i had a strange experience this morning. i have been trying to meditate lately, and i’ve been getting a little better, but i took it in a completely different direction today. i was listening to charizma and peanut butter wolf while i was doing yoga, and usually i can’t even do that to hip hop, because i get distracted by the lyrics, and it distracts from my focus. but i made the lyrics my focus while i was stretching and i transported myself to a hip hop wonderland, where i spent half the time popping and locking, and another half rocking the crowd. it was a truly different experience.

but i’ve felt it this week. my brain has been going off on tangents, and instead of just naturally coming to a dead end like they normally do, they’ve kept on rolling. but it feels like there’s an element of control to it, so it’s different than i’ve ever really dealt with my subconscious. like my brain realized that both halves are too similar to let different modes of function interfere with their interaction. i think being happy is the lubricant that keeps the two from grinding on each other. but i bet i could do this now under any emotion, it’s just more pleasant when i’m fulfilled.

i feel like my brain is capable of anything these days, and the me inside of me and outside of me are at terms with each other, creating this me that is different, yet the same. in coming to terms with “accepting my fate” i in turn, came to accept myself that much more. because that fate is based off of me, and the environment i am in.

i remember writing at some point that people are different from other species due to their ability to alter their environment. also how that the environment of the mind was a different entity, something that people have to deal with. i know it sounds so “duh”, but i can look and see now that my mental environment overlays this other environment, and my mind interacts with that around me, like two halves of my brain interact with each other. an environment can go from an ecosystem to a mitochondria, from the complexities of the mind to a workplace. it’s the interaction that’s important, because that burden of choice is, i feel, in my control.

it’s weird, i re-read this and realize how pretentious this can sound. how can i help that? i keep coming up on seemingly simple explanations to my trivial thoughts, and i type them out to sort them.

depending on the environment, this could be read a million ways.