them all over the place, it was great. my favorite move was when he flung spun an egg on the hibachi, flung it up almost to the ceiling, then caught it on the back of the spatula. then while the egg was still spinning, he threw the egg back up again and turned his spatula sideways and let the egg fall on it, splitting the shell in half and leaving the egg perfect on the hibachi. it was relaly impressive to say the least. not too expensive either, considering how good the food was and how much they gave you (it ended up being about 15 bucks for me).

but i am ruined now, cause i stuffed myself full, then thought it would be a great idea to go swimming after that, and i didn’t cramp up or anything, but i was definatly not in top form, and it was much more tiring, cause all that blood that’s supposed to be delivering nutrients and oxygen to my muscles was off trying to digest the first meat i’ve probably had in a week. so i am pretty tired right now…i should probably do some hw or something…

but yeah before i do that, i had one more thing i just thought of, i know most of you reading this have heard me going on about the avalanches and everything, but i don’t think anyone really digs them as much as i do. regardless, this is my blogger and i’ll damn well write about whatever the hell i want. but yeah, i noticed that most of the tiem i have a cd that i listen to alot for a bit, and this is one of those guys, but the one thing that was different was that the songs i get stuck in my head with this cd aren’t the ones i like the best, they’re the ones that i listened to last before i turned off my cd player. this caught me off gaurd today, cause most of the albums that i’ll listen too have a few songs that just shine above the rest, and i would listen to those ones more than the other tracks. this one also has ones that shine above the rest as well, but i still just listen it throguh everytime, and even the ones that i don’t think are teh greatest still stick in my head after listening. its interesting to me….

i’ve noticed latley that i can either keep a blogger, or i can keep a journal. it seems like its impossible to keep both running. i mean, its hard enough for me to do even one of them, but i flipped through my journal, and i looked through my blogger, and i noticed why it was difficult to keep both of them going. the subject matter in them is very very different. while i’ll admit i don’t censor my stuff in blogger too much, its just that the stuff in the journal is way more introspective. its not like i mind sharing stuff too much, but most of the stuff int he journal is random, scattered….bascially me just thinking on paper. i know my blogs aren’t that structured, but i do put a little thought into them so that they read in a coherent fashion. so i kinda got down to the point where i realized that i’ll do one more than the other depending on my mood.

so basically, i think that if i don’t blog for about a week or so, either

a. i’m desperatly tryign to figure out some aspect of my life by scratchign things down on paper, hoping that it can somehow bring me the revelations i need, or

b. the internet, or blogger.com is fucked up

could be either one….

ahhhh, just missed the downpour, managed to make it safley home before the torrential downpour…phew. hmmm actually its not like it would have really mattered, its not like my house is that far from school. its just that i am stupid and don’t wear a parka or anything, just a fleece. and for low rain purposes, that is fine, its not like the fleece gets soaked easily. but now….i would have come int he house like i had just stepped out of the shower. which would have been rad i guess, i could have walked around and given everyone a big hug.

but yeah, i was about to put on some music, when i glanced out the window for a second and decided that i would rather just open my window and listen to the rain. because i mean, i listen to music when i go to school. there is constantly music playing around the house when people are up. i really do think that music is a beautiful, wonderful thing, but how often do i actually sit in a silent place? i’ve noticed that its less and less often today. i noticed that today swimming. when i go running, i can listen to music and think about whatever i want to, becasue its just automatic response to run. you don’t have to think, you just kinda go. with swimming, all i can think about is how many strokes until my next breath, how many till the end of the pool, what lap i’m on, etc. with the amount of focus that i have to put into it, the time does go alot faster, and i don’t really get that tired. but i knida miss the time to be contemplative…but maybe it doesn’t relaly matter. i’ll probably have to give it a few weeks to find out. i definatly think i’ll incorporate some swimming into my regimene even when i can start running again. otherwise, running everyday will be murder on my knee…

whoa….silence in the house is kinda cool, i’m gonna enjoy this before i do my homework

i hate when you blog and it shows up on your “edit your blog” page, but then it doesn’t actually go to your page, man that’s stupid

man, this whole spring forward thing…i mean, its cool and all that its light out now, i mean, pretty soon the sun will be setting around 9 or something. it doesn’t seem like too long ago that it was getting dark at 4 pm everyday. its sooo much nicer though cause it goes along with my more nocturnal clock, cause i do like to do things outside, its just that normally i can’t get myself going early enough to really enjoy a full day. but actually when i think more about this, it mostly takes eveyone else i’m going to do stuff with longer. i think proportionally the more peopel that you have to get motivated to go do something, the much longer it takes, but inherently, the more fun it can be. i mean, i know i have alot more fun going with like 6 or 7 friends to go play ultimate frisbee is more fun than running or swimming or biking, which most of the time is just going outside to do something outside. but at the same time, it takes like an extra hour or so to get to the point where you can line up everyone’s schedules and get everyone out there. which is allright sometimes, but damn, when its a beautiful day out, and i’ve been at school all day, i don’t want to sit around and wait for people, i want to get outside and do something NOW. which is why i like running so much. i mean, its great to be able to go outside and just do it at your own pace, think about whatever you want to, and rock out to some music while doing it. after all of the sitting around in school, i don’t want to come home and wait around some more before i go outside, i want to eat a snack and just get out there and do it dammit. but yeah, enough griping about that i think…

i picked up and read farenheit 451 a few days ago. it only took me a few hours to read, cause it is a novel for ray bradbury, considerign his short stories, but it still is only like 170 pages or something…but yeah, i knew that it was one of those classic books that they make you read in high school and stuff (which more than a few people commented to me)and i really enjoyed it. i mean, it’s one of those books that you realize why they assign it to high school reading. granted it probably would have sucked all the life out of it if i was forced to write a few papers about it or discuss it with a class or something. but what was kinda disturbing to me was when i was reading it, i mostly read it outside cause it was such a nice day outside, and basically this is how it went with everyone i knew who came up to me:

“hey, what’s up, what are you reading?”

“farenheit 451”

“are you reading it for a class?”

“no”

“then why are you reading it?”

and that’s what was distressing to me, the fact that most people that i know read only when they have to, and don’t really derive any pleasure from it. its not like i think that people who don’t read for pleasure are depriving themselves or stupid or antyhing, its just when they get to the point that they think that reading is worthless, hence the “then why are you reading it?”. i don’t know, i guess it does kinda bother me that i can’t relaly think of anyone off the top of my head that reads for pleasure, but its not that bad i guess. people get busy priorities get rearranged and whatnot. its just a shame i think…

but yah, i think i’m gonna do alittle homework here…cause if i don’t do it now, i’ll end up being dragged to the bars without it finished, i need some water too, swimming relaly sucks all the moisture out of you, instead of that sweaty drenched feeling you get after running, your skin feels relaly dry after swimming, its kinda funny to me

blog blog blog….man, i haven’t really blogged in awhile, and i’m bored so i might as well do somethign semi productive i guess…arrrgh, ok so i saw the doctor yesterday, and now i gotta go see an orthopedic surgeon on monday, and i also have to start doing physical therapy on monday as well. man, this is gonna be a much longer road to recovery than i thought…

well the house is spotless again, cause whenever i get bored on the weekends (which has been alot more, since i can’t really do anythign active) i clean this place up. so now that i’ve spent time doing that, i relaly don’t have anythign to do, which is why i’m here i guess. i’m distracted though, cause now people are starting to talk to me, and i really do want to blog. but yeah, what was i thinking about while i was outside? oh yeah, about last night, man apparently i got pretty fucked, we were drinking alot of 100 proof vodka, and i probably overdid it as usual. i blacked out sometime around 2 in the morning or something, and that’s only like the second time i’ve blacked out. bah, i guess i couldn’t really talk or anything, it must have been pretty funny.

other thought i had outside was about the flowers that were blooming outside. i mean, flowering plants are a pretty crazy deal. for them to reproduce they have to depend on sheer random chance to get fertilized. they either have to have wind blow the male pollen to the female flower or it has to be carried by an insect. and even though this is a very chaotic and random system, flowers and pretty much any flowering plant has managed to flourish incredibly. i mean, if we wiped out insects, then there would be a huge decreses in flowering plants. the frequency of pollenation would go down so much that it would probably slowly kill them out. i mean, its very survival depends on something else being around. i guess that it makes sense though, i mean if you take away water or sunlight too, they’ll die out or whatever. its just wierd to integrate another animal into all the other basic neceities for survival. everything surviving on this planet has a balance that stems from everything else, i guess that’s what i was thinking about mostly, that everything kinda leans up against everything else to survive, and if enough supports are taken out, then you can’t really stay standing anymore. its just wierd to me that flowers would evolve in such a way…passive impregnation versus active. anywas, now i think i’m just rambling, but whatever, i think i’m just too easily distractable right now.

bah, i don’t want to get drunk tonight, but i know i will, cause i won’t have anything better to do and we still have alcohol left. bah