ok, i know i don’t post many things out of books on here, in fact i haven’t posted anything, but i read this and was just on the floor laughing. i actually dropped the book and had to steady myself when i was riding the exercise bike. i know ben will especially enjoy this.

From Kurt Vonnegut’s “Breakfast of Champions”

“The prostitutes worked for a pimp now. He was splendid and cruel. He was god to them. He took their free will away from them, which was perfectly all right. They didn’t want it anyway. It was as though they had surrendered themselves to Jesus, for instance, so they could live unselfishly and trustingly – except that they had surrendered to a pimp instead.”

is this working?

when the cream is curdled, the lambs look on

how far to the gant roller?

quick, somebody fetch me a cranium, i think mine fell of the edge of that bus stop over there.

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(in the voice of a fieldhand who has to work for the man) time keeps creepin’, creepin for my soul, my poor soul, why did you go? Old man death waits blindly for me, and he brings the lamb of god with hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim.

i kinda like this whole just writing for stupidity’s sake. its not like i have any ideas to express anyways. i want to do soemthing called writing a book. and fill it with all sorts of symbolisim that i won’t intend at all, so that people caqn pull extra meaning out of this “book” and then i could sit back and laugh and leave a note that they couldn’t open until 30 years after my loast book was published that would read:

“Dear Jackasses:

all of you who think my books have some hidden meaning should know….THEY HAVE NO MEANING. i just wrote down crap that you didn’t understand so you would mistake it for some kind of genius. let me tell you, i am a genius, but i find it an insult to it that many of you think i do. and don’t be thinking there’s any literary meanign to this letter either. NO HIDDEN MEANING. i am just telling all of you that you are jackasses and you can all go to hell.

Your Daddy,

Ryan “Screwin your momma in the ear” Driscoll”

i wish desperatly i could write a book good enough to get me recognition as a distinguished artist and then aafter a good time after my death, i could let everyone know that they’re fools to look for meaning where there is none. and then they could sit around and justify it to themselves that there is meaning in everything, so why not my book, even though i said it was meaningless? because the fact that its meaningless mean that it has meaning, otherwise it couldn’t exsist. it would be the conundrum of the century, and it would all be started by my belligerence. its really my secret wish that “the tropic of capricorn” was meant to be like that. i read that sometime last year, and i thought it was rad. it would go from coherency to just straight up symbollic craziness, but it was done very very well. but it would just be great if henery miller was just like “you fools, hahahahahaha, my books mean nothing! you are all crazy, not me! bahahaha” it would be rad.

man, i really need to start playing a musical instrument again or something, cause all my creativity now is pouring out into bitter writing. it should be pouring out into bitter music.

hahahaha, i was looking at all these “butterscotch-type-caramel-tasting-yellow-colored” candies i’ve been slowly eating over the past week or so, and all around the edges of the wrapper, in small white writing, it says:

“made in colombia”

i wonder how long i’ve been eating colombian candy? or maybe its just a fluke at the supermarket and i’m eating colombian candy for the first time. or maybe its not really colombian candy, but just some random candy that happens to be made in colombia because its less expensive to produce there. or maybe i’m just hoping taht all these little candies are laced with cocaine, which would account for their addictiveness. either way, i’m going till they’re all gone.

jesus, what the hell was i doing in my lasy blog, i don’t even remember posting any shit like that. i suppose it was late and i was most definatly faded though…ah well, i guess i have too much fun. man what the fuck do i want to wite about, i got an itch to write something, but i want it to be meaningful or something, not just some rehash of things that have already happened. i was in a strange mood last week though, and it comes and goes i suppose , wher ei just lose every shred of paitience i think i have and i just want to dissappear somewhere until i feel like crawling out again. cause no doubt i like to socialize and hang around, but sometimes it gets to be too much. i mean, i have always been anti social, but it seems like it has just gotten worse since i turned 21. i guess i’m just more disillusioned than i used to be.

its like back in the day, like probably 2 years ago or something, i wondered what it would be like to grow up and what it would be like to be out on my own and shit. and of course since i wasn’t living it, i was romanticizing it.

bitter sidenote: while i’m on this topic, fuck romanticizing. everything you’ve ever wished for is built up in your head. i don’t understand why people can be let down time and time again by things not stacking up against the ideas and visions they’ve created for themselves. its not that you shouldn’t dream, or envision things the way you want them to be, but people feel let down by it. jesus, if everything went the way that i planned it, i’d get pretty damn bored. damn, what kind of life would i lead if everything that i built up did come out to be true? with how perfect my life would be going, i’d bet i’d be discontent. or maybe i wouldn’t. i think its great how these days, being discontent has become a privilage instead of a right. i mean sure i get discontent with my life, with anything i want to. but alot of people i talk to treat it like they’re allowed to be more discontent than you because they have it worse off. seeing as worse is defined by them it seems pretty asinine. ok, back to the rest.

so then when it happens, you live it for a bit, and its cool, but then other things creep in that make it stupid. and jesus, i’m not even on my own yet, my parents still pay for pretty much everything, for which i am extremely lucky. but its like with the way i feel right now, i might as well just move out to some cabin in the middle of podunk land. but of course i won’t….cause i know its probably a mood just like any other. it’ll pass. i’ll feel differently. i’ll grow up or some shti and all the ideals i hold now will be crushed by the newer, better ones i’m sure to realize. maybe that’s part of it, i’m sick of changing, over and over, it just feels like i discredit my ideas already because in a couple of years i’m gonna think differently, maybe it’ll be an extreme change, and maybe it’ll just be some minor tweaking, but its goign to happen. so i feel like backing up anything i ever claim to put stock in is just goign to change anyways, so i don’t even feel like justifying anything to anybody anymore. but its all i do. justify myself to everyone. like i need to do that all the time. i’d rather just have people take what i say at stock value, or just to stop caring so much, cause i sure as hell don’t.

i have no problems justifying things to myself, but tryign to explain that to someone else is like trying to talk to somone who doesn’t understand english. i mean sure, you can try all sorts of ways of explaining it, hell you can even start yelling and get as simple as you want, just in a vain attempt to get your point accross, but it doesn’t matter how you manipulate the words, they’re still gibberish to the other person. monkies with languages. using them to express ideas that are shaped by the society they live in. that’s just great. a bunch of isolated monkies who want desperatly for people to notice their indivduality, when they have no way of conveying it to anyone but themselves. but oh lord you can try….

i know what i need. hope of some kind. cause i’ve gotten so cozy witht he fact that everythign is hopeless that i just don’t care about anything anymore. i can’t just go picking hope off the ground though, there’s gotta be something to instill it in me. well when i think about it, i need an outside form of hope, cause i got all i need right here with myself, but that doesn’t help me function in the society i’ve been placed in. cause if all the hope i have is buried in the fact that i am who i am, and nothing will change that, then there’s no reason for me to be interacting in a society. but there’s gotta be some reason to hang around here. i just have this feeling that it’ll pop up when i least expect it, and it’ll just happen. maybe it already has happened and i just don’t realize it, maybe that’s why i’m so bitter. not bitter at the world, but bitter at myself, cause i feel like i play a role in some act, and yet i’m ad-libbing the whole thing, and its not going anywhere but in circles, and nothing i really do can change that. hmmm maybe i just fouund my hope here. that people are going to grow up one day and not have to overdramaticize things, and people will just be people someday. good god, how fucking hypocritical am i being, this whole tirade is dramatic

I CAN’T NOT CONTRADICT MYSELF

….and i’m sick of it

bricken bracken floggin’.

is that soem sort of expletive? perhaps it should be, but i suppose its too long ti really be anything noticable. i mean, would i really want to say thasty all the time. of course not cause its pretty damn lng, and would take far too mcuh effort. and effort is bad, cause it takes tiem from the thign i want to do. and god knows i don’t want to spend the limited tiem i have on things that don’t mena shiot

like myself….

oooh, guess i’m in a tight spot here, aren’t i?

I mangle, therefore, I am

won’t the monkies come out to play?

why won’t they? cause they’re afraid of me or some shit, according to that goddamn unicorn i talked to earlier today. yes, i said goddamn. you see, the unicorn was having troubles with this rock that kept spouting off these nuggets of information, but in reality, they were real nuggetts travelling faster than the speed of light towards the unicorn.

and the unicorn was like “you dummy, not only are you goign to put a hole in me, you’re breaking all the current rules of physics by exceeding the speed of light”

to which the rock replied “so what, you’re the one who can’t see what you truly are”

the unicorn, taken slightly aback responded “what are you talking about, i know everything about myself, and anything that has anything to do to me”

the rock gave him a people’s eyebrow and managed to say in between nugget spitting (which were now coming dangerously close to the hive of leprechans) “then what are you bitching about? i’m just doing as i please, and if i feel like spitting nuggets of wisdom exceeding the speed of light, that’s my deal. you’re the one who can’t see the wisdom in it. get defensive and you only justify other people’s positions.”

just as the unicorn was about to respond to this statement that made it extremly angry, the rock did spit a nugget straigh into the hive of leprechans. the leprechans obviously were not pleased with this outcome, so they decided to do something about it. you have to understand that the only things leprechans know how to do is burn things and blow up. no one really realizes that the other shti about green suits and four leaf clovers that are involved in drunken, whisky and rainbow induced orgies (the rainbow thing is a half truth that got twisted due to word of mouth). so they did the thing they knew how to do best which was blow up. when they’re frightened, they just tend to explode as opposed to burn things, cause burning things is a response to everyday activities, and a nugget of truth that streaks through your home at a speed greater than the speed of light is not as run-of-the-mill as most ice queens with half full water bottles would think. the combined force of the leprecans was more than enough to spark the anger of god who came bustin’ throught he clouds like the police after a crack smokin’ dog who has all the crack in the world and won’t share it with anyone, not even god. needless to say, that’s why he came bustin’ in the way he did.

“WHAT IS ALL THIS RACKET!”

immediatly the unicorn and the rock both pointed at each other and said “he did it” but god was not fooled for a second, he saw the smouldering crater where hs precious leprechan hive had been (it was much like sea monkies to him, he didn’t really look after it, or care about it, cause it got boring, but once it was destroyed, he had to get angry and pissed off on general purposes) so without really thinking about things (well, he did know he had a 50/50 chance of gettiong the true culprit right) he shot a lightning bolt out of his ass and damned that unicorn to earth where it sometimes still resides today (most people have a misconception of earth as some hell, its actually some mediary between purgatory, hell, and orgasamville)

so anyways i ran into him while i was out on my daily constitutional, and he informed me about the mokies and how they wouldn’ be able to come out to play today, it was rather distresssing to me, because i had been waiting all month to be playing with them, so instead of beign tolerant and teling the unicorn thank you, because i knew it wasn’t his fault, i decided to shoot the messenger, because it validated my anger, and at least gave it somethign to direct it at, insteda of nothing, because when you have anger to direct at nothing, you just direct it at yourself, or that tree over yonder hill that can only be justified by bringing the utility to a crashing halt as the wonderful crap that flows forth from teh raging inferno of chimneys on houses. so anyways, i did happen to direct it at that tree, but not before taking a swing at the unicorn, which it deftly sidestepped and just laughed at my ineptitude.

i told the unicorn to go screw itself with its horn, and he promptly ran directly at my holiest-of=holes full bore with his horn, so i jumped on top of him and rode standing on him for awhile, be fore he realized that he had missed me completley and he threw me off. the damn hypocrite though, he launched me off at a speed exceeding that of the speed of light, even after he told me all that crap about how he hated that damn rock for spouting off the nugets at a speed very s8imilar tot he one i was going at. so while i traveled at 4.0 E 10 m/s i realized that i was kinda moving but wasn’t, and realized i had no way to slow myself down except that i did happen to have my exceeding-the-speed-of-light-slower-downer kit n me, cuase it wasn’t the first time that i had been in that situation before (the unicorn and i have a real love/hate relationship).

i whipped out the watch and focused it onto my left thigh and pulled the starter that was attatched to it. the damn choke wasn’t adjusted though so i had to grab the thing by its tail and swing it around until it agreed to come up and be with the man in the sky who brings forth the ramblings of stupid people that everyone respects so much because they believe the bile that coems from teh end of the stick pointed towards the moon bringing down the wrath of the heavens that are too crowded with clowns to be any good to any ideals that people might have.

and that did the trick, and i slowed down enough to be back in the realm of modern physics, and all felt well again. or so i thought. i was back in the same place that i thougth i had been in, but wasn’t truly there in any physical/mental/spiritual/wankual sense. and the fact that i wasn’t wankually there bothered me quite a bit, cause i could see the lion’s den across the busy freeway, and they were wankually there. i decided to blow that posicle stand real quick, not like i had any choice about it, because about then, my watch jumped out of its casing and started runnign across that freeway towards the lions den to be with people whoe were wankually there. i mean i could understand that it didn’t want to be with someone that was wankually there, but it was its own damn fault for spitting me out at such an inoppertune place. and then that fucker got hit by some stupid rhino that was chargign down the road after teh ice cream truck that was desperatly trying to get away with it. so here i am, without my physical, mental, spiritual, or wankual self to keep me company. it was pretty lonley, i have to admit.

i had one more trick up my sleeve though and jumped up and landed upside down on my hands and pusehed off again which is the universal symbol for the reeling fish of the great constellation of the pools in backyards of people who don’t know any better than to pour their chlorinating artifacts into which billow forth steaming masses of ineptitude towards the skies of randomness that only a slecet few can look at and wonder with gasping delight that they have been blessed not by others, but by themselves and it brings them up to the next level of the next level (whatever that is) but they’re there and they love it, and they get off on it so much, that their right nut explodes leaving quite a mess on the satchels they happened to be carryign with them at the tiem of the incident in question.

anyways, that threw me back into the wankually sound state that i was in before, but i was still left with teh dillemma of no monkies to play with so i decided to just go jack off instead, and i suppose it was pretty damn good. avergae…not great….just good. oh well, at least i can try as much as i want to. unless those damn dirty apes come and stop me, but the last time they tried that, they got a watermelon to the face and that was none to pleasing for them. in fact they were damn near ecstatic with anger and jealously. the anger i understood, but the jealousy made little sense to me because it just cmpunded their folly as i threw watermelon after water melon at them, sometimes throwing in the occassional tricycle to keep them on their toes.

i brought them forth to the ends of the earth and laid them at the feet of disinterested gods and they went back to whence they were from and had the time of their lives while they were at it, and they kept to themsleves after that except to bring aroudn the second coming of the second coming which we all know is far too much of a second comign for any of us to handle. they brought it with pride, they brought it with their intensity that only they could match, the intensity that only been seen in a few worlds, and never in this one, which was a bad thign becasue it kept them from achiving the goal of the climbimng of the grand cuticle in the sky that bring teh enlightmnment of many generations down to a point so small that it can fit inside the core of a miod sized apple. like a granny or something. it wondered with all its wondering might how to wonder about the crap it had just spit out of its left toe, and wondered how it could possibly ever stop it from the destiny that it was mean tot keep pursuing which was that of the jet piolot in heat. they have goals, sure but to what end are they trying to observe those goals? to that question someone should know the answer, but i don’t, so someone must. cuse if anybody duid it would probably be cvatastrophic and blissful at the saem time, bring the age of chaos that we so want and deserve, nipping at the heels of GW and his minons of republicans, bringing forth the new age of glory, or so they think witht heir fun-boys and happy-sacks. if i had the happy sacs that they do, i suppose that i would abuse them just the same as if i didn’t have a happy sack. oh well, at least i can be stupid and love it.

STUPID AND LOVING IT!!! because its better to be stupid than smart as a wise man once told me.

ok, so yeah, i sit here int he computer lab waiting for my bus, which i missed by like 10 seconds 40 minutes ago. ah well, at lest i finished this bullshit bio paper, leaving my weekend free to do more meaningful things. i mean, i reall yliked last quarter’s bio cause it was cells and molecular stuff, but i realize now that cannot stand ecology. at least that’s one more thing out of the way of major declaration…

but yeah anyways, chillin, chillin, chilln, always witht he chillin’. if you ain’t keepin it real, then you only be doin’ yoself a disservice. I went out last night for like the first time in a long while, and it was quite possibly the raddest outing i’ve had in a long time. last night was chanta’s birthday, and i hadn’t had school all day, so i basically sat around and did jack, with soem light studying, and we headed over to chantas around 9 or so. we loaded up on wine, and i had some various homecooked food, and we waited around there till about 10:30 drinking steadily more and more, while waiting for others to show up.

so by the time we finally get going and get everyone organized, we end up at the up for about an hour or so, where we did the up thing. you sit around with pitchers and drink lots of beer and talk noisily. besides pool and golden tee, i mean there’s not really much else to do there. i guess you could go hit on girls or something, but it just seems counter productive to having a good time to me. but yeah, i ran into loads of people that i hadn’t seenin awhile there, it didn’t seem like we were there long at all, caue i kept having conversations with people i hadn’t seen in awhile. chris and i were passing the flask around all night too, although i think i drank more of the southern comfort than him, cause i had it on my person most of the night.

but after hanging around there for about an hour we walked down to rumors, and we were already trashed so we were pretty much on par with everyone else there. but the thing was, is that there wasn’t really anyone there. it was beautiful. i just remember there was like no one on the dance floor really, and there was house music of course, so we all pile in drunkendly and just usurp the dance floor. there was like 10 of us just up front dancing, and although my leg felt fine then, i really probably shouldn’t have danced on it….oh well, it was still worth it. but i basically just danced the entire time i was there, and it felt great. i was a nice massive sweaty mass (or aqua man) and i even got away without getting hit on by any guys despite my probably flamboyant appeal. but yeah, dancing on stage, dancing around, dancing with rita, it was all a blast. i mean even people like tryo and parks were dancing, it was great. i swear that club just cuts you loose when you get there, its just infectious when you’re drunk.

side note: parks and troy told me about this last night, and it has gotta be one of those things that you hear about but never really come into contact with. just kinda like one of those maxim tru lies or something. but anyways, one of troy’s friends goes out one night, runs into some random girl out side of rumors, and ends up with her back at his car, and she schlobs his knob for him. so he goes into rumors, and eventually this tall asian girl comes up and offers to suck him off, so he goes outside with her, and they go into his car again, except this time, while she’s going down on him, he reaches down to finger her….only to grab a big handful of man wang. good god, i don’t even know why that guy let that kind of story slip. that’s just something you take to the grave….also makes you kinda wonder about the first “girl” he got head froom.

but anyways, we had to walk back to chanta’s house after that and that was an adventure, caus ei was trashed and my knee was already starting to hurt, but we made it back home and i woke up sitting on the couch around6 in the morning.

what an absolutly rad night. peope need to have birthdays more often.

allright, i gotta run to my bus here, peace

things i’ve noticed latley:

1. there is beer in every room of our house.

this means EVERY room. this house permeates with beer, like if this house could sweat, there would be beer comign out of it. we’ve always got beer in the fridge, there’s beer in the bathroom, beer on the porch, beer in the tavern (well, of course) beer in the garage…everywhere. i’m not sure if this is rad or not, but my gut tells me that this is the awesomest awesome ever to awesome, so i’ll go with my gut.

2. i’m getting harrier.

i didn’t know if i just missed puberty or not, but i still couldn’t grow a respectable beard if i let it grow for the rest f the year. i swear i would have to shave every 20 minutes of a day for a week with a dull rusty bic disposable to get that kind of irritation on, then maybe i could do it. but then all of the sudden, i have to shave like once every 4 days, which is getting up there, i sprouted chest hair, and now i’ve noticed that the hair next to my wrists that is thickening, and now on the pinky side on the back of my hand, i’m getting little tufts of hair. what the hell, i start getting all this stuff when i’m 21? isn’t this supposed to happen when i’m like 19 or something? ah well, maybe i’ll be a wolf man by the time i’m 26 with hair all over my back and shoulders and stuff. then i’ll have to take nair baths and what not to reacquire my current level of sexiness.

3. tents are rad.

BAN AND MATT: whip out the smallest tent that you can get or find, and just spend some tiem in there with the gravity. this is a rad way to spend some time, let me tell you. almost as good as a closet and happy hardcore…..almost.

4. cars.

internal combustion engines have gotta be one of the craziest monky inventions that has come along in awhile. i mean, monkies figuring out how to control the atom is impressive and everything, but damn…thiose cars are just damned silly. i almost think that cars have been the largest influence on the spreading of our society in the 20th century. if we couldn’t travel the distances with cars that we could, there’s no way that we could spread the way that we have. there’s not enough supplies in a certain area to support the huge metropolises that we have created without being able to bring things in. and horses and carts just wouldn’t be able to cover the massive quantity that we humans need these days. this country would be nowhere near this big, i mean we would still have trains, but we’re not about to cover this entire country with tracks that goes out to everyone’s house. people would have to live in towns, and there’s only so many people that can be supported by a train stop in a certain area. without cars we wouldn’t be able to move the volumes of things taht we do now, therefore keeping us from spreading the way that we have.. i mean, all that stuff like agriculture, and fire is important and everything but that stuff just allows us to live, not to live with a population of hundred of millions.

5. I’m gettign sick of porn.

i don’t know if i overloaded or something, but i just don’t go on my rounds like i used to. i don’t even feel like downloading movies right now. i just don’t really want to go through all the crap. if there was a page full of links where all i had to do was right click on them and download it, i could do that. but it takes too long to browse through all the usual pages (where there are more than 30) and just download things over and over. i don’t even spend much time on my computer these days, and i just don’t feel like spending my time getting more porn. the fact that i have to sort through my hard drive and clean it up AGAIN cause its full mght also have an effect. but latley, i just don’t care about porn, or even whacking off that much right now. normally, its like clockwork to masterbate before going to bed. but i’ve been blowing it off on more than just one occasion.

GOOD GOD, I’M GONNA BE IMPOTENT, I GOTTA START MASTERBATING 5 TIEMS A DAY, RIGHT NOW!!!

ok, so maybe its not that bad, i mean i still get horny, and masterbation is still great. i just don’t want to spend the time to download the shit.

6. Everyone Mangles.

i swear i should write a book about manglers, and just compile it into one gigantic massive, illustrious, guide to manglers. man, it would take my whole life to make somethign that comprehensive though, because Everyone Mangles. no matter who you are, you are a mangler in one sense or another. mangling is just a fact of life. if you are alive you will mangle. now of course there are different degrees of mangling, but that’s why i need to write a book about it, to educate people about what is a mangler, and what type they are. because soem people just can’t really see how much of a mangler the people around them are. most are even blind to their own manglness. i suppose we all are…but you can at least have a concept of it if not a complete understanding.

Everybody Mangles: A Mangler’s Guide to Mangling in the United States.

that’ll be the title of my book, and i’ll tour the country giving lectures at all the prestigious universities, getting paid as much as bill clinton to talk in various locations, educating the nation that is by far the largest mangling nation in the world. we think we control it all, but basically we’re just mangling like everyone else.

number of times a derivative of mangle was used in those 8 lines: 15

number of times i got distracted by mike while writing this:2

number of tiems sex popped into my head while i was writing this: 0 (is this freakin’ possible?)

number of people who mangled while i wrote this: too numerous to count