so how long has it been?

almost a month? crazy.

where does the time go? it goes everywhere and nowhere, and my existential self doesn’t know what to do because regardless of everything going on around, the real world ends up catching up with the existential self. it’s only a matter of time.

it finds ways to exist, finds ways to adapt, finds ways to rationalize.

i think that’s the most important step. being able to rationalize yourself to yourself is quite an irrational feat, so rationalizing it may seem a bit far-fetched. but go with it. why not?

semi-colon;

i am unworthy of all of this, doomed to hate myself for that which i did not have to earn. part of something i can conceptualize, but never quite be a part of. be myself, be something beyond inherent understanding and a part of something wholly and unavoidably conceptual.

something beyond fucking flowery dialogue and maybe, just maybe a part of something for once, and fucking enjoy it. because for all the ennui i can force myself through, it could really be a whole lot different. i could have no idea what ennui was in the first place.

and where would that leave me?