dammit dammit dammit. i had a math quiz this morning, and i thought i knew the stuff that might be on it, but as usual with anything i go into without any real idea of what’s going to be on there, i go in very unconfidently of course. in fact when i think about it, i go into everytest lately thinking “well, what the hell is he goign to throw at me this time?” i feel like it always hasn’t been like this. i remember going into most tests, thinking “well i can pretty much expect what’s going to be on this test” but after being jerked around so much latley, i just can’t trust myself anymore. teachers are crafty, and will and try and pull anything on you to make sure that you understand everything that they’ve been teaching.

the problem is with most of them, that they’re throwing all these application problems in that screw everything up. i don’t know, it takes longer for stuff to absorb into me, even if i do a million examples and read and all that stuff. it just takews longer to absorb information, so i confuse thigns, because i have a pretty good understanding of the material, but i don’t have a complete one because it just takes time to absorb it and turn it over in your head to figure out what it actually is you’re doing. you can understand a math problem pretty well but when you throw in a few unit changes, and other mathematical rules, it just seems like that you lose track of things and confuse yourself easily. not to mention that you’re in a testing environment where you have tiem constraints and a completley silent room full of people that are doing hte same thing.

but yeah, this quiz, i had that feeling that i had done it wrong as soon as i handed it in. the quiz told me to draw an antiderivative based on the graph of the derivative that was given to me, and i drew the thing right, i know that, but i didn’t pay attention to the freaking values, i just forgot completley. and then as soon as i handed it in and looked at the overhead on the wall again, i realized that i had completley forgotten that there were indeed boundaries, and i couldn’t just put the graph wherever i pleased.

this is my problem with testing. its not like i don’t know the stuff, its just that there’s too much to keep track of, and i accidentlally forget a step or whatever, and get the whole thing wrong. this is where the teacher comes in. i mean, i drew the graph correct, but i didn’t put it int he right spot. so depending on the teacher i could get 4 out of 5 or 1 out of 5. i mean, this is the difference between getting a 6 out of 10 on a quiz, or a 9 out of 10. one is a D, the other is an A. i mean, and its all up to the damn teacher.

so does it mean that i don’t know this stuff just cause i got confused or something? there’s always like 3 or 4 mistakes on a test that i get back that are just like “how could i have thought that was right when i was working it out?” and i don’t know how to answer it.

but fuck it, its just a quiz, even if i get 6 out of 10 on it, that’s not a real significant part of my grade, but shit, i just realized today that i have my first chemistry test friday after this one, same as my first math test. man….

and its beautiful, i’m all ready for my bio lab, and i think i’ll get my swim out of the wy now, so i can just go home tonight and do whatever, cause i won’t hae any homework tonight….although there’s always some to do, it can just be put off…