a study on nothing.

i soar on gilded wings through this world. i look down, and i see everything. it’s all there, every single last thing. and it is overwhelming, from one viewpoint.

the scope is too large, too confusing. but look closer and find a universe in there, waiting to be dissected and eventually understood. because as trivial as it is, being understood is vital.

the focus is hazy, the quagmire is thick. when it comes into focus, it does so of its own accord and leaves you holding the ball.

it wants to understand why it is even there in the first place, explaining itself to someone like you, who could care less unless there is a direct, tangible effect.

something that can be grasped and wrung until a few drops of understanding drip out, giving you the slightest taste of something you never knew before.

put it on the registry of all five senses, see how it jives. fast and loose initially, then however you want to handle it after that.

i grip the gilded wings tighter, in an attempt to regain some control. they are of my fashion, my design, and that’s all i have to go on.

staying airborne is important, and that’s about all i know. i can see everything and know nothing, and all is well. understanding is superfluous, and everything else fits into that category.

tangible, yes, but still made of substances that can be deemed important or inconsequential by anyone, at anytime, with no frame of reference.

my gilded wings carry me. they carry me to places i think i want to go to.

i’m not sure until i get there. but i end up there nonetheless.

the wings i have made cut through life, violently. i wish i could have made them better, but i did the best with what i had. they work, and that’s all that really matters, collateral damage is inevitable.

impossible to leave without a trace, and yet eventually forgotten.

cursed with an ability for everything, and happiness abound.

it all lies in wait for me, reward beyond measure.

i cannot hold it anymore though, i never could in the first place. the illusion is so strong though, overwhelming.

i can do whatever i want. i can do it all, and come full circle to where i began. it holds me in check, automatically.

motion is erratic, clumsy, unplanned. despite always preparing for the worst.

i want for nothing and it wants me.

i have recently been reading the wu-tang manual, done by the RZA, and it’s been a fun and informative book to read. anyone with that kind of vision is going to have a good story to tell, no doubt.

the book is full of little insights to hip-hop and life in general, but there was one line that resonated, even though i kinda took it out of context. i don’t have the exact quote on me but it went something like “the truth is a magnet, it draws things towards it”. in a way he is totally right, but what immediately struck me is that this is a perfect metaphor for the truth, but he only covered the attraction qualities.

some materials can be influenced by magnets, others will remain unaffected. that’s a pretty obvious metaphor. if it has the same polarity as the magnets, then it will even be repulsed, and that’s where i think it hits a little deeper. this kind of repulsion/attraction is what brings balance to the truth, keeps it in check. without something to diametrically oppose the truth, there is no frame of reference, no way to know besides a straight judgement call.

at the opposite ends of any given truth can be the two extremes, with the two inextricably stuck together as one whole, like a magnet with a N/S pole, leaving the center of these two ideas to be the convergence area of the magnetic field. so there’s a black end, a white end, and a grey middle. see where i’m going with this? i think it may even be too simplisitic, but i always find it strangely coincidental that there are so many aspects of consciousness that run parallel with the natural universe.

of course i could be drawing conclusions i find convenient, seeing what i want to see. which i don’t really see as a fault anymore. for all extensive purposes, it feels impossible to avoid. but the meshing of a positive and a negative is what makes that grey area, that center where the truth is in the jumble, but impossible to pinpoint. you just know it’s there deep in that place where you don’t question anything because you know there is nothing to question in the end, it just is. a combination of what you know with what you feel, jumbled together to create a balance that is struck of it’s own accord.

i need more than 10 minutes to hammer this out, but that’s all i get. at least for now. the magnets will still be here when i get back. might even help me win at some video games.

turn your head to the left and think, look up to the right, and think. this is the traditional pose for thinking of something to think of. an automatic ritual to try and think of something to do, something to write. body language gives away so much, but i am blind to it. i never think of it, but it’s still rather interesting i suppose. just a muse.

my brains still a little scattered from the previous night of going to see iron maiden. it was epic for sure. i love hip hop to death, but you don’t mosh at a hip hop show. get rowdy yes, but not the real deal moshin’ with manglers. with fire, and fireworks, and crazy costumes and multileveled stages. these kind of things can only come with that big production rock show. anyone who goes to the white river amphitheater should be warned though. don’t expect to get out of there anytime soon after the show. talk about a clusterfuck of traffic. an hour and a half to just get out of all the crazy traffic and get to I-5. so worth it though. i even managed to catch bruce dickinson’s (maiden’s lead singer) beanie hat, in the middle of the mosh pit.

which was awesome.