hey hey, what’s the dealio?

slow down.

breathe.

there, isn’t that better? in times where everything feels wrong, it’s time to step back, look at it and breathe. sure the next couple of months are going to be hectic. sure there’s too much to do, all the time. i’ve been on this fast track for so long now that even relaxing is adding to the stress.

exhale.

i get to work straight wishing i didn’t have to go, wishing i could be out as soon as i can so i can rush off to the next thing to do. a pile of wedding, a pile of training, a pile of day to day activities. i have been doing everything without thinking about it, just thinking of what needs to be done next. i get caught up in it, and no wonder i feel so exhausted on the time. a combo of allergies, time restraints and general feel of apathy towards it all.

breathe.

apathy why? i’m mostly doing what i want, when i want to, with a few exceptions, but nothing to get bent out of shape over. but then my brain does it for me with out of control dreams, constant, baseless anxiety, and hair-trigger irritability. creating problems for myself so i constantly have something to deal with. at least in my head, anyways.

exhale.

i know what needs to be done, more actively than passively, and it is time. i am who i am, and i know in the back of my mind that these times exist for a reason, to get me back to thinking actively. get back in touch with who i am. not any of that who i want to be bullshit, but who i am, now. revel in it. because the person i want to be and the person i am now, are indeed, separate. but when you focus on the person you are, you eventually end up being the person you want to be anyways. because if you’re not being that person you’ll either end up blaming everyone but yourself, or blaming only yourself.

breathe.

and eventually, your standards have to change.

exhale.