is this the week that didn’t exsist?

i’ve been slightly confused by this week as of so far. everything seems unreal and distant. well not so much distant as detatched. like everything, my family, my job, my friends, its like i feel like i don’t fit in with anything right now. and its not like i’m freaking out about it or anything, but it just makes things wierd this week.

i guess i kinda feel like some puppet that is just kinda going throught the motions this week, but i don’t really want to deal with any of it, no matter what it is. but then again, if i had a choice about how to make this feeling go away, i wouldn’t know what to substitute it with, i don’t even know what brought it on.

hmmm, that’s odd, nothing brought it on, so i suppose nothing will take it away. that’s a funny statement, because if nothing can take it away, then it will never leave, but i know it will go away, so something’s gotta take it away, but since i don’t know how to identify what it is, it’ll seem like nothing to me. that’s some cracked out shit. or i’d like to think it is.

good god, i haven’t blogged since the weekend, which was rad. friday was alot of wine drinking, and then going to see goldmember with a bunch of people. i swear, if you turn off my brain for even just a asecond, it decides its time to catch up on sleep and let my body rest. so you get me drunk, sit me in a adark, warm theater, and what do you get? me wasting 8 bucks on a movie, cause i can’t remember a shred of it. so although there was that period of passing out for an hour and a half during the movie, getting there and leaving was pretty damn hilarious. all i can say is that matt is perhaps the GREATEST buffoon ever. not only did he at one time jump up on a counter at hollywood video and pull his pants down in front of some unsuspecting female employee, he also stands in line for austin powers, talking very loudly about sluts, while there are lots of girls around. matt, i love you.

but yeah, saturday was busy, with going to the mariners game which was a blast. mikey, dan, brandy, and i sat around right field so brandy got to stare at ichiro’s ass all game, and we just got drunk and acted like complete buffoons the entire game. i can now say that i am truly a man cause i got drunk at a baseball game, and made an ass out of myself, with no regrets. it was one of the best baseball games i’ve gone to.

and the massive, was indeed massive, but i gotta go home now, so i’ll write about that soon…hopefully.

life is surreal.

i was about to suggest leaving work, but then i saw ben blogging, and i though that i might as well. i haven’t really thought anything through to write a out, not like i think i ever do….

its friday and its beautiful, during school i kinda looked forward tot he weekends, but now that i’m working, i REALLY look forward to them. even if most of the time all i do is end up sitting on my ass, but there’s nothing wrong with that. actually this weekend’s gonna be kinda busy with mariner games and jakub’s party. so i’m probably gonna be even more tired for work next week, but it will be rad.

hmmm, its funny, i don’t feel like i have anything insightful to say right now, normally i have something to talk about, but i’m just in one of those moods where i don’t want to think. it might be the work atmosphere, but i really haven’t been concerning myself with anything more than the next 5 minutes ahead of me. in the next 5 minutes, i’m guessing i’m gonna be out the door and on my way to safeway to buy wine.

buy wine.

drink wine.

slurp it down.

mm mm good.

puke.

is that the way its supposed to go? i remember vaugly going to blanchard one night after talking to the box of franzia more than a few times, and the drive made me sick. and i was ridiculed by adam and jakub, as i rightly deserved. wine, just drink it.

cripes! my head! it can’t decide which way it wants to go. too much bodily energy to have my mind focus on anything.

dumbass me

hurts his knee

jumped like a flea

landed stupidly

writhing on the ground in agony

actually it wasn’t that bad, i mean i could walk about a minute afterwards, and i didn’t even do antyhing that stupid. i’m sick of this knee. i’ve been slaving over it for the past 3 months now with physical therapy and it still as unstable as ever. i think its about time my body went on strike from my knee. dammit knee! if i’m gonna treat you so good, you better get better! but nooooooo, you don’t want to get any better so now its time for correctional surgery. time for the knife, knee! see how you like being cut and drilled and reattached, it’s your own damn fault!

tenses are funny, i could switch my tense mid-sentance and suddenly i’m there, beliving in jesus the man who saved us all from the rapture of evil dogs such as myself who keep trying to climb houses up their northside when obviously its the southside is the one to traverse. but when trying this you have to make sure to keep your pimp hand strong, lest ye fall to certain enlightenment. at which point you can sit around, point at all the funny elves and say “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”. this makes the elves mad though so they widen their eyes and run in circles screaming about the injustice of the poor baby calfs in new zealand. what calfs they speak of, we shall never know, but it gets you thinking about your full frontal assault of needles on the roof of a speeding train, which is just bad in general, so you push it out of your head. but it falls tot he ground and shatters into a million pieces leaving you with a million splinters in your pinky toe. the pain is so unbearable and pleasant that you run around screaming at the top of your lungs with joy. this calls the god of hunting though, cause obviously only hunters can exact that same scream of shameful pain and shameful joy. he’ll ask “what seems to be the kerdunkle?” to which you reply “my gopher left me!” and he replies “it was because you were insensitive and analized things too much, and besides, you’re a total jackoff” to which you reply “oh, i always thought of myself as more of a gomer, as opposed to a jack off”

GOOD GOD MAN, GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT!

keep them in line, or they take over your brain stem, which could be a good or bad thing depending on what type of star you look at first when you look up at the sky at noon. most people only see the sun, but they realize that after they see the sun, they can close their eyes and see a bunch of stars. depending on which of those stars you see first, will determine your course in life. its a rip rolling, out of control roller coaster ride and the brakeman decieded that he’d rather go shoot pool with his dogs than sit around pulling a brake lever all day. and i don’t blame him, he has his priorities straight. i mean, dogs that can play pool? i’m so there with a bag of cherries, cause pool playing dogs like cherries. what’s that? you don’t like cherries? WELL TOO BAD! its not your choice to let the dogs know if they like cherries or not, its their own stupid choice. they mostly end up spitting the pits back at you too and bark delightedly, with glee as well. so maybe i won’t do that. maybe i’ll have a nice frosty glass of beer instead, but to procure this beer takes alot of work like the removing of hands from plastic and the movement of feet upon woven cotton and various plastic and stone, and a million other carbon based walking surfaces that this world produces.

goddamn, i could go on like this for awhile, i should stop though, cause really i want to get home from work….

or do i?

sit, stare, sit, stare, then sit and stare some more. good god, today seems unreal after last night. i ate some gnarly pizza and ended up unable to sleep all last night and most of today cause i was too busy reeling in agonizing pain as i sat on the toilet. right now, its not funny cause i’m still woozy, and a bit drained from all this work my immune system needs to do. so here i sti at work, not getting much done, but getting more than’s expected of me, which is pretty funny cause its close to nothing. the expectations here are rediculous. i look around at my co-workers, and they have projects and stuff is expected of them. the things that are expected of them are rediculous, the amount of work and coordination they have to do is way too much for a couple of people. but me? nothing is expected of me, and i only give them slightly more than that. my job is rad, food poisoning is not. wudar

so its official, collin is a ho. ditichin out on me liek that, like he’s got better things to do or something. haha, i really don’t care, but i still gotta give him shit for this i believe. lazy weekends are great, when you don’t have anythikng to worry about except the fact that you have to get up at 7 in the morning on monday. i just sat around, read, played vids, and went on a leisurly bike ride. its nice to be able to be close enough to large popular parks like gasworks and greenlake. i love parks up in bellingham, but i think i have a different respect for them as opposed to seattle parks. up in bellingham, they’re gorgeous and picturesque and bastions of wildlife. in seattle, they’re bastions of scantly clad women. hahaha, nothing beats riding around for a couple of hours then making your way to a park, resting and just watchign the scenery.

man, what a day, its beautiful out, i got off of work early, and i got an evening full of possibilities ahead of me. of course i can kinda already predict what’s going to happen this evening, and none of its too exciting, but you never know when something might happen….like a jet engine falling out of the sky and hitting your house.

wudar, its so beautiful out that i have to give it its due by going out and running

worms make the dirt, and the dirt makes the earth….

i was thinking today while i was running how often i stereotype people. when i see a scantly clad girl with platform shoes and huge earrings, she’s a slut. if i see some guy dressed up like weezer he’s an emo head who thinks everyone is stupid . when i see some person who’s dressed goth style, i see a contemptous person who thinks life is pain. all this is automatic response though, but its strange that it should be so automatic. i guess its just ingrained in me or something. cause then i was thinking “well, what do i think of guys who don’t wear shirts while they run?” and then i realized that most of the time, its a musclebound meathead who gets his jollies off of belittling people, and isn’t that intelligent, and i know that’s not me, so why should i judge people otherwise? but that’s the thing, i don’t let that kind of thing interfere with how i interact with people, but i can’t help but think that it does because subconsciously, i’ve already type casted them. but i shoved that aside cause the next question that popped in my head was “what do people think when they look at me?” and normally when i have thought that i start thinking about what i actually do look like, and what i’m doing and everything, but this time i was just blank for a few seconds, and then i just countered myself with the question “who gives a fuck?” and i burst out laughing in the middle of my run, cause i truly didn’t give a fuck, and i got this wierd stare from this family in a house across the street, and i just smiled at them and kept running. i just remembered that right before i left i was telling myself “why the hell do you want to wear a shirt, you’re just gonna soak it in the first 2 minutes of your run, and then you’ll be out one more white shirt you can’t rewear until its washed” and seeing as i only have a few left anyways, and don’t want to do laundry, i just went without really thinking of it. but yeah the automatic response thing is funny, and i think i’ll be able to break out of it eventually…at least that’s my goal….

haha, collin should be home by now, it should be fun to catch up with that fool. i mean, with out me at my house in redmond he’s gonna have to hang with evan or something to get his pop and chips fix. i can just bet that my house in seattle is way too far out to get his ass over here. i’ll just tell scott to bring him over. man, i am loving this whole work weekend thing. no deadlines, no thinking, just beautiful routine during the work day, and coming back and doing whatever the hell i want when i get home. i do need a new book though. i did finish atlas shrugged a couple of days ago though, that was a great book….it was pretty much thinly disguised metaphysics, cause there would be story for a bit and then there would be an obvious tirade of 50 pages where ayn rand just goes off and lectures, but it really was a masterpiece of modern literature. the ideas contained in that book are just amazing….but hard to explain. its kinda against everything that i’ve ever learned but i think that it makes more sense. it talks about each man being and end in himself rather than a means, and that the reason that people today are lost and unhappy are because they think that they are a means. and because they think they are a means, they are forced to depend so much on other people, that they lose a sense of themselves, and since they have no sense of themselves, tehy can’t ever be happy, because its all depends on what other people tell you, as opposed to what you tell yourself. and jeez, that’s only part of it…theres a bunch of philosiphy about government, society, etc. i basically thought that this was a beautiful refute to the grapes of wrath….i couldn’t reccomend this book enough, because all the ideas are solid and very thought provoking, but its a shame cause i know many people won’t read either that book, or the fountainhead because they’re pretty dense reads and both are over a thousand pages….ah well, if you can i say do it.

ahhh, time for dinner, a whole rotisserie chicken, courtesy of those fine people at QFC

the miracle of life……..is AWESOME….

well jeez, i haven’t really written anythign very coherent for the past few weeks, cause i was in new jersey, being a complete and utter beach bum. my daily routine mostly consisted of the following factors:

1. wake up around 10:30 and go on run

2. get back from run, throw on bathing suit and go into ocean for a half hour.

3. switch from sunbathing to ocean for 5 to 6 hours.

4. come back to house, read and shower then eat fantastic homemade meal

5. fly stunt kites on the beach till dark.

6. go sit around, drink beer and bull shit with family and play euchre.

7. repeat.

god it was great, of course there was the occasional variation, like i went to play golf one day where i played with a bunch of my uncles. went out a couple of nights during the week with my cousins nikki and kerri, who like to go out and drink hard, which i thought was great, and i had a bunch of really good talks with kerri, and we ended up having a lot of fun over teh vacation. another day consited of going to gettysberg, which was a good 5 hours from the new jersey shore, so while the driving was horrendous, it was really cool to see the place where that battle took place. after reading the killer angles, it was cool to realise that the book was so well written that i could easily identify with all the squadrons and how the terrain of the battlefield fit into everything, etc…but me, my bro and my dad, just kinda walked around on the backtrails of all the battle fields, and it was a strange experience to be waking through fairly dense forest, and realize that there were tens of thousands of people who were killed in the area, and it was kinda humbling. but very rad.

so yeah, i’m living in seattle now, working 5 days a week, chilling in my rather large (but very sparsley furnished) room. iag though, i can tell this house is gonna be a blast already what with all the buffoonery that’s been going on so far. god we went and saw reign of fire tonight. i couldn’t even tell you if it was good or bad, cause i had a whole lot of difficulty on focusing on an ything in that movie. i only caught bits, and they appeared to be pretty and dazzling, but i don’t know, i couldn’t reccommend it to anyone though, cause i don’t really know what happened. hahahaha, i r rad. work is worktastic, as i supposed it would be. beats the hell out of school though….

well shit, i think its time for passin out. wudar.

bahahaha, what a rad night, after all this hectic moving and whatnot i’m chilling, talking to towo friends from high schiool who are pretty near incoherency (mike especially). shizxzzle mah nizzle, that is the rallying cry for everythign we have stood for tonight. which is erverything that is rad. if we did not have things that were rad we would not be able toexsist. without the absoluteness that rad is, nothin g else in this dimension could be solid. so you see, without rad we have nothing so remember to hold on to your rad with every tentacle that you can throw out and keep away from your towel, cause the most valuabe thing you can every take anywhere with you is a towel of course, anyone who knows anythign will know that the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy says that every frood should know where his towel is. wandering is great, mentally or physically, its just a feeling of realese from anything you hold constant about yourself and just let it slide….fun….i like to have fun. bahahaha.wudar, everything is rad, and i am rad, and everyone who know’s they’re money are rad. wudar.