I really should have ported over long ago. Something as self-driven as this blog is a project I should have at least some pseudo-control over. Not that trusting it to some great public-cloud is much better.

This has completely sidetracked me though, I had some great thing to write about that has slipped for now. Let’s give it a second.

Let’s start at this: I made a decision yesterday. I know, I know, good for you. Way to be a functioning human being. But for me in mind and spirit, it was a momentous step. I decided to cut the green dragon out of my life. I know it won’t be forever, but it will be for now.  I was just done, there’s not really a huge story behind it. A little story of course, but I’ll get there in due time.

I had already been phasing it out, but it would swing through with a vengeance when it did, and I already have enough demons I can’t control in my life. Something I can point to and banish is a pretty easy call to make with all the other intangibles floating around. I still sit back and think how stupid it is, everything I hope to control. The heart of that statement is a lie though, I don’t hope to control anything. Every struggle for control I see ends up at some cost that wasn’t planned on, and unintended consequences/responsibilities. It keeps things interesting in the short term, but that dries up so quick. At the same time, I do see a struggle worth going all-out for, so it really boils down to what you subjectively think is worth it. And that makes this exercise here seem immensely silly, and that wouldn’t be too far off the mark.

I can take just about everything I think, everything I feel, everything I create and measure it against some subjective, made-up ruler that holds all the importance. I look at this world of ideas and it makes me think that there is no such thing as objectivity, at least not in the world of ideas. Truth outside of my myself really feels like a stretch, unless it’s on the level of what a proper pint is. There’s some objective reality I can get behind. Whether my ideas of me as a self have any validity? That seems impossible.

All I feel I can do is look at this world and reality I have created, and look at what’s important to me. That which is important to me, is infinitely important to me. The rest is background noise, but can show me things I hadn’t considered before, so it’s a valuable thing to have around.Everything outside of that seems so tangible. I can stare out to the horizon over an ocean or from a mountaintop and have a good idea of how far out it really goes. I can look into the cosmos and have at least a general ideas of how far out those stars are.

I can gaze inward though, and see the void stretching out before me, infinite. I make promises to this expanse expecting something in return. What’s maddening is that it provides in response to what I dump in, which makes objectivity reality sound really stupid.