i’m still struggling about political ideology lately (because for some reason, it really bugs me) and i just had this simple thought while i was walking around today.

life isn’t fair.

and so it goes. there are lots of people who say life isn’t fair. but then there are other people who say it should be fair. and people who do think it’s fair. the meaning changes depending on how you define “fair”, but that could take hours to parse through, and it’s not really the point.

the point is that life could be fair. but how to get there? it seems impossible without some people getting the shaft, but that is part in striking that balance. and it would take so much work to achieve that fairness, but maybe it would reach a point of homeostasis and all would be well. or not. maybe too much homogeneity is bad thing.

but this is just idea talk. i think what frightens me about all this accepting of politcal ideology is the surrender of ideals. i tend to be pretty idealistic, and think that balances are struck throughout life, no matter what happens, and it ends up for the better one way or the other. there’s a lot of plasticity in thinking like this. with an ideology, i can just surrender to talking points that have been established over hundreds of years, argued out by people much smarter than i and accept these ideas because they strike me as most correct. there is some room to bend, but that plasticity i had before is severely limited. it doesn’t limit my ability to accept new ideas, or appreciate them, but now there’s a new filter of an ideology, which changes the way that information is processed.

really, it’s the way i do things now anyways, but i don’t have a set of rules like an ideology does. right now, i pretty much just start from the golden rule and go from there however i want. so accepting something like this is huge, in terms of who i want to be as a person. what side of my personality is the dominant one? which one do i want to give the reins to? sure, it rotates anyways, but making decisions like this entail sacrifice, because apparently, you can’t have it all.

i never was good at making decisions because i empathize with both sides of almost any argument. but what i don’t know is if my desire to empathize with everything is holding me back, or if it is my biggest asset.

i guess i can’t be sure until it’s gone, but by then, it might be too late.