I always wonder if the universe is trying to talk to me, or that I’m only hearing what I want to hear. I know in my heart what the answer to that one is as obviously the universe revolves around me. Why else would I think what I think and feel what I feel?

On some level, I’ve always thought I lived in a reality that is completely indifferent about me. I don’t think that’s true anymore though. It’s easy to forget that I have control over my perception of this reality. I know I’ve thought this before, but this time it’s different (ha ha). I always get lost in the weeds trying to decipher what other people are projecting, or how I want to project myself for optimum awesomeness, or some other form of How to Win Friends and Influence People. My soul just feels like it’s done with it. Finally my mind and body have settled down/been damaged enough to let go a little.  At moments like these, I can glimpse beyond the void and feel the warmth it generates, the feeling that everything is truly going to be OK.

It can get real schmatlzy after this, with all that lucky-to-be-alive and blessed-with-everything-you-have cliches, but it is still a feeling that is undeniable and of perceived truth. On a deeper level, it’s a feeling of peace and acceptance. It’s not that nothing matters, it’s the realization that any expectation I hold fast to is probably going to end up unmet, leading to completely unnecessary anxiety applied to everything that matters.

I know there’s no easy road here, but getting all up-in-arms because that road didn’t go the way you expected it to is ridiculous. There is not going to be an ideal path, just the one that you are on. In that sense, you can be on the ideal path anytime you want to be.

You can be the master of your reality, and mangle how you like to.