i wonder how bricks get laid….do they go to a brickhouse and get dressed up in flashy mortar….god please shoot me. SHOOT ME NOW. i have these days, days where i don’t want to deal with people. people i know anyways. it’s easy to talk to strangers, they don’t expect anything of you besides general decency. it’s all these people that expect something of me that bugs me. the fact that i can’t even directly say if they expect something from me. i have to assume that i am expected of something. so just to be safe i do things that are expected of ryan, because in the end, it is easier. it’s annoying because i don’t want anyone to expect anything of me, because i know i’ll end up letting them down, or not meeting the bar, because more often than not, i don’t care. i don’t care about these things, but lots of other people do.

so bitter…why are all my blogs so bitter these days. what happened to my tolerance for others? i used to be patient and tolerant, and now, most often it’s just thinly disguised apathy. i don’t feel superior to others, nor inferior, it’s just like a i found a little niche to crawl into, and it suits me. sometimes people say things that are contrary to the way i would do or think about things. this leads me to not care because it’s their deal, and even though i don’t necesarilly agree with them, it doesn’t mean i’m right. then at other times people will come up to me and start talking about something i may agree with. more often than not though, their just praising how great the idea or method is, and not actually talking or analyizing it. if i agree, is it necesary to keep talking?

both of these are just non-communication, and of course i indulge of both of these, but i can only take so much. too much noise can be overwhelming….and annoying.

but again, the bitterness, i don’t have any reason to, it just happens. could be the books i read…