It really took more than a couple password guesses to get here. It fills me with melancholy. I never really looked at this site as a crutch, but I’m not really surprised that it is in retrospect. Always here when I need it, but quickly forgotten.

Just in reading my last post, there’s already so much memory loss. Not in the specifics, but in the generalities. It’s an automatic defense mechanism, as far as I can tell. Why else would I be able to look back with total clarity of details without any clarity of experience?

On the surface, all I can say is that my mind is trying to protect me from something. If I delve down, the obvious answer is itself, which is so cliche that it makes me feel sick to write it. Which may or may not be the stem of the nausea. I’m trying to hammer it out here, duh.

Now that our place is open though, everything seems to be falling into place. We have found our little corner of Idaho and everything seems to be going swimmingly. It was months of anxiety, but it has all washed away now that the doors are open. Hopefully that’s not a feeling I forget.