It’s fitting that this is post #500. A milestone, of some proportions.

I had a little extra time at work today, so i went over a week of writing i did a couple of years ago. i banged out everything on my mind for a week, and i remember being pretty proud of it, as good writing and idea formation happens only occasionally here.

so i read it, and then proceeded to feel like i should just stop writing, forever. not because it was a breathtaking piece of literature, or because something profound hit me when i read it. actually, something profound did happen when i read it. all the stuff i’ve been throwing out here in the past couple of months is almost identical to what i was pining about 2 years ago.

forget your history and you’re doomed to repeat it, huh?

why am i still stuck on these same ideas of being human, of being conscious, and not really getting anywhere with it?
not enough new information? maybe.
not enough drive to find answers? maybe.
indifference? now we’re getting somewhere.

all of the questions i ask are so broad, that it’s not the answer finding so much, or looking to gain anything, it’s more just existential bitching and moaning. gotta get out those negative feelings somehow. but the joke is on me, as it were. i’m not going to stop writing, mostly because i enjoy it, even if i am repeating myself. like playing the violin, or dancing, or something i don’t do often enough, there’s pleasure in just the doing, no matter the substance.

and then i grew a little.