but that’s just the one-liner to open some dialog of thought. some statement of intent, a scientific paper summation of some ideas hashed out. jesus, whatever, just spit it out, ditch the flowery language and cut to the chase.

it’s not a matter of dumbing it down, but a rearrangement of terms, of taking ideas you are familiar with and expressing them differently, where you have to be able to boil it down into something that actually makes sense when you try and explain it. put it into words, dummy. isn’t this the measure of a clever man? the ability to take ideas that are so central to life and putting them into words?

so there it is! this is why language is incomplete and feels like it can only express a fraction of what is actually felt. it’s there to be explored, to be expanded on. it’s not set in stone, it’s waiting to be discovered, waiting to be expressed.

luckily, real estate is cheap these days, in terms of raw idea expression. i’m typing free words into a free formatter, leading to a free website (thanks, ben.) where people are free to choose to read this and respond however they choose, as long as it doesn’t involve physically harming me. this corner of the internet isn’t checked very often, but it doesn’t mean i’m anonymous, just ignorable, congrats!

you think too much.

i was walking up to a bar a few nights ago to meet some friends, and a random black man on his way to do something threw up a pound which i returned. he smiled, shook his head and said “man, you too tight.” surprisingly, my natural reaction lined up with the one i feel like i would have dreamed up in an idealized situation. all i did to make myself so proud was to say super-earnestly “you are so right.”, then spend half a week reflecting on it.

go soak in your privileged white-boy pain, sucka. you deserve it. why? why not?

there’s this thin line in reality. having a sense of humor is a good start in blurring that line, but that’s only part of it. what difference does it make if you nail it down? it’ll be in the same area nailed or not. you too tight. caught, so caught! what else can i do?

i’ll tell you what! embrace your foibles, be what you know deep down what you are, an idealized version of yourself. that person exerting flawless control of oneself, building a mystery. so true Sarah, so true. ideas expressed lyrically…

sweet jesus enough, your words are failing you, THIRD PERSON RYAN.

go back to your corner, do something constructive, or just shut up.

fine! maybe I will! pbbbtttttttttttttt!