i’ve been sitting here for about 5 mintues, trying to get the ball rolling. it’s really the hardest part about writing. when to stop is tough, but not as hard as getting started, especially when i’m not particularlylooking to put down anything. i mostly come to this site with time on my hands, and nothing to say until i spend a little time getting started and then i realize that maybe there is something up there that needs to be said, but i get distracted.

i realize my brain likes to wander and not leave a trace. i can think for hours and not really get anywhere. i make little connections, notice something different after turning it over for awhile, and then it slips back into the ether of my subconscious. it leaves no trace unless someone (mostly someone else) kicks it up.

i find myself as that kind of person alot these days. or maybe i’m just noticing it finally, which makes more sense. i feel like i spend most of my time waiting to respond to something outside of me, as opposed to acting on what is going on inside. most of the time, there’s nothing going on up there. really. i find myself thinking alot about what i should be thinking about. if i come here though, i’m forced to think in long, run-on sentances that is pretty much me communing with this blog oracle, but mostly myself. if i slow down and take time to write this stuff down, sometimes, something pops out. more so than when i sit and ruminate with no form of recording media.

my head isn’t into details, what can i say. or more precisely, details i don’t care about. talk about a universal filter. i don’t understand why some details get stuck to neural pathways, and others are sloughed off to sit in the basement. i don’t even care if i understand that though. it’s just more an interesting point for me to dwell on because it’s just thinking for thinking’s sake. i have inklings of why i think the way i do, but i have entirely too much perspective for it for it to be valid.

i think it’s time for a brain vacation. not a vacation from myself per se, but more along the lines of telling my brain to get a life. i don’t know what kind of guidelines to set up for this, or goals to achieve, but that’s what i need a break from. concrete forms, abstract forms, whatever. i think just sensing something and appreciating it for what it is more than taking it apart layer by layer by layer would do me good.

it’s time to let the imagination start running free and make some shit up.