some random thoughts for the day:

fashion has to be one of the funniest things that this society has created. it helps symbolize what a certain era is all about, in a representative manner. i wonder how we’ll look back at our fashion 40 years from now. i wonder if clothes will be even more scanty than they are now, although it seems hard to push it much further without being completley naked. and whaqt will we distinguish ourselves with when everyone finally realizes that being naked isn’t that big of a deal? i’m guessing tatoos and piercings will make a killing then.

if we ever develop the ability to communicate without words, how will MC’s make it in the world? their ability to succeed depends on their dexterity with words, and bust out crazy double entendres and metaphors. if your primary form of communication is without words, how are you going to be able to be clever? maybe it’ll phase them out, or maybe they will evolve to being able to generate pictures with heir minds to pass on to others, since they cannot do so with words anymore. i wonder if you could flow a feeling?

when astronauts are in space, do they have jizzing accuracy contests. ifigure that these astronauts are not celebate, and bringing your signifigant other isn’t an option, and sleeping with your crew mates is probably a pretty bad idea. so of course they wank it. but in zero gravity, that stuff has got to be contained other wise it would just fly in a straight line towards wherever it was shot. so why not have accuracy contests with yourself at least. i would set up a towel with a sharpied target on it, eventually working my way down to a washcloth. it would keep me entertained anyways.

that’s all i got for now, gotta go to class

a little avoidance blog.

supposed to be studying, but its hard to focus after spending 7 hours in the lab, so i’ll get crackin as soon as i write this blog. i have to anyways, time for a hell week. i think i deserve it after all the slacking i’ve been doing for the past week. i just don’t care about school anymore. i’m barley gonna make it out, that much i can see.

i spent 7 hours in the lab, and it seemed like nothing. i didn’t hate it, it was kinda fun, and i could see my self doing something like this at least for a couple of years before i burnt myself out. but already i don’t know if i want to because its just another get-in-through-connections-field-and-suffer-through-bullshit profession, just like them all. if you don’t start somethign on your own, then you’re going to be at someone else’s whim. and if you are, it’ll probably end up that there are other people along with you. if the boss is good, then all will be well, but this seems like it never can be the case. it’s impossible to cater to the needs of all your employees, and most time there is stupisity involved. this leads to the workers being unsatisfied, and then cliques in the workgroup start forming, and if you’re lucky you’ll find someone you can relate to, and make things more bearable. the movie theater, starflower, safeway, working in a lab, its all the same shit. you work with people you get along with, and put up witht he morons.

there is no escape from the cycle. i hear other adults talking about their jobs and its the same. you work, and it sucked because this boss was there, or this co worker. it made things suck. you couldn’t get something done because of them. you couldn’t do this on time. on and on and on. you work in a constant cycle of putting up with crap, just to return to it later. man, what a hopeless scenario. more than likely if i did something enjoyable like open a brewery, teach at high school, elucidate a metabolic patway that can be exploited to treat cancer, it will involve working with others, and you’re not goign to get along with them all.

i can deal, but people like to create drama, and so the cycle goes. drama in your social life, drama in your work life, the only place you can escape from drama is your own mind, your place of solitude. without any of that excess stimuli, you can live in harmony. of course this won’t last because you need food, you need water, you need entertainment, and all these other things you have been brought up on and are hard to get rid of. i mean, i like to simplify my life, but i wouldn’t readily cut video games, the internet or books out of it, because i enjoy them all so much. if other people didn’t exsist, i wouldn’t have these things, because i can’t create them myself. everyone depends so much on everyone else in this world, that it’s hard to escape.

and as much as i hate the fact that i have to live in these kinds of conditions, i thrive off them as well. i can’t say for sure because it hasn’t happened in awhile, but if i’m alone long enough, eventually i want to hang around with people. to interact, and exchange ideas, and various other forms of social discourse. i just don’t want them now because i can see some shitty cycles and am angry that i am both too powerless and lazy to break this cycle. maybe just lazy, cause i’d like to think that if i at least tried i could do something about it. but do somethign about what?

break the cycle. break what cycle? my life? could i move to the mountains with a knife and live off the land? now i’m probably going to be dependant on a drug for the rest of my life, just so my body doesn’t revolt against me and send a blood clot to my lungs, thus killing itself.if i moved to the mountains, i wouldn’t be able to get this drug, and thus i would die. i’ve already become a slave to this society through that. if all else fails, i can find food, and water, but not blood thinners. i’m alreay a slave to my needs, but at least all the necesities can be organically produced. now i got this chemical that i need to live. what a bunch of bullshit that is. regardless i’d rather live, and i’m sure alot of other people would like to see that as well, but now i’m more dependant on our society than ever.

i guess its not that big of a deal, i’m just bitter about my prospects for the future, and i just can’t see it looking much better than it is right now. the more i get, the more trouble it’s going to be. and yet i don’t want to simplify because of the pressure to succeed.

one interesting thing i did read (in a great book called The Beak of the Finch) about in evolution class that i’m supposed to be studying for now are thoughts on why conciousness came to be. everything else that has evolved is to avoid direct competition with other organisims fending for the same types of resources. by gaining an advantage of self-awareness we have filled the highest of ecological niches. we can create our own niches now, and modify them as we see fit. no other organisim will come to occupy this niche because we got there first, and it wouldn’t serve as an advantage, cause we’re already filling it. by filling this niche, we are at the same time, driving the evolution of this planet. we dust crops, placing heavy selection on insects to find ways from being killed. we disinfect everything to make sure that it won’t get us sick, but at the same time, we are putting huge pressure on bacteria and viruses to evolve. we alter the temperature of the earth which in change affects weather patterns, which changes the environmental pressures on another species. just because we are ruining this planet doesn’t mean we can destroy it. eventually, there will be a fast acting bacteria that has resistance to all our anti-biotics. eventually, we’ll raise the temperature of the globe up enough to alter the amount of dry land able to support all 6 billion of us. it may take a couple of decades, or it could take millions of years, but this planet is goign to go right on creating selective pressure that causes species to try and take advantage of them the best that they can. the world will not end if we or any species die out, it’ll go right on pushing plate techtonics, and absorbing energy from the sun until both are no more.

this isn’t one of the largest revelations i’ve ever had, its just one of those things that gets put into perspective for you by someone else, and it hits differently. it’s kinda bleak, but when you can look back 8 million years and see thousands of different species that aren’t alive today, but left descendants of what they once may have been, it makes you feel a little small. i don’t really care about the feeling small part, life will go on, and i’ll keep surviving, any way i see fit.

so i guess, that is what’s cool about being alive and concious. laughing in the face of evolution, as we slowly but surely drive our own change. i know evolution will have the last laugh though, and i’ll adapt or die, which is one of the few choices i really have.

what an ordeal….the fact that i’m on blood thinners allows a bacteria to take advantage of a nice little habitat that is the back of my throat, and swells it so large that eating is out of the question, talking hurts, and drinking water can only be achieved through chugging. it wasn’t fun to say the least, along with being feverish. the worst part was not being able to swallow my own spit. so i got this quart sized bottle of snapple, filled almost to the top with my various spittle, mucus, and bacteria, festering right now. i put alot of work into filling that thing (one and a half times over 3 days) so i’m wondering what i should do with it. i’m thinking of pouring some milk into it and placing it somewhere warm for a couple days and then finding some large airduct to toss it into.

its funny though, despite the fact that i couldn’t eat, drink, or talk for 4 days, i spent them in the lap of luxury. i spent all those days playing video games, watching family guy, or watching TV. if i hadn’t been so sick, it would have been a near-perfect weekend. its pretty much over now, and i had to take some test pretty well out of it, but i’d rather just do them, then try and reschedule. i find myself not really trying to hard in classes anymore.

so its beautiful around campus, all the birds are out, and loads of people. i think lots of people come to school on wednesday because most classes are MWF, and alot of people skip monday and friday, since they know they can get away going to soc 111 once a week. it also brought out good ol’ bible jim to preach to the students of red square the qualities of jesus, and the scumminess of everyone else.

normally i love this stuff, but this year it isn’t the same. the bible jim i’ve been seeing the past couple of years isn’t here this year, and has been replaced by people that aren’t that smart. the old bible jim would spout of wholly speculative arguments for repenting now, but he would have all sorts of back up and was intelligent enough to cut down naive zealot students that want to attack him because they think he’s the emobdiment of what makes religion wrong, and its cool to be agnostic. now those same naive students own these new guys who have no retorts, just cookie cutter responses of “you’re a sinner, you will not understand”

i mean, when i hear students go “i never asked you to preach to me!” it makes me smile. why then, are you standing there listening to him preach? it’s just as much your right to walk away as it is for him stand there. and yet you stand, listen, and give him an oppertunity to say something you’re probably not listening to so you can yell some more after he stops talking. way to go, you’ve really proved a point now. what are you trying to do, point out how rediculous his claims are? do you think he’s going to listen to you? he’s as interested in your ideas as you are in his. its his right to believe anything he wants as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, and these guys are harmless. modern day puritans that are all talk. personally, i think it’d be much more effective to just ignore them than to try and confront them, i’d wager they get off on that stuff.

anyways, it mgiht just be because i’m old and bitter that this stuff is funny to me, and that i like to play secret superiority games in my own head, where i’m #1.

#1

5 minutes, let’s see if i can make anything interesting in 5 minutes.

the current goal of this article is to prove nothing, a feat that has been tried many times before, but has always dismally failed.

in an attempt to understand the cosmos, many a scientist has been caught pondering

“well, there’s all sorts of somethings around me, what if there is nothing?”

so the scientist reaches out into the air, tries to grasp it, and says, well i don’t feel anything in my hand when i close it, so there must be nothing there. he had proved to himself that it was nothing, but he wondered why this nothing always made his bike ride hell when he rode against it.

so he concluded it was anti-nothing. not quite something because being the visually based creature he was, couldn’t point to anything without looking like a fool. but it wasn’t nothing because he still breathed it in and needed it to live.

in an effect, this nothing was creating something, which was himself.

all the nothing that is surrounding us all the time in turn, creates something, which is the nothing that you may want or precieve (hence the anti-nothing).

so i guess this story basically boils down to damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

a whole lot of nothing does, i think.

so what’s new? you doing allright? fantastic.

me? i’m the same, go to school, go to work, hang around, nothing terribly exciting.

cool, glad to hear it.

uh huh.

really?

wow, that’s rad.

————————————————————————-

i think i was trying to have an imaginary conversation with myself for a little bit there, but i realized i just put out my tool box of answers to about 95% of the questions i am asked in a goodly number of conversations that i have, when i’m hardly paying attention.

so the secret’s out. i’m caught. i really don’t care most of the time.

boo ya!