jesus, this has been some streak, i can’t believe i haven’t blogged since i got my leg fixed up…

the rain is awesome, i’ve missed it so much. its pretty much been dead sunny since i got my leg operated on (fate, as usual, is not without a sense of humor) but i woke up today looked out side, and it was overcast, and shortly after it began to rain. sundays are great days for it to be rainy. if i was swtill working, i probably wouldn’t want it to rain i suppose, cause that just turns an otherwise mudane task to a miserable mundane task. when you can take it in small doses with a guarentee that you’ll be able to get dry and warm, the rain kicks ass.

school school school. this year is gonna blow, especially if i don’t get my ass in gear. i just don’t have any drive to study, and classes are starting slow. but i got my first tests coming up on the 11th, and today’s already the 29th. i mean, i got less than two weeks now before i have my first tests. two weeks? school just freakin started, and already i gotta worry about this shit. now i remember why i didn’t want to go back to school. oh well…the scenery on campus is nice i suppose, although everyone seems like a baby. last night mike and i drove around, and we would see groups of guys with backpacks, or just caravans of people moving around the neighborhoods surrounding campus, and all we could do was laugh. i mean, that was funny shit to think we used to do that “how are we gonna get alcohol tonight?” routine. i can only imagine the amoutn of partying that went on in the dorms where they had to make sure no alcohol stinked up the halls and keeping the noise down and whatnot. man, its nice to be able to buy my own alcohol. and good god, i swear that all the clothes designers are in cahoots and that they’re all male, cause they’re just trying to make women’s clothes, tighter, more revealing, and just plain scandalous. its kinda like channels like fox slowly integrating more swearing, more skin, and more violence onto its shows. its just done gradually enough so that it just slowly integrates itself into the mainstream and no one cares anymore. i mean basically, the way that styles are heading now, in another decade or so, when all those girls show up for tehir first day of college all dressed up, they’ll basically be wearing nipple caps and a thong. i mean i’m not complaining or anything, but i don’t remember girls quite as skanked out when i was starting college. its nice being older to appreciate it though. i mean i can wander to school in the same clothes i’ve been in for a couple of days, unshowerede, hair everywhere, totally scrubby, and not giving a damn. school is nice in that respect cause you just kinda show up. these crutches have got to go though. I HATE CRUTCHES! jesus it really sucks when you have to make multiple trips doing somethign just cause you can’t carry anything in your hands. its really really really inconvinient. and jesus, walking distances of more than 100 feet, and i’m breaking a sweat. at least i can put some pressure on my leg now so i don’t have to support all my weight on those crutches. they are so hated.

at least i can do stuff again though, even if it is just riding on an exercise bike. i mean these weeks of having no obligations, and just being able to sit around have been awesome, especially since i got grandia 2. its awesome, me and mike just switch off witht he PS2, him playing hot shots 3, and me playing grandia. we sit on the couch alot and just play vids. i have stooped this low into video game debauchery in awhile, and its really nice to kinda lose myself in video game land again. its kinda fun, but after riding the exercise bike and using the weight bench here again, i’m remembering how nice it feels to get in some aerobic exercise and some anarobic while you’re at it. it’s a nice form of escape anyways.

bellingham rocks, and 203 fucking rocks, its awesome to be back up here, but i am kinda already nostalgic for the seattle days. i mean, me, ben, and matt had some fun times, and i still think the summer was waaaaay to short. but its good to be back up here, chilling in the bars and drinking, pretty much fell into the swing of things real quick. the wudar tavern is the greatest. you can chill, listen to music, play pool, sit at the bar, all in teh comfort of your home. and now we got a TV in there now, so last ngith point break was on. god what an awesome movie. talk about keanu being at the peak of his career. him teamed up witht the world’s sexiest man, good ol’ swazye makes for a dynamic duo. man, the part at the end where keanu lets patrick go, so that he can die catching the ultimate wave, looking disdainfully out to sea, and chucking his badge uncaringly into the ocean is just one of those classic cinematic moments. i mean, if that doesn’t sum up an emotional moment in film history, i don’t know what is.

ok, i just had to document this though, cause it was too funny:

after a particularily strong rum and coke, and a whoel lot of sawing, adam finally manages to get his bearded dragon cage mostly set up. feeling particularily good, he instructs fellow 203 members, ryan and mike to shout his name as he walks in the door, a la norm at cheers. as he walks in, mike and ryan comply, but adm, not watchign where he’s going, walks straight into the door of his cage he bought the day before and snaps it off completley. at which point adam falls to his knees, going “noooooooooo” and mike and ryan proceeding to howl with laughter. adam looks very distraught, and procalims “i just bought this yesterday!” which is met by more laughter from mike and ryan. the end.

so yeah, things are pretty much back to normal up here, and i’m gonna go out for a little bit i suppose, so i can get a router and set up a network here.

rock over london, rock on chicago.

wheaties: breakfast of champions

so yeah, sitting, nothign to do, finally got my leg feelin’ somewhat descent so i can sit in this chair for alittle bit. i really feel like blogging, but i don’t really know what to throw down at the moment. but i know i got something tosay. something tugging up from teh depths of my chest screaming to get out. like i got something important to say or something. like i ever do.

i don’t know, feeling abstract tonight i suppose. these last few weeks have been kinda funny. it just seems like i’m going nowhere, but its like i have no choice about it. like, even if i wanted to be heading in a certain direction, i couldn’t. fucking dial up, this shit is so slow, that’s why i’m blogging, cause i can’;t do anything else really but just write shit down. and what is it, what is it, what’s tryign to get out of me right now? should i even be blogging right now? hmmmm, basically, i want out.

i want out of this life i have created for myself, not because i’m unhappy with it i suppose, but because i’m sick of dealing with it. i just don’t want to have obligations anymore, period. i don’t want to have obligations to other people, and i don’t want them to have obligations towards me. i just want to start over at square one where i don’t owe anybody anything, and nobody owes anything to me. like sometimes i feel like i’m doing things cause i’m obligated to other people, not cause i want to do it. so my life has this quality where i’m just following a line, cause i have things i have to do. HAVE to do, not choose to do. god no wonder our society is so crazy, being brought up to be so dependant. nothing i can do about it now but deal with it though. so that’s what life has become for me, not living, but dealing. just doin’ it for the lack of anything better to do. no wonder i want to validate my existance through stuff. stuff is great. if i have more stuff, i can at least look at that and say “wow, i’ve done something with my life, cause i have stuff” i mean, at least i can point towards that and prove it to someone. at least that’s an absolute, i suppose, at least in our society. i was thinking about the whole absloute thing, and i was wondering what kind of world we would live in if we didn’t have absolutes. what if a pen felt differently everytime you picked it up? what if everytime you knocked on wood, it would make a different sound? of course this is possible, but if it did feel differently or sound differently then it wouldn’t have the same properties as it did in the first place. sure wood isn’t going to sound the same once you waterlog it, but its not going to have the same properties as it did before. so it is absolute, but just a different form. i f you define something to have certain properties, and YOU define it to be like that, then its gonna retain those properties. it can’t just change because it feels like it, something’s gotta act upon it to change it.bah, maybe i’m full of it, i think i just don’t want to accept the fact that its possible to live in a world that is non-absolute. where nothing can be defined cause nothing has a solid definition, since everything is so grey. i mean, you couldn’t have the grey without mixing the black and white right? and just cause there may be a grey, that doesn’t cancel out the black and white.

fuck it, i’m gonna go lay back down on the couch and chill in my cpm thing

so here i sit in front of my computer, probably for the last time in awhile…i’m kinda interested to see what i can and can’t do once i get this surgury done. i’m kinda making it out to be worse than it is in my head i think, but man, i have to spen like 12 to 15 hours a day on this funny looking machine that flexes my knee for me. just got it fitted today, looks like its gonna be an uncomfortable for a week. i swear, i am one of the most kinetic people ever. basically my biggest fear ever is being forced to sit int he same place for an extended period of time. i cannot sit still, i’m always playing with something in my pocket, something to keep my body doing something. i mean, on the drive home i spent most of it chewing on a fingernail, and i noticed that i wasn’t doing any of the other tapping, squirming, singing, and anythign else i would do to keep me occupied. i’ve always noticed that at movies, i’m like the only one adjusting my position. like everyone else is just still and sit during the entire movie, but i shift my weight, slouch, un-slouch, stretch, etc. i remember back in 10th grade where our teacher made us sit in one place for the period because we were watching a video about how some POW’s were treated and they had to sit in a little cage not much bigger than 4 feet by 4 feet, so they couldn’t stretch out. i remember by halfway through class i was about ready to explode. at the end of class, i wanted to scream. i’d probably tear out my throat with my bare hands rather than deal with a fate like that…

speaking of movies, i managed to stay awake for XXX this time and it was the greatest summer movie ever. hands down. i was laughing the entire movie, pretty much in amusement. i remember at the point where he held on to that cross bar and got above that avalanche while everyone else got owned. it was dead silent in the theater while he was about to hit that moment where you know his hand is going to come out of the snow, and i just wanted to put both my hands in the air and scream at the top of my lungs. it just seemed like it would have been appropriate if i had just been cheering on vin like he could hear me throughout the movie. i laughed so hard when those russian guards were talkign though:

Russian Dude #1: How’s it going?

Russian Dude #2: Life is shit.

Russian Dude #1: Well, what are you gonna do?

god, that was fucking genius writing. you can’t just pull this stuff out of your ass, you gotta think it through and admire it.

good god, what a surreal weekend, lots of misfortune, but i didn’t really notice it for some reason. i mean, friday i got my cd player jacked at some point in the night, on saturday i got jacked for 70 bucks while trying to buy slayer tickets, then today the starter on my car died while i was in bellingham so i had to have someone hotwire it for me so i could get back down here before 4 to get fitted for that knee flexing machine. i don’t care about any of it though, like it didn’t ruin my weekend. friday was just some low key buffoonery with just chilling drinking, and wanderin. then on saturday i went and hung around with blake in the afternoon and just got blastedly shibby as i tend to do when i’m with him. wandered home because i was supposed to go out shopping with my dad, but that kinda got blown off, so i met up with adam, mikey, and adam’s little bro and his friend, steve and grant. we tried to get into slayer but of course it was sold out, so we went freestyle walking for a bit. so we were running around for a bit, we got some drinks at gameworks, and decided to freestyle walk some more back in the direction of the paramount. so we ran into some guy who said he could get us tickets. i really don’t want to go over that whole jacking thing cause it basically happened because i was drunk and the idiot factor that goes along with it. i’m still pissed at myself for being so goddamn stupid. but yeah we decided then that we needed to take the 14 year olds to hooters so we went to the one on lake union and got some food and ogled the beautiful ladies in their very tight clothes, it was rad. steve and his friend were stammering and shit and could barley order their food. it was rad. the waitress came up and started pulling up her shirt to cover her cleavage and told them that she could do that everytime they talked to them so she wouldn’t embaress them. it was rad.

so adam dropped me and mikey off at home here and we sat around chilling for a bit, watched teh royal tenebaums and spent like 2 hours writing, that was rad.

moved into bellingham, pretty much everything now, just some clothes sticking around here now. hung around with john and joshi most of the night, that was rad, they went with me to see triple x, and got osme beer and shit and spent the night drinking, and making a great 7 layer dip, and watchign the waterboy, wudar. but yeah my starter pretty much got stripped when i tried to start it this morning, so one of john and joshi’s friend hotwired it for me, it was rad. he stuck a flathead screwdriver in one end of an extension cord and put the plug on the starter to bridge it and then put the screwdriver on the positive node. it was so rad. but yeah, good thing it didn’t happen in seattle or something, that probably would have sucked, now i don’t have to worry bout it cause i ain’t driving no more.

so yeah this weeked was really strange to me. io just didn’t give a dman abou tanything, nothing bothered me at all over the weekend, despite all the loss, and shit. i just felt kinda numb about it all i suppose. it was rad. damn, there’s alot of people i still wanted to see before i got incapacitated but i suppose those people will just have to be put on hold….oh well, i’m sure they won’t care much anyways…it would have been nice to hang around with spencer again though.

what does not kill me, can only make me strogner

well this is it, my last day at work. soon it will be back to the joys of school and other masochistic activites. so thios will be my last work blog. its been a good summer to say the least, and this is kinda the final straw here. i mean moving out of seattle was the beginning of the end, but this is pretty much the end-all right here. no more vacationing and drifiting along doing nothing but what i want to do. now its back to forcing myself to do things…

i really wish this summer wouldn’t end, because there’s still alot of goofing off i want to do. i guess i don’t think that 3 months off wasn’t enough to justify the amount of work i did last year, particularily spring quarter. i still have a bitter taste from that shit in my mouth, and i’m not looking forward to that again. at least i don’t have math, that is an absolute godsend. but i got organic chem, some ecology bio, and some physics. so i’m gonna die. yeah, i’d much rather goof off.

i kinda feel like this is gonna be my last summer off where i have a cush job and don’t do anything, but i’m guessing next year will probably be more of the same. but shit, that’s a whole year, i might be living in tanzania for all i know by this time next year…of course i still have this knee surgery jazz and like another week off, so i got time to sit around and do a samn good bit of nothing. but still, summer’s over, gotta deal with it…

this is summer ryan, signing out

ok, so i only have a few minutes, but maybe it’ll be enough to cover this weekend, though i doubt it. basically it can be summed up in a word: craziness.

friday night, i went and visited my dad for a bit, and when i got home around 6:30 i thought it would be rad to ride into seattle instead of driving. i mean, i knew ben and matt were going to be at their house, and i told them i was coming, so why not? so yeah, to make it a little more interesting i got a bottle of wine out of the fridge, and transfered it to a bottle of talking rain. that ride was nuts, i was pretty damn sloppy by the end of my ride, i think i ended up riding 22 miles around the lake, but man towards the end i was crankin. almost like i was drunk and didn’t feel sore at all….hmmm…. but yeah my stomach was protesting that one pretty good, so everytime i took a couple of slugs, it threatened to come back up. it was rad though, i got to bens, trashed, so i was pretty much out by like 11 or something and i passed out on their floor and used couch cushiopns to sleep. it wasn’t incredibly comfortable, but it was rad.

so i sat around ben’s for about half the day, then rode back which was alot less eventful, but it was nicer, and it was light too. sat around for a bit, ate some dinner and went and visited my dad again, then took off for jakub’s place in seattle where we sat around and drank beer for a bit, then when john and joshi showed up, we decdided to go to the last supper club, but we were gonna try and get in for free because if you got there before 9:30 it was free. so john, joshi, me, and jeff hustled over there and made it in by mentioning kiss 106, i thoughgt that was funny, then we retired to john’s car and proceeded to drink more cheap beer, before we headed back in. god i was already pretty trashed when people started showing up at the club. thgen i got ruined. really after the 151’s the night was pretty much confusion. i remember what i was doing, so its not like i blacked out, but damn i was stupid. like really really stupid, i had no idea what was going on. i remember sitting around outside with mike, i don’t even remember if i attempted dancing, i somehow ended up at this club that i thought was the last supper club, but was this place filled completley with black people. i have no idea how i thought that place was teh last supper club, but i ended up paying 5 dollars to get in. and then walked around inside for a bit and wondered why the place had suddenly changed so much. and where all the black people came from. i was confused as shit. so i wandered back outside, ended up talking to some girl for probably 15 minutes or something, and then found it imperative that i find my friends, cause i had no idea where they were, and they had no idea where i was, so i ended up wandering again. i found the last supper club, and i still was thinking that i had found it at the other place, so i wondered why the hell there was two of them. so i wandered around a bit more and went to find john’s car, which when i got there was gone. i don’t know what time that was at, but it must have been hella late, cause those guys told me that they waited for a long time waiting for me to show up, and were asking the police if i had gotten arrested. which might have been a valid claim, i mean i was pretty raging drunk. so i tried calling the only number i knew which was jakub’s cell, but that phone didn’t work, so basically i was stuck with walking all the way from pioneer square back to denny, which was pretty aggrivating to me at the time, but rad now that i think of it. i totally spaced out and when this homeless guy asked me for money i handed him a 10, thinking it was a one. and then i had hiccoughs for a good 2/3 of the walk. and of course i got lost a bunch too, i tried to follow the signs, but i trusted landmarks over streetsigns which is a bad idea when you’re drunk and i walked up a couple of hills and in circles that were completley unneccesary. and got back to jakub’s place completley trashed. i passed out at some point, and wheni woke up the next morning, i knew i had to just go home, cause i hadn’t slept in a bed all weekend.

so yeah i woke up the next day and just dicked around the house, my dad’s at home now, so i spent most of the day watching him, and cleaning the house and mowing the lawn and shit. i was completley wrecked anyways.bah, RAD!

allright, so tonight was kinda odd, well actually the past few nights have been.

so yeah, my dad goes in for this routine thing with his heart where they just stick a balloon in the artery in his heart that has blockage, and then put radioactive pellets in to get rid of the scar tissue that has developed since his minor surgury back in february. so they go to do this, and they take the chest xrays and everything, and it turns out that three of the arteries that supply oxygen to his heart is 99% blocked. this is up from 60% back in february. this of course, is very bad. i suppose that’s its lucky that this was discovered before he actually had a serious heart attack though.

but yeah, so basically they told him last night that he was going to be going in for open heart surgury today, so needless to say he was a bit distressed. but he went in early this morning, and it ended up getting cancelled, but then rescheduled for today again. he ended up going in around 3 and came out around 8. everything went fine though, he didn’t even need to be on a resperator when he came out of surgury, which i was told is very impressive, and he’s expected to be back at home by sunday, which is impressive, considering he just had a quadruple bypass…

so yeah, i’ve been pretty worried for the past couple of days…all good now though, he pulled through, and the next few months are probably going to be fairly rough for him, but the worst is over now….god, what would have happened if the surgury failed? i don’t even want to think of it…

ok ok, so the tables have finally turned. after years of having my mom tellme she’s terrified to come downstairs when i have friends around i find myself in the very same situation. my mom is downstairs now with collin’s mom, and some other woman, it sounds like, and they’re all chattering and bursting into laughing occasionally.

needless to say, i’m terrified to go downstairs.

a group of chattering moms? i might as well start planning everythign i’m going to do in the future right now so i can explain and provide detailed accounts as to how i can provide for everythign in my future. because otherwise, it’ll just be 20 questions from them….20 questions i’ve heard before….20 questions i’ve answered numerous times. and i hate answering them cause i sound like i have nothing figured out, and that is precisley it. but they expect me to have something figured out cause they do, or something like that. i don’t know, most adults seem to think that kids should have thier shit together by the time they’re 21. and really, i do think i have my shit together, just nothing figured out. i’m heading in a direction, but i’ll get more specific as i learn more myself, i can’t just go around speculating right now. well i guess i could, it wouldn’t be too hard to pass stuff off on my mom, but it gets tiresome.

oh well, its funny to me anyways, since all i want to do is go downstairs and get my computer so i can hook it up and play vids. but i just don’t want to brave the resistance. so i figured i might as well blog.

well finally all the moving and cleaning is done, and i just gotta work and chill around the house for a couple of weeks before my knee surgury. i’m glad all that shit is finally taken care of. thursday was spent moving. friday was spent moving and cleaning. saturday was spent cleaning, and moving some more. and this was spread out over seattle and bellingham for me. i really hope andy c rocked, caus ei would have much rather been seeing that than steam cleaning our filthy house. i’m just glad that place is finally behind us (well, unless we don’t get the deposit back, then i’m guessing heads are gonna roll) and we can just focus on getting our new place set up which is coming along very nicley, although i wish i could help more setting up and whatnot, ah well…

i kinda feel like the summer is alrewady over though, i mean i moved out of seattle, i’m living at home again, and most everyone is gone.i’ve still got a month to go, granted, and yet i can’t help but feel like its already done.i mean, i have very few people to hang around with around here in redmond, b’ham is too far away to warrent going, besides i’ll be there the rest of the year after this month, and seattle is do-able, but i can’t see myself wanting to drive back that often. so now all i’ve got is vids, movies, and books, which isn’t that bad, and i’m guessing i’m gonna be cutting back on smoking too….august was a nice month of splurging, but yes, its time to get back to reality.

and right now that reality is that my legs are so freakin’ weak. i can’t believe that i actually went through with yesterday, which was pretty much the highlight of my weekend, caus ei actually did it, which was running a half marathon. i mean, my legs don’t hurt anymore, but it feels like they can barley hold up my weight, i mean i did run 3 times farther than i normally do, but i would have expected more cramping as opposed to fatigue…but yeah, i finished in 2 hours and 10 minutes, which i was damn proud of considering i haven’t done any distance training at all. i saw karl there too, and that was rad, but he seemed a bit distracted…something about some girl he was supposed to meet. haha, probably thought he had a chance or something….ya ya ya. oh yeah, riding my bike back formthe red hook brewery was rad too, i had to stop every mile or so and try and stretch out some random cramp that i would get in my legs, back, abs, shoulders, it was great. every mile was a frantic stop on the trail or roda, hopping off my bike, and contorting myself desperatly trying to get into a position that would lessen the pain, and try and stretch it out. i was ruined though, and still am, it was awesome.

9 days of work left, surgery in 14, and alot of buffonery to fit in before i have to start studying and taking things seriously again….i can’t wait….