bah to school, one week left. almost there. almost. eh, who cares. so break rolls around and i gotta deal with other stuff again. i don’t know if i feel up to it. not yet anyways. maybe after cramming for a week i’ll feel better about taking a break. cause right now, i’m just feeling like break is goign to be a black hole of time, and i’ll have to deal with home again…it was wierd, it was the first time i was home and i didn’t even feel a sense of home. i don’t feel it up here, i don’t feel it down there, nowhere is comfortable anymore. just another phase i’m sure though.

pretty soon i’ll be out of college, then what? i’ll be this highly trained cog. able to fit in anywhere in this complex american machine. an interchangable part, that can fill a hole, but be easily replaced by s cog that is in the same shape as me. my brain will be sophisticated enough to fill a void that someone has determined for me.

buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

the incessant noise is just that….noise. noise everywhere, buzzing, moving, going, trying, having, wanting, pushing, shoving, thinking, planning, persuing, hurry hurry hurry…wait…hurry.

entertain me.

help me justify my clandestine activities, whatever they may be, i don’t even know what i keep secret anymore..

make the time go faster, anyway, anyhow, anything, i don’t care, as long as it makes me feel somewhat shocked or amused.

both of the emotions are pretty similar to me anyways.

buzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ok i’m not really that jaded right now, only sorta kinda, if i was really jaded, i would go shoot myself or soemthing, and that’s just plain vanilla flavored dumb. you might as well get stupid, because its better to be stupid than smart.

Picture This:

a chorus line of mice, with top hats and canes, swaggering onto a huge broadway type stage with lots of white round lights flashing in a chasing fashion, with huge dark red, velvety curtain slightly swaying due to the massive amount of mice . singing in a very high, yet still harmonius voice….

“One. singular sensation. every little step she takes” (doo doo doo dooo doo doo)

and as the mice happily sing their broadway melody, we pan down to the orchestra pit where mice in black suits play their tiny instruments, with the graceful ease of the greatest virtuioso to ever touch the instrument. all of them know their place, know their role among the group, and produce the perfect sound for a perfect looking chrous line of mice.

the audience is filled with little mice families, with the little boys dressed in tiny suits with miniscule red bow ties, and the girls in their pretty frilly pink dresses, with lacy white highlights, and pink bows inbetween their ears. lots of mice…with black eyes, all staring up at the stage, filled with hope, filled with aspirations of the micely kind. they may have to go face the world they created for themselves tomrrow, but at this moment, they have created a different world for themselves. it may be an escape for them, but they are mice, and mice need escapes sometiems too. They enjoy their show, and afterwards, continue on to their respective semi-circular holes from whence they came.

ok so that was just ass random, it seemed so pretty though…we all need something pretty…

Listen:
laughter stems from too much understanding.
fear stems from a lack of it.