so i go to check my email between classes, and lo and behold, Jesus has sent me an email.

“wow, the savior himself, dropping a line to poor sinners like myself, telling me to preservere, and keep my chin up, because as long as i beliee in him, i’ll get what i want out of this life and the hereafter”

well, i opened that sucker up, expecting his grace to fill and flood me, and i got something that was cloe to my previous statement:

“Click here to see her take a h0rsse c00ck up her buutt”

ahhh, the power of jesus

well, i don’t have to print anything here in the library (reason i came here) and my bus won’t be here for another 20 minutes, so it’s time to blog.

if you want a good intro to anime, or want to compare and contrast something to it, go see kill bill. not only is it awesome, but it’s pretty much a live action anime. that makes for great entertainment, as far as i’m concerned.

man, i don’t have oppertunities like this very often. i sit down, and can think about anything i want, but i just draw a blank. i’m so busy most of the time that i’m just thinking about what’s next in my day, and if i’m not doing something productive, i’m gonna screw myself for tomrrow.

so school, you have a stranglehold on my life yet again, but now there are work and girlfriend factors to take care of as well (i’m sure i’ve reiterated this a few times) so now i’m busier than ever, but at the same time, i can’t remember being more content. if you don’t have time to reflect on things, and are constantly on the go, then you don’t really have time to think about things that aren’t consequential to accomplishing them.

seems kinda stupid escapisim, really. keep myself busy so i don’t have to worry about anything else. don’t have to worry about others, don’t have to worry about what’s going on in the world. i mean shit, i have no concept of what’s going on outside of my little world right now. i hardly ever watch the news, and haven’t been reading on-line newspapers like i normally do. i’m debating if this makes me an ignorant fool or not. on one hand, i am supposed to know about things that are going on in this world, and should be aware of what’s wrong with the world today, because it could in some way effect my future descisons. on the other hand, i just don’t give a damn. things will happen in the world regardless if i know about them or not and just because i don’t know all the details of the strife between palestine and israel doesn’t mean that i don’t care at all. it just seems like it’s too inane to follow everything. there’s always peace talks, or there’s always another bombing, or there’s GW doing some shit to help things out, or screw it up, or someone spouting off some rhetoric for everyone to care about.

does it really make me selfesh to think that these things are going to have about a .01% effect on whether or not i pass my next test, get all my classes in, graduate on time, work enough to pay my bills, make sure my bike works so i can get places, make sure i spend time with people i have friendship obligations to so i stay sane, make sure i have money for food, etc.

i can DO something that has a direct effect on these situations. i can talk all about the rest of the world till i’m blue in the face and won’t be able to accomplish anything.

and yet, this world is what provides me with the ability to have nothing but superficial worries about my life. if we don’t get oil, then trains and trucks can’t supply me with the food i eat, the paper i write my assignments on, and pretty much every facet of my life that can’t come directly from the northwest. america borrows so much of the worlds resources that the only reason i can live the uninvolved life i do is because of everyone else in the world.

so maybe i should care about it. where would that get me?

a sense of global community?

a feeling of gratitude for everyone else that supplies me with the components i need to make my life the way it is now?

if i didn’t get these things, would my life be different?

probably.

would i be a different person?

maybe.

could i know either way since i could only have one frame of reference?

nope.

so what’s a fella to do?

live in this vicious cycle until i’m forced to change, it doesn’t matter one way or the other, i’ll live how i have to, because more often than not, i won’t have a choice.

man, it’s hard not to sound ignorant.

long time, no see, blogger.

i rarley have any time to myself these days, let alone a desire to write wqhen i do have free time. i guess i don’t really have anything that outrageous to throw down, or anything that’s bothering me.

i mean, who wants to read about my boring life, especially when there’s nothing really out of the ordinary going on?

i did get hit by a car today while i was riding to work though, that dumb asshole. i didn’t get hit, he just pulled out in front of me and i ran into him. i didn’t hurt my self or my bike though, but damn that guy was an asshole.

whatever though, people are stupid i know this, and i can move on with my life, but that guy will always be a dumb motherfucker.

i realize as i look at this now, i don’t really swear a whole lot in my blog. maybe i do, and i just don’t notice it, but i tend to normally steer away from swearing because it dumbs things down too much. it’s easy to fill in voids of speech with explatives. they mean so muc, and have so many interpretations to them, that you can always sum up something by saying “that fucking shit over there” or something like that. i mean when you think about it, to get through a normal day in your life, you probably don’t use more than a thousand words or something. i bet it’s more than that but i know whatever it is, it would seem rediculously low, considering how much communicating and talking you do throughout the day.

the death of language is hopefully inevitable, but i might as well try and be eloquent while i can.

it’s saturday night, and i’m waiting in the library to study some biochemistry. what the hell. i haven’t studied on a saturday night in years, and i’m not terribly pleased about it. i gotta do all this extra work, cause our teacher isn’t clear on assignments (“just do every problem you can get your hands on, in the back of the book and in the workbook”) and her damn lectures giving me no direction, and her office hours giving me no direction. iat least school keeps me on my toes i suppose.

it’s kinda nice to have a job along with school. i mean, as long as the job is slack, and you don’t have to spend ALL your free time at it (just like 30 hours a week or something) then really, it’s fine. i find it hard to spend just one day a week sitting around doing nothing, i normally get bored really fast, and all the stuff i build up during the week to do (like watching anime, or playing vids) just kinda fizzles out after 2 hours or so, and i feel like i need to do something productive, yet not school related.

basically i’m too pragmatic for my own good. dammit, oh well, i’m cool and i know it.

what do i got going on upstairs right now. i mean i haven’t really had any deep thought time in the past couple months or so. i wonder if it’s because i have no time to sit down with someone and chat. i always seem to miss my roomates, but i suppose i’m gone a whole lot too. school is a job, and work is a time commitment. there’s a big difference between the two.

basically, the only thing that’s wrong with my life right now is that i have a biochemistry test on wednesday that i am cluless about, and my damn left hand just seems like it won’t ever get better.

and if that’s all there is, that’s pretty damn awesome

school is rad.

work is rad.

it keeps me too busy to blog, yet ultimatly satisfied.

i wonder why i almost always only consult the blog man when i’m dissatisfied?