Monthly Archives: July 2009

hey you, you live in Seattle right now?

then you are probably roasting in your skin. i’ve heard values all over the map for various locals of how hot it was, but i’m reasonably sure we did get over 100 degrees today all over the Puget Sound.
all-consuming heat, it’s the only thing that can be thought about. i’m not suited for this type of weather, in the consistent manner it’s occurring. strangely, this has been messing with my head. things like lack of sleep, slight dehydration, and general fatigue let the mind run wild. me, myself, i feel like i’ve seen everyone getting a little on edge lately. but when i think back, i wonder if it was just me, feeling off-kilter and assuming that everyone is out to get me, in all this ridiculous heat. that makes me laugh a little, having time to reflect on a moment in my life, where i may have let my emotions run free, due to some applied stress. what can i say?
i literally went on a run at 5:30PM today around the business park i work at. it was probably damn near 100 in the shade, with it definitely that high in the sun. i pointed this out to the people i am running with now, but i feel i have to throw it into my journal here for the future. today, was the hottest day in Seattle history (so far!) and i went running on it. a credit to still being somewhat young.
so here i am, subjecting my body to stupid physical extremes, with my mind someway compensating in sympathy.
needless to say, terrible sleep is very prone to dream making, since you can’t hit that REM sleep that cycles every 40 minutes or so. you’re bound to wake up in the middle of some deep sleep pattern due to general heat discomfort in the night.
speaking of discomfort, i am suddenly not in the mood to write. a salute to the in-general-wrong vibe that has been bugging me all week. but hey, maybe i’ll come back! it’s very up and down around here lately. but definitely fun, nonetheless

i look ahead.

but before i do, i consider the definitions of “look” and “ahead”
in fact, i start considering the definitions in general. i look at a term and define it, with the greatest of ease. it just happens. things are defined in my universe, for better or worse. look at the definitions, they are all there, waiting to be defined, waiting for validation. and no matter what i define, i end up at the beginning again, a little wiser, with a little less time. back at square one, with a moment or two to define my situation.
i wish there was something definite here, something to define on my terms, but there can’t be, unless i make it so.
so i do.
and the life i live comes back, rushing at me, a million miles an hour. faster than i can define, because it happens in an instant. all of the sudden, i am travelling at that speed. life, the universe, and everything, travelling at a rate i define. something wondrous happened for me to deserve this, all of this.
so what else can i do? sing a little, dance a little, proclaim all that is glorious simply be being. somehow, it is all defined in this moment.
i look back, i look ahead.
then i check my definitions.

what a weird couple of weeks. i feel like it’s all been kinda building up to riding my bike to portland this weekend, but that’s just kinda been the focal point of “shit that’s gonna get done” list. it gets like this in the summer. one weekend to the next, gettin‘ shit done.

so reflect a little, as otherwise this time will just get filed under the “blur” folder that occupies much of my recall.

hmmmm, when i think about it here though, i’m kinda digging the blur. it’s a good time of year to just hang out and let the mind simmer for a bit, being summertime and all. kids get school off for the summer. now that i am a productive member of society, i get to work every week of the year, with the occasional week long vacation as reward.

so my summer’s a blur, what of it? i’m doing what i want pretty much when i want, and the weather is accommodating. it might be allergy medicine (a new addition to daily pill popping) but everything feels good. i’ve been hiking, to shows, with time to hang out in the sun. i get to take an extended weekend so i can ride my bike to portland over two days, with my brother, no less. for right now, i’m living the life i want, as was planned at some point earlier on, i’m guessing.

a life acceptable to myself and others. a life of luxury. yes!

ben! online proposition! non-craig-list-style! does that mean what i think it means? geting sidetracked!

watch Cowboy Bebop, and when the time is right post some form of “review” on the review tab. i’m gonna watch them all japanese with subtitles and post whenever my fancy strikes me, hopefully.
but the possibilities! tenchi! initial D! chobits! azumanga daioh! samurai champloo! actually, i insist on azumanga daioh, but other that that, anything! cowboy bebop first, of course, but then the sky’s the limit! exclamation point! yeah!
you know you want to!

so much going on!

c’mon ya’ll, get live get down, the supa-fly trio is in yo town. that would be true if i was lightheaded, and a supa-fly trio. but i only front. it takes way too much focus to be a supa-fly-trio….way too much. i can only handle so much. and yet….
we got so much soul, that it don’t get old, just better with time, move steady and slow.
and that’s how i roll, jump on it. whole house freeze!
sigh…i guess that is how i roll…but i got a smile on my face…happy?
do you love life, unconditionally?
yeah! why else leave it sitting on the back burner,but in an attempt to leave it in the background. i guess things happen with a push of things to the forefront, but at the same time no less important. just floating in the realm of exisitance…so unconditionally…could you love life?…unconditionally?
i suppose the fact that i can so unabashedly point in any dirction must point towards something in my personality. something that i can sit back and absorb…how else am i supposed to love unconditionally? the fact that my consciousness tells me that i can only love life in this way if i am that exception of musical consciousness that plays along with a tune i can play along with and whistle?
i think i agree, because i can go along with things so well now, seemlessly. i mean, it’s music, it’s almost impossible to disagree. if you just go along with it, there can be no dissonance, just moments of pronounced resonance.
that’s the idea anyways. find moments of key exchange…major to minor or vice versa within an eighth note, finding a major moment in a minor exchange….sorry about that one, but the idea is to find a harmony. which looks easy on the surface, but is an an amazing investment. amazing only in the fact that when you find that harmony, you find way more than you were looking for.
but breathe in, look around. conclusions drawn through a musical filter.
really, was there some other random moment of life you were looking for?
considering the complexity and the implications, it’s amazingly easy to love life unconditionally, if you want to do so.
crazy, huh?