hidey ho, fellow!

how treats you this fine day?

fabulous.

really?

no way! i was totally thinking about doing something like that as well.

i was having this conversation with someone, at some point during the day, real or imagined i cannot discern. as i reach in my pocket for the delicious 3 musketeer that will soon be devoured i am struck by the odd thought that if i had no 3 musketeer in my pocket, would i still be reaching in there? NO! there would be no reason if there was nothing in my pocket especially a pocket with a huge lack of 3 muskateerage.

when i look out the window, i expect a winter wonderland. much like when i was at school and wanted it to snow so i wouldn’t have to go. but there’s nothing to be cancelled anymore. work can’t really be canceled on the account of snow, because if you don’t show up, then you don’t get paid. of course, unless you’re salaried, in which case you will be. but more than likely the snow is just going to create a hazardous drive to work surrounded by people haphazardly steering their own private hazards around.

black is a nice color on the eyes. whereas white is blinding and takes time to adjust to, black doesn’t take any adjustment. unless it’s glossy or chromey or something, then light gets reflected in your eyes. all your little cones and rods are firing in crazy manners when exposed to light, to create these stunning reproductions of things around you. TV’s still can’t match my rods and cones, but maybe someday they will, and then reality will really be in trouble.

the frequency during the day where you stand versus sitting is an interesting subject. you can’t stand all day, but alot of people sit all day. i guess people stand all day, i used to do stuff like that, working in retail. if you sit all day you feel like a blob though so a balance must be struck. if your body doesn’t get used kinetically, it will just store up some potential energy to be realesed later, and while it’s building up, you may feel the slightest bit of discomfort or anxiety as all the potential energy screams for release.

i think there’s this dam in my head that has been storing up potential energy all my life, but there’s no way to use a valve and let the dam trickle. it has to stay sealed behind the dam, or it has to break through, all at once. you either have to supress it or succumb to it. i don’t even know how i would go about succumbing to it. even if i did it would probably alter things so much as to have no frame of reference anyways.

but i guess sometimes there are cracks in the dam and a little bit seeps through before the subconcious runs to the rescue with some cement to patch it up. but it hits you and you wonder about the things around you, this feeling that everything doesn’t make sense, and pretty much can’t. everything around you seems so improbable, and yet there it is, something you can taste, feel, smell, and see. something so simple as this environment around you is incredibly not simple and the fact that you can even comprehend everything that is involved with it is stunning within itself.

here i sit, this guy named ryan, surrounded by a big improbable world loaded with billions of other improbabilities that somehow coalesce into this mish mash of tangible and intangible with me somehow fitting into this homoginized tub.

there’s no space or time to fit, only to be.

this blog deserves this, i need to figure out how to get it on permanently.

335th blog! here’s to another 335 more.

winter is in full swing with threats of snow making seattle drivers quiver in their boots. hell, the rain’s enough to double the waiting time of standard traffic. you’d think we’d all discover the magic of rain-x, it probably should be handed out anytime you go to the DOL or do something with your car registration. with detailed instructions, it shows how to properly apply this rain retardant. then you can drive without windshield wipers for a couple of days, through the magic of chemisty and non-polar bonds.

it’s cold, and it’s sapping my strength. physical exertion is very hard to accomplish when you’d rather be sitting inside in your robe with a nice fleece blanket wrapped around you, to avoid turning on the heat and wasting precious money for alcohol that can keep you superficially warm. i.e. Brown Shugga.

things are a little slow right now cause we’re out of the organic solvent, acetonitrile. it’s kinda funny to think that our DNA production is halted because we’re out of something. it’s like a automobile plant being out of steel, or out of money after rediculously overpaying employees and winding up with no money due to shoddy products. totally unrelated though.

the only reason to go to applebee’s ever is for happy hour. from 3 to 6, or after 9 half price appitizers may be had. eating a plate of chicken quesadillas and 10 wings is only made better by the fact that you are getting them at half price.

man, i’d rather it was busy here than blog about the mundane so hard.

let’s face it.

this is going to be inconsequential. the things that i write are an expression of the persona that i don’t get to use all the time. so i use this little digital device to throw out something that i have been thinking (or brooding) about and vent a little most of the time. my blog persona is much more fractured than my regular self, at least i’d like to think so. with all the craziness going around, i can’t say i’ve been denied my fair share.

out of all the things that i used to do on my computer, blogging is one of the few that remains. i used to instant message all the time. i used to be semi-social, and i still am, but it’s different now. part of me wants to be the fun guy and the other half wants to be isolated. other people end up influencing me and isolation loses out most of the time. but that’s changing as people become busier with responsiblities and the crap you have to deal with in the modern world, trying to make your way. i don’t get pushed so i don’t push back.

and that’s the way it goes. no big deal, you don’t even notice it happen, you adapt to the lifestyle in the best way you know how and kepp on truckin’.

everyday that passes by is thrown on the pile of me and all those little amounts start adding up, little by little until there’s a freaking huge pile and a person somewhere in the middle of it all. i don’t think my pile is that big right now, but it’s bigger than it was 10 years ago. and then you think of that pile and you wonder what this pile has to show for it. to show that it is here and exsists, that it has value. and it doesn’t really matter, in the end. it has value to you, it was created by you, and it is you. so you reap what you sow, and all that jazz. then where to?

i was thinking of why i don’t question anything anymore, and i think it just boils down to the person i am. given the set of environmental varibles i had, i did the best i could, and i think it turned out pretty well. having very few deficiencies in my life also helped. but it’s just not in my nature to think about things so much. i’d rather be told what to do rather than think it out most of the time. i’d rather read a story than make up my own. i’d probably have been an excellent military man.

thinking is such a luxury to have and i’d like to think that i use it to it’s fullest, but most times, its probably something i’ve handled before or is pretty similar so i just apply what i have learned before, and get by. all i have to do is subsist in this society that humans created, and seeing that i’m white, male, living in america, fairly intelligent, with a middle class family to back me up, it’s not that difficult to stake a claim and subsist. i have goals and will use what fate has given me, but there’s no hurry. life is fairly long and if i achieved everything i ever wanted, i’d just find something else to direct my attention at.

i don’t really question things because everything seems to have its place. even if you can’t understand it, it’s playing a role somehow. everything that happens on a daily basis happens for no reason other than the fact that it can, and i think i came to terms with that. instead of fighting the current to stay put, you just go with it, using what you know to maneuver through the eddies.

and where the current actually leads, i’ll worry about that when i get there.

i really feel like writing, but i don’t know i fi have the time to cover things that i want to. i know i won’t be able to write tonight, and yet i only have like 3 minutes before all the machines here start dinging which is their code for “refill me!”. i have to say that this job has been treating me well. i get alot of time to space out because everyone is so busy that focusing on anything but the task at hand is too much. start to wander too much and you’ll make a mistake that won’t be noticed for a couple of weeks.

but i know it probably won’t last. i need to start building a nest egg because anything could happen. some company could withdraw their order and suddenly, we’re out of money, and the expendibles are the first to go. it’s not that i feel expendible here, but i know that if things slow down, i won’t be needed. so i’ll go off to help some other corporation that’s in its “booming phase” where they need labor to reach financial goals. just keep bouncing around until i can do the thinking parts of the job, where i won’t be as expendible anymore. i figure i’ll be brewing before it becomes an issue though.

it’s been raining for the past 2 weeks here, and it’s glorious. fall is in full swing and everyday i ride to work, i need to dress up like i’m going snowboarding to keep dry. it’s nice to be out in the rain again though, and the cold weather, and the early dark. the seasons around here go like clockwork and even though one blends into the next almost imperceptibly, one day you notice, and it’s kind of nice. it’ll get old in a couple of months, and then it’ll change again. i don’t know if i’ll be able to move out of the northwest, i’ve spent a lifetime acclimating to and loving the climate here.

i just finished loading all the machines, so now i get to go out and go for a jaunty little ride in the rain. i always look forward to riding my bike though.