look outside, and there is a dazzling blue, stetching across the sky as far as the eye can see. even with other artificial blues, even it’s psuedo-reflected glory upon water is nothing to match what stetches before me now, complimenting and contrasting everything else that is out past this pane of glass.

my own type of blue is waiting at the ready. it is chipped, dented, scratched, yet gleaming after rubbing some accumulated grime off of it. it awaits me, sitting at the door like a dog who knows it is time to go outside. ready, willing, and able.

i can’t believe how long vern has lasted me, but i can’t see any reason he would ever break. i think he’s ok with leaving the century rides to jules these days, as one century training summer was probably enough for him. the spirit is still there though, looking to conquer hills and scream down them with wild abandon. jump the curb, hit that pothole, run over that branch, it matters not, it isn’t the first time it’s happened.

all that matters is that ability to get out, to move, to go, to realize and fulfill. that something that feels so elusive until it’s gone. that something that is a part everything you can ever imagine. that something that is unnamed because it doesn’t need one. ponder it, dismiss it, grant it dichotomy that you can barely fathom.

be.

I kinda like the fact that summer is so ridiculously busy , that i don’t really come here that often. in fact, it feels kinda weird typing right now, since i haven’t really put together more than a couple of sentences together in awhile. but no matter, it’s not that difficult to get back on the bike again. i think i’m trying to avoid talking about my grandma to myself anyways, as she isn’t doing so great these days. i’m pretty sure i know how i feel about that anyways.

i wonder though, is this resignation or contentment? i’m not sure if i can tell the difference right now. but part of me doesn’t want to know, because if i did know, i’d have to do something about it. right now, i can handle not dealing with too much, and just handle it as it comes. there’s enough distraction everywhere to keep me plenty occupied.

i guess it’s pretty shallow, but it’s enough to get me by. i like being busy anyways, and i don’t think it’s costing my soul anything right now. i can’t be sure though, as i can’t really define the terms, nor feel a need to do so.

it’s just summertime manglin’, where introspection is put on hiatis. where heat, sunshine, and extended periods of sunlight are more than enough to keep you distracted, and happy.

i think i probably just haven’t gotten out of the school year cycle, and right now, i am on summer break.

man, resting really takes on a different feeling after doing something crazy like riding back to back century rides.

i feel super relaxed today, as well i should after riding the STP over the weekend. three years running now, with this year being difficult still, but not as bad as last year, and definatley not as bad as the year before.

who knows with distances getting easier and easier every year, i might still surprise myself some year and do the thing in a single day. that would be rad.

not much to write about, i think i just need to at least get something out every week or so to let my future self know that everything was allright during this particualr period of time. so when he circularly checks back on past times, there will be something there, besides the void.

but it’s so nice out, and i feel exhausted. too exhausted to write, really, with way too much going on at work to really want to focus on anything afterwards or before. i wonder if allergies can have that much effect on me. i don’t really have the watery eyes or clogged sinus much anymore, but my body still feels laden with weight, and my brain feels like it has to be slowly coaxed out of the rat hole it found in the basement to scurry into. only with the right kind of cheese can i get him to even pop his head out and maybe think about considering coming out of the dark.

because if i can get him out of the dark, into the light, then that would be something. i’d shake my brain’s pituitary gland and say “thanks for making it on this fine day” and would hand him the key to the city, along with a huge pair of novelty scissors to cut the ribbon in front of the multi-million dollar complex attributed to something very fuzzy, warm, nice, and generally helpful in the societal sense. we would tour this facility, brain and i, and we would point out all the exciting things that were going to happen in the future with this building. the lives altered forever for the better, dragging people who don’t know any better onto the path of the righteous and truth.

it would be a very fine day, and we would go for a stroll outside on the yard of this particular facility and marvel at the grand engineering that went into making the building look so modern, yet such a throw back at the very same time. with awe and wonder we would gaze upon that which we had a huge hand in creating, even though both of us really have no idea what it will ultimately end up doing, improving, or impacting. it just has a good feeling about it, with good people involved.

we’d laugh some about the grounds that seem so immaculate, and wrap up our tour by going to get a few beers and talking about the old times until the wee hours of the morning, and with an appropriate stretch and yawn, we would go our separate ways, to our respective beds, to sleep the deep sleep of alcohol stupor, and dream of nothing.