whoopty whoop

i have one more test tomrrow….so unmotivated this quarter….so terribly unmotivated….

but for the unmotivation, i got nothing else on my mind but the fact that i’m just stalling, and that i need to study organic chem.

makes for uninteresting blogs. don’t worry though, i’m sure i’ll be gettign belligerent afterwards, and this weekend, what with my friend blake coming up this weekend. i imagine it’ll be alot of cartoons, and god how good that sounds…

8:15, 15 minutes behind schedule….

man, this is kinda nice, i’m the only one left with his computer out in the living room, i don’t know, i guess i prefer be able to watch tv while goofing off more than being able to masterbate to video porn…

i wonder what happened to my priorities?

oh well, it gives my inmagination a work out i suppose.

it’s funny how i either come here after drinking all night, or when i want to avoid school. i guess otherwise i would be doing something else ….something consequential i bet.

does it matter what i believe in?

no

it only matters to me

but tonight, i wanted it to extend to others……this is very celf centeerd, probably because i am self centered

and it was stupid of me to thin kthat i could change others, but the fact that there was so much stupidity exisisting, it made it hard to believe that any form of rational. thought could exsist, since others seeems to have no comprehension of what “rational thought” is.

rationality seems to mean the bitter remains of a botched descision to me…some desicion that is made because it is easier to make a general desicion than a specific one. if you got specific you would have to start defining what you meant, what you intended to mean, and why you should be interpreted to mean thae things you want to precieve.

since they are things that I want to precieve in the end, i guess eveyone incluindg myself is just in a big game where everyine fools each other.

but I try to tell me, and i try to tell others, that it doesn’t matter one way or the other, as long as you’re not contradicting yourself.

how can you make a point if you’re going to totally oppose it 10 minutes later?

is it possible to prove a point when ideas can change as quickly as you want them too?

does it matter? it shouldn’t and yet it’s not the same

screw life.

(it’s never an excuse out of your justifications though)

………………….EVER.

i swear that ben and i should have a combined blogging page or something. i mean, we spend enough time referring to each other, might as well conglomerate.

we’re pretty much saying the same things anyways, i think if we combined our powers, we could go voltron style and get bliznoggity on everyone’s ass.

i wonder how bricks get laid….do they go to a brickhouse and get dressed up in flashy mortar….god please shoot me. SHOOT ME NOW. i have these days, days where i don’t want to deal with people. people i know anyways. it’s easy to talk to strangers, they don’t expect anything of you besides general decency. it’s all these people that expect something of me that bugs me. the fact that i can’t even directly say if they expect something from me. i have to assume that i am expected of something. so just to be safe i do things that are expected of ryan, because in the end, it is easier. it’s annoying because i don’t want anyone to expect anything of me, because i know i’ll end up letting them down, or not meeting the bar, because more often than not, i don’t care. i don’t care about these things, but lots of other people do.

so bitter…why are all my blogs so bitter these days. what happened to my tolerance for others? i used to be patient and tolerant, and now, most often it’s just thinly disguised apathy. i don’t feel superior to others, nor inferior, it’s just like a i found a little niche to crawl into, and it suits me. sometimes people say things that are contrary to the way i would do or think about things. this leads me to not care because it’s their deal, and even though i don’t necesarilly agree with them, it doesn’t mean i’m right. then at other times people will come up to me and start talking about something i may agree with. more often than not though, their just praising how great the idea or method is, and not actually talking or analyizing it. if i agree, is it necesary to keep talking?

both of these are just non-communication, and of course i indulge of both of these, but i can only take so much. too much noise can be overwhelming….and annoying.

but again, the bitterness, i don’t have any reason to, it just happens. could be the books i read…

man, i haven’t blogged in a long time, i was going to last night and then i did, and then it got consumed by the blog monster. needless to say i was pissed and defeated, pitted up against a monster that i have no way of fighting…damn you blog monster…i can’t even remember the exact things i may have said, but it was probably irrelevant to most, relevant to a few (funny how that works). plus, ben’s page has been down for what seems like half a week or so, frustrating me further. again, the defenslessness….

but shit, there’s been alot of going’s on around here. the cali trip was rad, if not packed with stuff to do, loads of driving, and money flying out the window, but it was definatly an awesome experience. damn spring break is only a week though. i mean, our summer is like 3 weeks longer than everyone elses, and our winter break is about 3 weeks long, why the hell do they only have a one week break after the shortest and hardest quarter of the school year? bass ackwards this school is. i just left school and already i’m back to spending at least 6 hours at school a day with at least 2 hours of reading/homework to do. i’ve already got tests next week. jebus h., merry, and joe-seph (hee hee, look as i unmercifully poke fun at their names, i’m so clever) screw school, i’m here at school now, prepping for labs i have to do tomrrow, then i’ll read so i’ll be ready for a couple days from now, then i’ll do problems so i’m ready for next week. and the beat goes on…..

ok, for those of you who read this that are not in bellingham (basically just ben) here are some other rather large updates:

1. I cut my hair back down to it’s “crazy sticking in random directions” motif

2. I injured my ankle fairly badly (not terribly, but enough to have to crutch for a couple of days, and do some physical therapy for the next month), and am yet agian rehabilitating something in the lower half of my body.

i cut my hair on a spur of the moment kind of thing because i had been building up to it. i kept wanting to cut my hair, but then laziness and the fact that i’d spent almost a year growing it out kept deterring me. so on one of those contemplative sunday mornings (hangover and sudden sobriety induced, of course) and i realized that if i was gonna get rid of my hair, i had to do it right then. pretty much ruin it, by trying to cut it myself. this succeeded very well, because i butchered my head (although it did look rad with a mini-mullet in the back) and it pushed me to go riding to have it re-done by the greatest professional that super cuts had to offer, and as usual they didn’t dissappoint.

i found out that i’m not cut out for long hair unfortunatly (oooh, rad pun). i’m sure i looked fine (not like it terribly mattered to me) but man it got annoying. when your hair is long, you really notice all the strands that fall out of your head. i mean i’m sure i lose hair now, but it’s small and they float away like gentle wisps on the wind. long hair falls in your lap, on your keyboard, it gets everywhere. so i guess the annoyance factor finally outweighed the suave, stylish factor (in other words, the lazy factor). also the fact that it rebelled against me and whipped me in the eye put me on bad terms with it though.

so i hurt myself…again….basically, i can kiss extreme sports good bye. i can go snowboarding, but i can’t be jumping around. I can bike, but not street BMX. hell, i can’t even run without my knee feeling like shit for a couple weeks afterwards. i finally work myself up from a video game playing, dorito munching, 12 pack of coke a day drinking, lard ass to the stunning testament of masculinity i am today. i enjoy this for about a year, and then it gets taken away.

i could be bitter, but then again, it seems pretty futile. i just need some nanomachines that i could spray on my knee and ankle, and then those would go to work, splicing genes, activating proteins, and just rebuilding my knee and ankle from the inside. i mean, your body puts itself into positions that are pretty much a dead end. why the hell shouldn’t your body be able to make a limited repair of your tendons and cartilidge? hmmm, maybe it does though and i am just ignorant to the fact, but i remember that if cartilidge tears, that’s it, it’s torn for good. dammit, why couldn’t i have broken a bone or something.

whine, whine, whine….

well, ok that phase is passed, it’s kinda entertaining to read yourself whining, much more satisfying than just yelling about it, because i don’t remember half the things i yell most of the time, but now i got it in hard copy. that may or may not be a good thing.

i read ben’s idea of going to malls and dressing up as apostles, and frankly, this is one of the most genius ideas i have ever heard. i may be biased (because i tend to be a large proponent of ben’s ideas) but offering salvation and teaching kids the true meaning of christmas would be a pretty large joke. and if ben got in trouble for impersonating jesus? i would call that a badge of honor right there.

anything else up in my head right now that’s dying to get out? oh yeah, video games are awesome. this year just flung me headlong back into playing role-playing games again. i haven’t had one for a couple of days, and it’s driving me nuts. it’s like a movie/book. you play/read for a bit, then put it down and you can come back later and resume it. other games are fun, but i’m in it for the role-playing. i kinda connect it to the discovery of anime (or as i call them now, “cartoons”. it just makes things easier when talking to others) because they’re basically the same thing. i mean, it’s all japanese in the end.

so yeah, it’s almost 2, and i told myself i’d finish some stuff before 4:30 rolls around, and this could take some hours, so back to the grind, thank you for your time, tune in sometime later for more of ryan’s adventures of the inane nature!

Please Believe!

I Care/Don’t Care (about anything) Because:

1.It’s Fashionable

2. It Makes Me Feel Independant

(one and two may not seem conncected at first, then just look at the irony)

3. It Allowed me to Finally Discover “Myself”

4. (Most Sarcastic Tone) Since I am a Me, What I Percieve Must Define Myself

(more irony)

5.It is What I Was Taught to Believe.

6. It is What I Want To Believe

(more irony)…and most improtant….

7. I Want To Make Things Easy on Myself

i care because i want to, thus, others should care as well. since i believe i understand, so should everyone else.since i am at a different level, i am enlightened.I can trust my senses to filter the bullshit out. I can trust myself so much to claim that others are wrong. since others are wrong, i must save them from themselves. I Am Not A Hypocrite (IRONY)

i want a shirt that says “Save Me From Myself”. at least then i could understand why anyone would want to change anything about me, since i was requesting it.

jaded….i’m not happy but i am, i’m not bitter, but i am. even if i am vauge, it’s not like it matters (to me or anyone else)

since i am alive, i am hypocritical (no avoiding it, i suppose)

i can’t keep this from sounding concieted, maybe there’s a reason for that.

man, it’s too bad this break is already almost over, i gotta go back to school already? dammit…

so i think we’re leaving tomrrow morning (we just could not fit in all this extra driving and money that would have to be spent before school starts) and then we’ll have at least a couple nights of goofing off. i’m kinda looking forward to sleeping in a bed again, and waking up and just playing video games all day until school starts…sweet video games, my savior.

good lord it’s been fun here though, we have done some serious mangling, it has been sunny and beautiful, and i get to hang around and goof off with my friends, without having to worry about school.

last night was rad though, we drank shitloads of dollar wells, which were a steral considering how drunk we all got.i was talking to john’s roomate and he was talking about how he was taking this 6 month intensive course on becoming a brewmaster. at first i was kinda skeptical about it (it kinda rang of “gun smithing” to me) but i ended up having a great conversation, that was very intriguing. i mean, all of the stuff we talked about was just microbiology stuff. enzymes, activation energies, competing reactions, degradation, steric hinderance, all this jargon stuff. it’s seriously got me thinking, i mean i love all this microbiology stuff, but where to apply it? why not beer? once i get this molecular biology degree, i’ll have all sorts of knowledge for this course, and provided i can get money for it, i would be set as a brewmaster afterwards. how fucking pimp would that be?

allright, going out to eat, i’ll probably have a trip documentary once we get back, it’s been manglin.

ok, so i sit here sipping a rum and coke, at 8 pm. my friends are asleep on the bed that is near the computer i am typing this on. what a lazy trip this is awesome. tomrrow we go to reno with suits, i know it’s gonna be awesome. then some tuesday night jungle at a pub, then great adventure and another party before this week is over. sure beats the hell out of school.

the highlight of today was me eating the absolute largest missionary style burrito. what a funny way to describe a burrito. but yeah, this thing was at least 3 and a half pounds due to the before and after weights of myself. but the ruination was supreme. like 3 taco del mar super burritos in a matter of a half hour. it was rad.

allright, it’s time to get back to eating (i know i won’t) but i WILL get drunk, that you can be assured of.

i’m kinda jealous of ben right now, his blogs make no sense and they’re all very acohol inspired. i bet he’s having fun.

oh, by the way, i was just thinking for a second, and i realized that my blog page is literary genius.

this is what i think, so there’s no need to take this seriously.

people who know me know what i’m talking about. props to the modern day geniuses. whoever that may be.

i guess it’s whoever claims it. i certainly don’t.

this page may be genius, but i certainly am not. damn these words and all their double meanings.

SO inadequate.