so you’re a kid, and you wanna go wheeee, but you ain’t got drugs yet.
you hold on to your life….hold on to your little….gonads and strife.

so yeah, no matter what anyone may tell you, all you have is your gonads and strife.

GONADS IN THE LIGHTNING!

so here i am thinking i should write since it’s been a couple weeks and writing helps unclog my brain most of the time. i guess there isn’t much backed up though as i can’t think of anything, really. i’ve just been feeling a little run down tonight, possibly afater pounding energy drinks and climbing for two and a half hours, then pounding 3 chicken sandwiches and a large fry from Jack-in-the-Box, my only meal of the day including the ranch burger i had eaten earlier in the day. man, i’m glad i’m young, but i think even at the young age of 24 my habits are starting to catch up with me.

here i stand on the cusp of 25, too young to be old, too old to be young. right smack dab in the middle of trying to find a social group to be a part of, to share similar life experiences with. so i find myself trying to learn as much as i can passively. i’m hooked on NPR podcasts, and Democracy Now!. but only because i can get paid at work to listen to them. i like to learn, but i like incentive as well.

so i have this strange sense of pseudo social awareness right now. it’s a race to be the most well informed in the world of current events and i’m woefully behind. i feel like i listen to this stuff differently though, not really paying attention to figures or names, but more the social message behind a story which more often than not is pretty simple. i just have this fascination of learning things i’ve never heard about before to add to my catalogue of the inane. so many factoids and events to keep track of it seems like an impossible task to apply it all. but i think that’s part of the fun of current events. hearing different facts from different sources, making your own opinion and then defending it.

it feels like learning about current events is supposed to make you a better citizen in this world, but i still feel the same. i’m still just ignorant ol’ ryan, with just more knowledge of what’s going on, but not really. i can understand why there’s so much outrage what with secret prisons and denied clemency for reformed gang founders, and yet i don’t feel any of the outrage. it’s hard for me to just go around haphazardly emphasizing ith every atrocity in this world, and i certainly don’t want to pretend. i listen to debates or read forums on various issues and it just boils down to a high school debate. everyone’s more interested in what terms actually mean and distinct definitions and concrete logic and facts. instead of talking about the implications of all these secret prisons, i mostly hear about what the actual definition of torture is, or what it should be. people are just looking to be right, not empathetic. and with being right comes rightousness…

but on the other hand how else are you supposed to debate them? without facts and terms there is no debate, just arguing and conjecture. so catch-22. yet another system that is inherently flawed, so go ahead and just throw it on the pile of God’s “To Do” Box. time isn’t really a big deal with Him, and it will be handled in the order recieved. so i’m left yet again to take my life at face value, suck it up, and be true to myself, and at least that doesn’t seem to change.

but then, what was i looking for?