sometimes i can’t tell if my brain moves too slow, or if it moves so fast that it plugs itself up with too many things and becomes slow.

i finished Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and it just leaves me with more questions as to how i believe what i do, and why. i know this will be a book to return to, but it needs time to digest.

my brain’s all wrapped up in subjective and objective and how quality births the both of them, and how good can come before truth. things i’ve never really thought about before, and at such a loss to examine properly. i have no philosophical training, and only have logic to guide me.

and my brain is moving too fast for me to properly analyze, as questions become repeats, and answers lead back to the same questions. what am i looking for in these answers, and how am i going to be sure that they are the quality that is necesary?

what’s kinda funny is that i went to my tracker for this site, looked at what people were searching for when they found my site (i find it amusing) and i find someone looking for “sub-ject-ive blogger” and lo and behold, here i was only a year ago looking at the same dealings of subjective and objective and coming up with very little, because i don’t think i had thought enough about subjective and objective things. not that i haven’t much in the past year (although i feel like i constantly evaluate everything) and yet it pops up again when i need it. i was looking for a relationship between the subjective and the objective, where the subjective appears to define the objective, but i now know that isn’t so.

to have the subjective is to be able to identify the objective (from this point on this is talking out of my ass) and the objective in turn solidifies the subjective. i think the relationship goes even deeper than this though since quality is what brings both of them about (which i still don’t totally understand). quality is unmeasureable, and yet we are drawn to it, it’s the bridge that holds the subjective and objective together (and i’m sure there are more than a few others) and it’s RIGHT THERE. staring at me, waiting for me to realize something. but realize what?

the things that i cannot comprhend. is that it? way to general. it’s there…so close. i don’t even know if i’ll be able to put it into words. acceptance. but more understanding is necesary to bring about the acceptance.

the values i hold? ok, maybe. if quality is determined by the values i hold, then that would influence everything. it’s different for everyone, these values, and quality is different for everyone. change begins with yourself, but in the end, only yourself you can change. the values i hold don’t change, i just become more aware of them. the things i find solace in are the in direct connection with that which i value, and my exisitance is defined as such. things i find objectionable also factor in. filters i set up to discern the two apart. my subjective and objective is held in check by that which i can’t even explain, because it is at the core of me as a pattern, and not an object.

i can see why some people say that god is in everyone, because in a bizarre way, they’re right.