hahahaha, ok, my bad if this offends you mike (or maybe it doesn’t, i have trouble discerning these things latley) but i just have to say thank you for writing one of the most self-rightous things i have read in awhile.

“I feel”

i’m sorry, but this phrase negates anything following it.

but besides that, why am i sitting at this computer when i should be ingesting alcohol right now? holy fucking shit, get my priorities straight!

“holy binge drinking batman, can you really chug that entire fifth of tequila?”

“i can swallow that much of your man juice, can’t i robin? this is a cinch”

“you’re the greatest batman!”

and now i find somethign better to do.

lordy lordy! this quarter’s almost over….

man, i don’t have anything of interest to say right now, absolutly nothing. i don’t do anything interesting anymore and nothing interesting happens to me. well besides that two headed 8 year old girl i saw on the discovery channel. i mean that brought up all sorts of questions as we were watching it. like this girl is a conjoined twin and the two heads have respective control over their half of the body. you would think this would make it hard to function, but they acted completley normal, like even playing basketball and other very coordination intensive activities. it makes you wonder how it’s going to be for their future though. i mean it would be awkward dating, it would be awkward trying to choose a school to go to or something, anything that you would almost certainly decide on your own directly impacts someone, and there’s no choice in the matter. you are fucked. hopefully they have similar tastes….

man, i kinda wanna go off on this now, but i gotta get back to work. short quarter death.

HO Ho ho….green giant

we got cable yesterday, so now it’s time to add yet another black hole of time into our house. i’m going to try to avoid it, but i know i’m gonna get sucked in. but i mean, it’s not like tv can get much better after that whole joe millionaire fiasco (paul is my new hero), so i might not be drawn to crappy cable shows. but god, after growing up with just rabbit ears all your life, you just get used to the idea that everytime you turn on the TV, you’re gonna have to fuck around with some wires, or some crappy antennae, just to get a really fuzzy picture. you’ll also spend some time trying to get it to the point where it doesn’t have feedback, because a fuzzy picutre is one thing, but fuzzy sound is just intolerable.

but now! oh sweet technology! you turn on the tv, and it’s already clear! dozens of channels to turn off your brain to. my tv even has this feature that says what channel you’re on, and what show is currently playing!

could i say my life is now complete?

i should say so!

and let’s see, i could chronicle the weekend here while i’m at it….but i don’t feel really inclined to go over everything in detail, so maybe i’ll just give a synopsis:

1. we got a keg of busch.

2. we drank alot.

3. we had fun.

man, that’s just terrible, what the hell kind of synopsis is that? “we had fun” i mean, that means we could have been out on the prowl for stray sheep or something.

the best was saturday night though, when we went to rumors for our gay friend matt’s birthday, we all ended up getting hammered before hand, and mike chris and i brought two litres of beer, and a gallon. which was totally consumed before we got to the bars. so we danced around, i ran into some people and chatted, and danced with some cute girl for quite awhile, it was a rad time at rumors. but like 10 minutes before closing time, keegan went upstairs saying some girl was taking him up to the cage to dance with him. so he’s like “hellz yeah” but we all know this girl is a guy who likes to prey on straight fellas (we’ve already heard a few stories where this guy takes other guys to his car and goes downon them before they know what’s going on) so we know what’s going on, and we figure keegan does too. keegan does not. so at the end of the night, renee (keegan’s girlfriend) goes up to get him from the manager’s box or whatever, and we hear her screaming really loud and being carried down the stairs (full nelson style) and trashing around. so she breaks free and punches him right in the eye, then runs off. so her and chris took off towards home, while the rest of us milled around wondering what the hell happened. so as we’re leaving, the manager is following us, on his cell phone with the police, trying to figure out where she ran too. of course we’re yelling back “stop following us, we’re not gonna lead you to her” and keegan starts trying to pick a fight, and amber cools it down, and ends up talking to the police while we get the hell out of there. man, the hilarity…

but yeah, i drank way too much beer this weekend, and there’s still more left. my goal is to finish it off tonight….it shall be done. got an hour before class, it’s blustery as hell, and i am goign to go subject myself to the elements as i fitfully try to get from here to fred meyer, to school…looks like i better bust out my snowpants….

been awhile since i seriously blogged……

here’s to anticipation!

hahaha, man i just randomly thought of my msn name which is “i have issues” and everytime i look at it, i snicker. it’s a hilarious saying. i mean, it’s pretty much what everyone likes to scream about these days.

you know how it goes…i have issues…they’re important….

so anyways, we have a keg here, and we all got ruined last night and we hardly put a dent in it…i suppose we’ll have to try harder tonight. man, this idea was just genius.

man, this quarter is ass, i so want it to be over. stupid short quarter, it’s just a barrage of tests that never seems to end. que sera…this week hasn’t been so bad i suppose, and there’s the weekend in a couple of days, i fi just get shit together i’ll be able to enjoy at least friday and saturday.

so when i read ben’s thing about bogosity, i was just laughing. that stuff is somethign that so much time has been put into and should just be an over inflated joke, and yet it makes so much sense. so many things are bogus that never get pointed out.it’s time to hone my bogometer…shouldn’t be any problem since i live in a college student society.

dammit, i gotta do something, i want to finish all this shit so i won’t worry about it later, i just want to have nothing to do right now. stupid self nagging….

hahaha, this weekend was rad, i don’t think i’ll forget having all of us more than tipsy pushing mike’s car for a couple of blocks. why chris was driving i’ll never know.

woo hoo! it’s friday!

school gets put on hold for binge drinking

showers are pretty cool, you get to do all the inappropriate stuff that you normally couldn’t due to hygene and shit. i mean you can sit there and scratch your ass or your nuts to your heart’s content, cause with all that water running over you, you’re technically CLEANING them. and cleaning is good.

good lord, i watched a movie yesterday in my physics class. and not just any movie, THE movie for physics. the movie i watched in elementary school, junior high school, high school, and now finally college. the cycle is complete. i know anyone who took physics after 1975 has seen this movie. the movie i speak of is the one about the life of galileo in a span of 20 minutes. you know the one where he’s sitting at the table with the king, and two hos at his side, while he drops the orange and the grape in front of two very belligerent cardinals, who get very angry at him. and then an old him in front of the cardnials during the inquisition, where he is forced to renounce his copernican view of the universe.

I thought that was pretty great, watching it in a college science class where all we do is listen to lectures these days, because it always seems like the teachers can never fit in everything they want to. so they just load it on, while you sit there grimacing thinking “you mean there could have been more on this test?” but it was rad, it was like back in high school, i just instantly

*dee dee deeeee deeee dee dee deeeee deee*

“we’re sorry to interupt your reuglarly scheduled blog, but this is just too important, we bring you DA NEWZ, on the front….live with ryan driscoll, comin’ at you hard, loud and fast. or maybe justlukewarm. how are things on the front ryan?”

“well let me tell you things aren’t as pretty as they seem. you may think that things are amusing, but let me tell you, they AREN’T! what you gotta do is get in on the ground floor with stuff. now i know that you may think that its way too fargone to get in ont he ground floor of somethign so abstract, but then i’d have to tell you YOU’RE WRONG!!!! act now!!!! supplies are running out!!!! stuff is on the loose, and there’s nothing you can do about it. well i suppose there’s always the items, but they’re really obscure. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE STUFF I LIKE! ME! if i can’t convince you, i’ll sure as hell try because my opinion matters so much, and is so right i feel the need to inform others! CAUSE I KNOW THEY CARE! who wouldn’t care about my opinions, i’m me!”

this out burst of belligerence was brought to you by a couple of chimps on exercise bikes (becuase everyone lovees chimps, even jesus, despite the fact that he doesn’t believe in evolution. it’s true! he told me in a drunkin stupor once, he just waltzed up, started reading something on his hand that had something to do with evolution and then just pimp slapped me! i never saw it coming! i swear it was true! I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!111 ROLF!!11111)

“well thank you ryan, we are now much enlightened, we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog’

nodded off for 15 minutes after it, waking up occasionally cause everyone was laughing at the girls in the movie who were just die-cast stereotypes of what a real woman should be. you know….giggly, oblivious, and dumb as a post. man, i’m lucky this damn class is easier than the standard, otherwise i probably would be ripping my hair out this quarter….just a month and a half to go….guess i better get back to my studying, i have a test on friday. school is rad.

yeah ben, your damn web hosting, i hate you so much….

bah! i’m hyper. i’m hypertensile collagenous fibers, because collagen and reticular fibers and elastic fibers all sit in the extra-cellular matrix of the loose connective tissue, along with macrophages that keep the area clean through phagocytosis.

this, among many other things are the shit i spent all day studying…i use that term loosely though, it was more like “memorizing”. and since the test was at 7 pm i had alot of taoday to study, which was good, and yet…it was way too much time spent on it.

oh well, school is school, and no one who’s readign this wants to hear about schooly school school school

They want drama! They want excitement! They want tales of swash-buckling deeds with a knife in my teeth and my arm around a chick whose boobs are spilling out of her top.

damn, i just can’t get off this pirate kick i suppose….hey that’s what i’ll do, ok this is gonna be long ass long, but i’m gonna post up my brothers movie script he wrote for school, i know i’ve shown this to ben already bu ti think this needs to go up, yes it is fairly long (like 3 pages worth of text or somethign, but trust me, once you get to the end, if you have any sense of humor at all, you will realize the genius of this film. also note that my brother is playing this at an assembly, so the whole part of the school that goes to assemblies and doesn’t ditch school is gonna see this.

New Script

A script by:Evan Driscoll and Matt Lipe

Fade In:

Int. Dinner Table – Night

A family of four sits around a dinner table: A mother (Anne), a father (Brad), and a daughter (Shelly). They are sitting silently staring at their food or something else. It feels a bit awkward in the room, but not too strange. In walks their son (David), who sits down at the table. The father looks up at everyone.

Brad: So, are we all ready for grace?

Anne: Yes honey.

The family bows their heads down, and fold their hands in their laps.

Brad: Dear god: Thank you for all the great food this evening. We thank you for everything you’ve given us; great home, great friends, and especially a great family. Amen.

Anne, Shelly, and David: Amen.

The family lifts their heads and begin to eat their meal. There is another lengthy silence. Brad lifts his head and looks at Shelly. Brad gives her a bright smile.

Brad: So Shelly, why don’t you tell your mother and brother what happened to you today.

Shelly’s face lights up just as her fathers did.

Shelly: Well, I was sitting in fifth period when Miss Charlotte walked in and told me there was a message for me in counseling office. So I go down there expecting to find a late book slip or something, but it ends up being a letter from (Literal Pronunciation) Dart mouth…

Davis: Don’t you mean (Actual Pronunciation) Dartmouth?

Shelly: Yeah sure whatever, but the important thing is that they sent me a letter and… You are looking at the recipient of the Dart mouth six-thousand dollar scholarship for excellence in stage acting. (Puts on an English accent) Apparently they saw my performance in Ice Woman Commith, and they couldn’t help but fall in love with me.

Anne and Davis’s face light up also. The whole family has a smile on their face.

Anne: Oh my goodness Shelly! That’s great!

Davis: Are you serious? You’re really gonna go through with this whole acting thing?

Brad chuckles in the background.

Shelly: Definitely.

The mood calms down a bit, although there is still a very happy vibe in the room.

Anne: We’re so proud of you Shelly. I just know your light up the stages. Our children are so wonderful Brad; A movie star for a daughter and a soon-to-be successful neurosurgeon.

Davis’s face droops a bit, but still looks quite content. He looks up at his mother.

Davis: You know, I was thinking about that whole “neurosurgeon” thing.

Anne looks back at Davis with a look of confusion, yet she still has a smile on her face.

Anne: What’s there to think about honey?

Davis looks around the table a bit. He looks very serious.

Davis: I was actually thinking about becoming a pirate.

Shelly looks at Davis with an utterly confused look on her face.

Shelly: A pirate? Like an “Argh!” (makes a pirate face) Pirate?

Davis: Well… yea.

Anne’s face lights up… this time with anger and confusion.

Anne: A PIRATE?!

Davis has a totally calm look on his face. Apparently he thinks this is pretty practical.

Davis: Well… yea. I figure exploring the sea and robbing people blind might be fun. So I said “Hey, why not?”

Anne’s face changes to a look of sincerity.

Anne: Are you on drugs Davy?

Davis: No, I think it could be very profitable and fun.

Brad’s face looks pretty comfortable and confident. He seems to be very supportive of his son’s decision.

Brad: Yea… I could try that.

Anne’s face ignites with anger.

Anne: Do you hear what both of you are saying? Have you ever heard of any successful pirates within the last 100 years?!

Davis’s face continues to look sensible.

Davis: Well…

Anne interrupts her son.

Anne: NO… Because they don’t exist anymore! They were all killed! Shot in the head! Musket’s maybe! Are you suicidal?! (Dead Serious) Davis, is this a cry for help?

Brad’s face has changed. He seems too look a little more down to earth, although he still seems a little strange.

Brad: She has a point Davy; I just don’t see it happening. Maybe you should be try being a doctor, or even a dentist.

Davis’s face drops. He looks a little down, but not sad.

Davis: Yea… You’re probably right.

There is a long, very silent pause. Everyone concentrates on there food. The mother takes a bite of her food, tilts her head up, stares at Davis for a little while. Than when she swallows her food she says:

Anne: A pirate? What’s gotten into you Davis?

Davis looks strait into his mothers eyes. He sounds sincere.

Davis: I don’t know what I was thinking. Sorry for even bringing it up.

Davis stares blankly into space. We get to see a peek into his strange little mind…

Cut To: Davis is sitting in a dentist room about to perform oral surgery on a patient.

Cut To: Davis is standing to the side of a patient lying down on a table. He has a scalpel in his hand about to perform surgery on him.

Cut To: A scene from the Goonies when they are on the pirate ship swinging on the ropes.

Cut To: Another pirate movie, most likely from Treasure Island.

Cut To: Davis is sitting at the table with the same blank expression on his face.

Davis: (Quielty, Sincere) Argh…

The End