good god, i am literally busting at the seams with energy, like i can barley keep myself still, let alone sit here at work and enter data on this fabulously glorious day. for once, i actually wish i spent all day in the field, that way i could spend it ripping plants out of the ground with my hand adz, and just fuck those plants up. i need something gratifying right now, destryoing something satisfying. the kind of destruction where you just flex your muscles and be like “fuck ya, ifucked that shit up” cause if i went and broke windows right now, that wouldn’t do it, i mean, even if i punched through it, it just would have the same satisfaction as taking a baseball bat to a car. or to the side of a house, or anything made out of wood, i think bashing something made out of wood would be great right now. like a wooden bench, i think that would be pretty ideal. a nice, cedar lattice bench that smells like a redwood forest and has a slightly rough, but not unplesant textre and a bright, wood red hue to it. with a nice solid aluminum bat in my hands, i would smash that thing until it was unrecgonizable and then light it on fire. i would then proceed to take the flaming pieces and hit them off of an over pass at oncoming traffic.

the thing is, there’s absolutly no malice in this. i mean, i got nothing against the bench, or i don’t really want to hurt people by making them crash after a flaming piece of cedar lodges itself in the hood of an oncoming car. i just want to do it for the sake of taking something of incredibly structred order, something that has been crafted and at one time planned and thought out, and just reducing it to a state of complete chaos. using these muscles and will of mine to destroy something instead of creating it. to put my work that seems to go to productive causes to something senseless, destructive and counter productive. to break out of a routine where i have to do certain things on certain days and live my days liek they’re on a track, that you can’t deviate from. to put my self forth to a cause instead of working towards producing something, to taking that same energy to destroy it. to completley reduce myself to a mass of emotions that i completley surrender to. a feeling of beautiful surrender where all thinking should eventually lead, a feeling of freedom. freedom through surrendering, almost seems liek an oxymoron. makes sense though.

i feel liek i could run a marathon right now, just walk out the front door and go run 26.1 miles with my pants and work boots on, and just do it. knowing i can run wherever i want to, look at whatever i want to, interpret anythign anyway i want to. this is my fucking world, and i am capable of making my own fucking happiness. and that is an absolutly beautiful thing to me.

take thsi for example, i write whatever i damn well please in here, even though i know its going to be read by other people. i didn’t do this before, but now i do it all the time. i used to write this kind of stuff in my written journal, and its not because ‘m too lazy, but i just got sick of keeping the two apart, writing about daily events in one, and feelings int he other. the two are pretty damn interconnected, so most of the time, i get around to one but not the other. i got nothing better to do at work anyways. fuck it.

my thoughts are too important to conceal.

good lord the beligerence, do i even sound liek me right now? ummmm………..

hell yeah i do.

i am a god plated in tin foil and baked accordingly, which means until done.

bring hither yon objects of desire that i crave, but cannot name.

i am WAY to esoteric for anyone or anything. and by WAY, i mean WAY.

oh man, beligerent destruction is metamorphisizing to beligerent randomness. funny how work always does that to me. oh don’t get me wrong, i still want that aluminum baseball bat and cedar lattice bench. man that would still be pretty sweet. and the lighting on fire and hitting is just genius, i think.

so is the idea of a movie called XXX. good lord, i saw a scene on leno the other ngiht where vin diesel shoots a harpoon gun at a hovercraft from a moving car, spits out some great tough guy line, and pulls a ripcord that deploys a parachute that looks like an american flag, and proceeds to paraglide behind it. good god, cater to my mindless action craving needs, this is going to be the greatest rediculous movie ever.

september 17th is surgury day. then i get to sit around for a week on this machine that moves my leg for me. a machine that moves my leg for me? does life get any sweeter? well maybe being able to do things like play basketball, sprint, play ultimate frisbee, soccer, cliff jumping, etc, and all the million other things that i’ve missed out on cause of my gimpy knee. my knee is hated.

so i’m going to cirque du soleil tongiht, that should be fun, family and all. my dad’s pretty excited abou this, and my dad never gets excited about shows, especially ones he has to pay 75 bucks a ticket for. should be rad. got tickets for area 2 as well, going with a bunch of seattle people, if they buy tickets too. oh well, it’ll just be rad.

I am rad.

You are rad.

Life is rad

Wudar.

ok this is rediculous, i clean up my hard drive every other day, i got way too much porn to keep track of, its time for a break and some cleaning, jesus i just need a break, i really need to stop treating this porn downloading thing like a job.

most people would say that monday is perhaps the worst day of the week. i mean, you have to come back to reality, right?

this i beg to differ on, i haven’t even experienced tuesday yet, but i know its going to be even longer than today. and today has been long, don’t get me wrong, but tuesday is the ass day of the week. farthest from either end of the weekend, only bringing hatred and death. tuesday is one of those days where it doesn’t matter how much sleep you get be it 4 hours or 12, you’re still gonna be tired the next morning, and contempleting the thought of suicide and getting to sleep for the rest of eternity.

of course its not that bad at all, but i think that blowing things out of proportion gives new meaning to my life, which is the horrible exsistance that ryan driscoll deserves to live in. obviously since my life is quiet and boring, much to match my own disposition, i spice things up by embellishing. it gives me the self importance and the ability to go on that i desperatly need in my life. if i couldn’t embellish then i couldn’t impress people, and well, if i couldn’t impress people, well i might as well not exsist, because existing for the sake of exsistance is something that even the bible says is wrong.

“idle hands are the devil’s workshop”

so damn, i just figured out everything there is to know about my life, and since i already have the meaning down pat, i might as well just damn myself and everyone else, since now that i have all the answers i can be bitter about it and persecute everyone else who hasn’t reached the same plateau that i believe i’ve hit. i love my plateau. only i can occupy it, and its all mine. other people only wish they could understand and feel the level of happiness that i have reached, sucks for all you guys.

so i stick my proverbeal tounge out at all of you, for i am the master of all creation and those who don’t live in my world shall perish by my seering eyes and holier-than-thou attitude and accusations.

i love america more than i love myself.

peace

thursday….week is almost over…so close to another weekend

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! hahaha, chris is so rad, he decided to drive down here from seattle and since i gave vauge directions, he ended up driving around seattle for a half hour or so, my bad. it was rad though cause he drove all the way down to get cash from me for a deposit on our new house, which we just got, so we had to start paying for IMMEDIATLY. blood suckers….giving us less than a day to get our shit together….oh well, such is renting in a college town i suppose

SHIBBY!!!

i get to go home for the next few hours or so, and chill with the parental units, and partake in their food. this is rad.

shit, its august already, that means its only like 2 months left till school. this blows.

oh yeah, i meant to talk about massive, which was the latter half of my weekend. it was a rad experience, trying to set up stuff. i got there with mikey and scott, and we were just kinda directed down to the main floor of naf to help set up decorations. our supplies? a couplke bags of balloons, a couple bags of streamers, and a whole lotta flyers. there was also a lack of tape and staples, and everytime we put something up we were told to take it back down. it was so very rad, because the chaos that was involved with this was just funny. we got all our shit done though, and it didn’t look horrible…

so basically scott and i got pretty drunk before we weren’t allowed to go in and out as we pleased, so i pounded 2/3 a fifth and scott got about half of another. man, getting drunk and going in to dance to drum and bass and pounding techno is one of the greatest things ever. i have alot of fun dancing anyways, but when i’m drunk, you’d have to hit me with a a sledgehammer to knock the smile off of my face. but i got to wander around and talk to some bellingham people and some redmond people, and the people that you only see at raves, or “rave-buddies”. but around 3 or so, i don’t quite remember how i ended up there but mikey, scott and i ran the water stand form then till close, and that was a fun experience too, cause i could sit there and help for a bit, then wander off for 10 minutes or so and come back and help more. i’d have to say that this was the first party i’ve been too where i totally lost track of time, i was having so much fun, it was a great party, props to jakub and justin.

and the next day was spent being sore. bling bling.

well, the clock says 3, so its time to check outta this place

kerdunkle.

i like that word.