i hadn’t really planned on writing, but i got 15 minutes to kill and now it sounds like a good idea.

everyone’s talking about katrina. but i won’t. not my place to pass judgement.

or is it? i can write all i want about how horrible the situation is down there, how people are still suffering daily, and how the federal government really dropped the ball on this one. but that just throws my opinion out there, which is the whole point of this blog. but i don’t want this blog to be a political commentary, because i don’t feel i have enough information to actually write anything of consequence.

the news i listen to is very biased, and even though i may try to balance it out with other sources, i don’t really think it’s ever enough. there’s so much information to be gathered, to be put in order, to be interpreted. i don’t dedicate that much time to current events, it’s more like a hobby. i figure in another 20 years, i’ll have enough perspective to put in more context. i would just feel like an ass if i threw my opinion on here about anything other than myself, or things directly associated with me.

not that everything going on in the world doesn’t affect me, but this blog is not meant to capture that side of me. like i have said before, this blog is an internal dialogue for me, and i think that’s about all i can handle writing about. leaving notes to the me of the future on how to deal with this brain that has been bestowed on me. i know what i think about current events, but it’s my ideas of myself as a person that dictates how i feel about them. that’s what i more interested in with this blog. find the root, then everything else falls into place. write it down so i can reflect on it.

do something with it, dammit.

time stamp for the first time i attempted a homebrew. not sure if it will turn out well or not, but i have a good feeling.

Cooper IPA. can’t name this one because it came straight from cans. let it ferment for a week and we’ll see how it is. it smelled wonderful though.

step one on this journey.

beta blogger? google account? leave me alone web conglomerates and just provide me with high quality free services. i don’t want to pay for my quality.

so here i am friday night, working late. well late in the sense that no one is here past 6. except me, but it’s no biggie, i’m learning new skills as i gain more responsibilities. which is because of a loss of staff, unfortunately. another job, another near scare with instant unemployment. time to start saving in case business doesn’t pick up and people get laid off while management figures out how to be profitable. such is the business world, no hard feelings, it’s just business. maybe a new job would be good though, i’m way to comfortable here. i just need to last like another year though, then it’s back to school. god would health insurance be nice though.

enough work bitching though, so boring. i need a bike ride in a bad way, it’s been two weeks. i got about an hour to kill here, i’m going to head home, grab my road bike and see how many miles i can get in a half hour or so.

i just realized my blogger doesn’t have a comment section. i wonder if that’s intentional. i obviously care what some other may think or i wouldn’t write in such a public forum to be used against me in the trial of the century i’m sure to be involved in at some point of my life. i throw this out there so that i can be taken out of context, taken as whatever side of me decides it’s at the helm and wants to pontificate on something, anything. comments would probably be valuable, but isn’t terribly important to me. and defending ideas is a pretty futile effort, not to mention a time burglar.

i wouldn’t mind it so much, i guess it would let me know people wander here from time to time. i really don’t have much of an idea who my audience is, besides the people i know. i know most people find this site looking for “drunkin sluts” so with that little quote all lined up, this will be the particular blog they come to in their quest.

sorry to disappoint, but the only drunkin slut here is me, and that’s got to be more than a little disheartening. no pictures, even? what kind of stone age is this blog living in? no blogs linked to blogs? this quiet little rant sitting in the corner of the internet somewhere, willfully seperating itself from blog culture to become nothing more than a rant, a rave, with a dash of idiocy. nothing of substance to see here people, move along.

i’m only 25. where the hell do i go from here? everywhere seems the same as anywhere and is only different enough to show you what an idiot you are. i wouldn’t even be so bold as to call myself a self-realized idiot, because that would have to rely on a bevy of presumptions i couldn’t begin to line up.

i had this moment a couple of days ago where i spent the day trying to mess with my perspective and focus so intently on my depth perception as to make it feel like reading the same word over and over. it loses meaning. lines blend, blur, fade, objects become so stark in their contrast as to become nothing. i sense so much, and yet my brain hasn’t adapted to be able to take it all in. my brain only evolved up to a certain perception and felt that was enough to live with and stopped there. that sounds like me though.

dammit, maybe that’s why it stopped. once the conciousness sets in, the rest has to be developed by that conciousness. people have been doing this for tens of thousands of years, building off the discoveries of others, and i have to make the choice to evolve now. but there’s nothing to strive towards, just blind stumbling from day to day. the idea of evolution is that an organisim will continue to change until it is the premium candidate for it’s environment. which leaves us concious folk staggering , punch drunk with the prospects of trying trying to grapple with our conciousness because the environment we evolved into was this earth we now inhabit, but now forced to push the bounds of the mind so that it has a place to fit into a completly different but fully interwined niche.

the angst, the hipocracy, the joy, the beauty, all stemming from this quest towards a new end that can fractal off somewhere else. trivial and everything at the same time. this topic is even meandering, much like myself. my brain slays me. it’s sense of humor is so impeccable as to leave me gasping for more. meandering, wandering keeping the momentum, going with what has already been well established and making sure not to make too much of a dent in the direction as to mess things up and waste energy.

*stream of conciousness warning*

we warn current readers that the blog now kicks into overdrive with thoughts and ideas being spilled out of my brain without real thought of consequence, with only the idea of cathartic release that comes from letting the subconscious go.

feeling with the core of everything that wanders in to be beheld in a reverence that only those who care can come to appreciate and enjoy with their lives in the hands of that which they cannot even fathom, let alone grasp fully, understand fully and greet with open arms that make it here and keep it there to make sure that eveyrone has a fair slice of their piece, what holds them to this humanity, what holds them together as a group of free thinking people that are encouraged to get along for the betterment of the specis as they also keep to themselves and fluster when too social for there are limits to everything that we have that we impose to protect ourselves from what we can create with just the very fabric of our minds, locked to protect ourselves from too much momentum at once , to protect us from ourselves, which we have no control over, no way to get a handle on , and no way to predict and place into a nice neat package, because without the foresight, we might be robbed of our lives, the only thing that is really concrete enough to hold onto, the ability to keep ones self from dying and passing on into something completley unknown, so presumed to be worse.

*end stream*

i wonder if there are certain nuerons in my subconcious that act up more than others, or if all of them need a little ion exchange from time to time. there must be some part of my brain that tells it to spout off self-important gibberish to the masses, or at least recorded for my own use later. a hierarchy of brain cells in my brain, vying for dominance, to seek complete control of both hemispheres, to bring about something new in it’s own cast and image.

fractaling out of control. can i see your license? i think there may have been some sort of update i missed out on.

another two years, another trip to NJ. visiting with my family helps me get some prespective, and i get to sit on the beach and body surf all day. fly kites, play with the kids, build sandcastles, turn the brain off. finish a few books. eat until you explode. everytime i get there i’m amazed at how easily i slip back into talking with everyone, like we never left. it is nice to be back where the heat and humidity aren’t debilitating though. heather came out as well, for the first time to meet everyone, and she fit in prefectly, like i knew she would. i don’t think i would have brought her otherwise. the blessings never cease.