let’s do something useful! strike one by coming here. this really isn’t useful for anything. my existentialism gets the best of me sometimes and i succumb to that bigger picture. it makes me feel serene, i wonder if that’s a good thing? shouldn’t i believe in the power of humanity? heck, why not. we might as well make a go of it.

i seem to hear alot of inadvertent existential talk where people discuss the big ideas like happiness and sorrow, and don’t even realize it. i don’t even realize it most of the time. i couldn’t even write down major ideas besides the fact that this universe is too big for anything to really matter. but it’s just too subjective.

but really, look at what’s going on right now in iowa. a preliminary race to see who gets to run for the president of the united states as sanctioned by a huge mix of large interest groups, the mainstream media, and the citizenry of our country. and i eat it all up, looking for the numbers of who’s ahead at the moment based on entry polls. mere numbers representing the opinion of people in iowa, where i have a vague notion that people indeed do live. i know no one in iowa, and yet i am part of this collective force to choose a leader (or two major candidates to vote between, and other ancillary third partiers). and it’s so very distracting.

which is why i focus on it. the indifference of random chance always staring you in the face beyond this state, beyond this country, beyond this earth. trillions of variables coming together to cause effects. at least i can see a system organized by humans here. at least i can have a pretty good comprehension of what’s going on here, questions with answers. i mean, there are people in vegas right now betting money on who’s going to win in iowa tonight. how human is that? i don’t know…is it human enough? what’s a boy to do?

everybody’s right, but there’s nuggets of wrong distributed through it, like chocolate chips in cookies. even a cookie is too small to embody everything though. i mean, i can look at a cookie and see it for everything it is. not so much with the universe. it mostly just is.

and then something happened.