Been awhile since i been here. Mostly because life is busy. That is code for “priorities change”. If i wanted to, I’d write here. Like I am now.

This week has been a big reminder of who i am, as an individual named Ryan. All in this life that i hold dear stems from what i have claimed as an individual, ideas i have come to terms with through my own (supposedly) free-will. Without outside influence though, i would only be left with myself, left with only a mirror to bounce ideas off of. I think we all know that only works up to a point. mental images of “Castaway” come to mind.

So (big shocker here) I went to a local hip hop show tonight. This one was definitely lower key though. it was at the crocodile, and we got there way too early, as usual. it was just Heather and I, but in between chatting, you could just sit back and watch the waves of people come to shore like the tide. more and more friends of friends kept showing up, hugging and slapping hands, sharing gestures of brotherly love. before you knew it, the place  was loaded with beautiful people. because in the end, this is beltown.

the show started, and the artists we saw were great. this was a showcase of the young and earnest, supported by friends and family. this is both sides coming together in a public forum, creating and supporting.  Heather and I are so old that we only made it until 11:30, and only half of the acts had gone up. We were at the front of the stage that entire time though, and really, we can get away with bailing early. You spend enough time out, and eventually, you have to pass the torch of staying out all night and getting hammered to the younger generation. again, “priorities change”.

but we were interlopers at this thing. gawkers, almost. 2/3 of the people there were family, friends, or significant others of friends. we did our best to blend in as we were there in support of our local hip-hop. really though, both acts were good enough to warrant genuine excitement, which made it easier. It still showed everything in stark contrast. this show was a friends and family show, one i have been to before for my own friends and family. looking from the outside-in, i can see the beauty in a way i would never have the awareness to see it from the inside-out.

Tonight was just the point though, there was lots of build-up to this. The whole societal social net showed itself in clearer terms than i had ever seen. it wan’t so much a slap in the face, more like a tweak on the nose with a “gotchoo!” for emphasis. I’m pretty sure it was because i was ready to see it. i couldn’t have been ready consciously, it was always gonna have to come from the sub.

it bubbled up and showed me that all i have in this life is my friends and family. the only reason i’m even close to being the person i want to be is because i want to be that person for them and myself.