and….start.

get this going, in one direction or another. i got some time to kill here, and even though i came in early, it looks like i will be leaving late. no big deal though. the extent of my night is to set up my 401k, to plan for my future so that i can be one of the people that planned, the ant instead of the grasshopper. so i got a busy night ahead of me.

but for now, i sit here. with lots on my mind but seemingly no way to express it. there are no solid ideas, nothing to grasp, to put into words. just feelings seemingly coming from nowhere with no way to express them, because it’s mostly just general anxiety. christmas anxiety, i would mostly think. i love giving and receiving gifts, but it’s alot of work. someday, i can be that crazy uncle that shows up at christmas half-drunk, pulls out a money roll and hands out twenty bucks to everyone as a christmas gift. it’s funny to think about, but i don’t think i could ever pull that off. unless i something-something. go crazy? don’t mind if i do!

but i love this time of year, and i think becoming less involved with it would ultimately detract from all this hullabaloo. i just have the natural reaction of wanting to hide until it all blows over. which i know isn’t the best solution, but sure looks to be the easiest. i just want to go home and rock out to guitar hero. or read. or go for a walk. anything but be here, where there’s nothing to do until about 4 pm, when i get everything i need to get rolling. sometimes i enjoy the lack of busy, but at times like these, i desperately want to be. i just don’t want to resign myself to surfing, but it’s probably what’s going to happen.

so i resign.