ahhh, ideas…what can I say? all I can think is what choice do you have but to accept their burden? understatement, sure.

There’s been alot of talk about global warming lately, with the whole Copenhagen summit hullabaloo. I heard one story talking about he cost of fixing things now though, and it made me realize just how screwed we are. Not irrevocably screwed, more of a high cost screwed. I mean, we’re already pushing our borrowing limits with wars and economic recovery we can’t afford. Now we need to spend more money to get our greenhouse gasses in line? It’s probably not going to be a priority for some time, especially when there are more immediate problems like losing your house or being unemployed for over a year.

so it gets pushed back let’s conservatively say a decade, and eventually, we start spending some money establishing carbon tax credits, whatever we decide is best to try and get this in line. While we were trying to get our ducks in a row though, places with enormous populations like China and India were going through industrial revolutions of their own, doing whatever it took to keep their growth engine running. by the time we get enough programs and money into place the vicious cycle will already be going, with everyone spending money trying to prevent something, while they’re already spending other massive amounts of money due to all the damage that are being done. Islands aren’t going to sink under all the ocean rising, it will be more insidious, with things like more hurricanes, longer cold and hot streaks, more frequent droughts and floods, shifting rain patterns, and an acidified ocean that can support only a fraction of the life it once did.

so we get in our holding pattern of damage control, like it’s always been. lots of habitat is ruined, lots of people die, and everyone adjusts in an effort to stay alive. we come out in the end, for better or worse, and continue living (that’s the idea, anyways), because at least we can point and state what we think that is like. the earth goes around the sun a few million more times and eventually gets sucked into the sun, unceremoniously destroyed as it was created, as that extreme outlier on the bell curve of the universe.

yeah, i went there. oh no you didn’t!

but hey, why worry? you’re alive now, aren’t you? do a little here, a little there, do what makes you feel good. i’d like to think i’m a dangerous type of person convinced that global warming is real, but not caring enough to even go write my congressman, but that’s a crock. there’s no dangerous here, only the idea of it we create. am i a problem? most definitely, but that’s impossible to avoid. it’s tough to care so fervently about something that doesn’t even care if you exist, especially when you are surrounded by so much that actually has the capacity to love you for whatever you are. i guess the earth is the medium, but we are the message.

whatever message that is.

ahh, the joy of living. the joy of being able to question what and who you are. the joy. it’s there, in everything. even the negative can be grabbed and twisted to show the joy it represents. one stems from the other, linked and bonded, just sitting there.

apparently, there is much to accomplish in this life. that’s what i hear from so many others. so sure, why not, i go out and accomplish a few things. i skate by on assumptions because they are widely held, and in some fashion, bought into by me. sometimes it feels like the right thing to do. sometimes it doesn’t. but what difference does it make if i feel it is better or worse in some fashion? some stuff happens, some stuff gets done, and i go along with it, trying to get my greasy fingers around the concept of myself and my role in this universe. i epitomize arbitrary and am loving it. i mean, isn’t it silly that one off-handed comment can ruin your day? or that a song can become a focal point of all the feelings you experience? that something as silly as crisp cold air can feel inspiring? how do you nail all this down?

i guess you don’t…that nailing it down would take alot away from it. it’s not that there is joy inherent in things that can’t change themselves, but joy in your ability to arbitrarily decide what joy is pulled from that unchanging object. again with the perception defining reality, defining self. here i am, ready to define. i like that.

i am very glad i ran that marathon. it’s basically the most spiritual part of my life, doing (what some people call) crazy endurance tests for my body. it punishes the body and makes it stronger, and frees the mind. i had and (still have) an overwhelming feeling of being able to do anything, of unbridled joy stemming from extreme elation and exhaustion, a pay off for all the miles i ran the previous months. there’s no way to describe it, it just makes me feel like i’m on good terms with my life, everything else be damned.

i can be who i want, when i want, and not have to justify it to anyone or anything, because it truly only matters to me. joy is inherent in all the choices of what i try and bring into my life, and i just have to pick it out.

so i guess i should just grab a bucket, head out to the u-pick patch, and fill it until it overflows.

daylight’s a wastin’.