ok so that last one was a pretty bad joke, i need to pour my brain out anyways, its getting loaded with all these double negatives and double negatives won’t not do in our society. so if you can’t do no typin’ then you better not do no crap, so then you’re apt to not sound like no fool. but a fool i shall be anyways so why fight it?
rad rad raqd, i’m still thinking of something rad, so i was thinking that i should just write some story off the top of my head again, but perhaps instead of just crazy gibberish i should give it some meaning, form and shape. bu damn, that’s a whole lot of work. its easy to be random. you just turn off that little coherency thing (mine is a small green button on the inside of my head, that flashes sporadically and is labled with the label “concious thought”). but besides if i was going to let my subconcious really go, i’d probably just reaffirm the fact that i am actually crazy. not in any conventional means of course, just crazy enough to be dangerous, to myself mostly i suppose.
but here i prattle on, when all of you want to be entertained. so let me jump up, do a little dance, hit my head on the wall a few times and throw out whatever the hell’s in my head, and perhaps try to do it coherentlty.
The Story Of Rad.
By Ryan Driscoll (©, all rights reserved)
In the beginning there was that of a small idea, the one that everyone knew was around, but had no idea how to express it in any shape or form. What these people did not know was that their lives were about to berevolutionized and changed for the better, mayhaps the worst. The point is, that they had no idea that it was coming. When you can’t see things coming, you tend to ignore them, but this really wasn’t the case with that of rad. Because when a 140 meter robot witht he letters RAD emblazioned in flashing neon comes to town, you’re gonna notice it.
A creation of some alien from some planet that no one cares about, is fed up with its standard of living. They really really really want copper, which is a delicacy on their land. the reason they want it is, of course because they can’t have it. the evil lord of the realm has hoarded all the copper for himself (as any good ruler would do) and he basically sits up in a 139 meter tower all day and laughs at his fellow suboridantes. he sits there all day and wonders why people are unattracted to him, becasue he does havge all the copper, and seeing as the alpha male always has control of the resources, all the females should be lining up to get at the tentacle that comes out of his forehead. i mean, what alien chick wouldn’t? especially with all that copper he has in the tower. the fact that his alpha maleness wasn’t shining was that he had labled his tower wrong, so instead of lining up at the front door, all the fly alien babes were lined up around the back (they figured his highness would be more interested in back door action anyways).
so in an effort to get the babes where he was, he stared tying copper to a piece of string and started trolling the streets below for them. but since they were all lined up around the back, and didn’t really notice that he was flinging copper around the back, all of them stayed there and waited patiently for their turn. so the king was highly dissappointed with the fact that there were no beautiful babies to be caught. he kept pulling up undesireables such as aliens with a 4th tentacle, or with an extra eye in their left nipple (omigawd! gross!) and so he became displeased. a character trait of any person in power when they become displeaesed is to flex their muscles and show people who’s really in charge and lay the smack down with the power they know they have. of course this tiem around, the people got kinda fed up when he started jacking his tentacle off fromt he top of his tower, howling at the people below and spinnign in circles screaming (to the tune of “mary had a little lamb”)
oooh ah ooooh ah
oooooooh oooooooh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
oooooooh oooooooooh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
OOOOOOOOOOOOOH OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
then a dude at the bottom looked up at this guy and was suddenly inspired. he picked up a rock and threw it at him while the king was in mid spin, and he hit him on the side of the head. everyone cheered because they had never thought of this by themselves. so the dude who threw the rock becamea hero and they all gathered around him to gape and stare. he didn’t like the way they gaped and stared though, so he started throwing rocks at them. everyone screamed and was frightened and they suddenly feared this man dude had taken a power that was wielded against evil, and turned it against them. they hadn’t really counted on that. they just kinda assumed that weapons were always supposed to be used against evil, and they never really considered that evil was an arbitrary term. they just figured that the only thing that was evil was that dude who had all their copper.
so the guy who figured out how to throw rocks became king, and anyone who stepped out of line got rocks thrown at them, to which they very feverently stepped back in line. so this guy thought he had it pretty sweet until he got a rock thrown at him. it wasn’t one of his of his followers though. it was from an entity called “god” who threw a rock that was a couple miles across and travelled at tens of thousands of miles an hour.so that rock smashed into their planet and pretty much wiped it out.
before that happeend though, one of the guys who was out and living a secluded life had finished his 140 meter robot because he was still uinder teh impression that the ruler that had hoarded the copper was still doing his damn dance, and decided that he had had enough and was goign to build a robot that was gooing to knock over that tower. so he was going to build it just as big, but just to be safe, he added on another meter just to show that he was bigger than that stupid tower anyways. with nothign to prove except that he was angry, he was gonna smash until there was no smashing to be done. smashed until there were pieces that could be smashed no more, so he would have no smashign left to do.
and so he climbed in his robot ( this took a couple hours because his ladder was only 90 meters) and once he settled himself behind the console, he started the primer pump and started kicking the ground with his hand (kicking with hands?, yes its possible!)and as the huge thing slowly rumbled to life the big LCD screen in the middle of it lit up a flourecent green. flourecent green was cool in this guys bok, becaue it hadn’t offended him like those other colors did. and on that screen was the word….you guessed it…R.A.D, which was an acronym for “reasons against diplomacy”, or “random action disorder”, or “real amature dog-fart-sluts”, or whatever the hell you want to call it, it doesn’t really have any signifigance yet.
anyways, he felt how soft his nose was, and right as he took off, the giant c-rock from god hit the planet and pretty much incinerated it, which was gods intention, cause he needed something to light up that giant c-rock so he could take a few hits and keep on creatin’.
so the force pushed him at tens of thousands of miles an hour towards another rock in the universe that we put so much stock in, the moon. which inadvertantly rotates around our earth, which is a more important i suppose. he hti the moon after a couple of light years and chilled there for a bit. he didn’t really have much else to do until he could get his rad to the other side of the moon, where there was actually light and shit, so he could charge up his battereies. they weren’t solar powered though, they were powered by the slut dfarm he had in the basement of his robot. but the sluts wouldn’t grow without light. so i guess in a sense, you could say the thing was solar powered, but for the purpose of that i feel like it, lets just call this thing the slut powered rad.
anyways, he managed to go through some advenures to get his alien slut farm to the other side of the moon where there was light, and he promptly converted all of his sluts and threw them back in the robot where they pedaled bicycles to 80’s music. and witht hat power, he was able to fall off of the moon towards the earth where he slammed into a mountain somewhere in china. luckily, he had a slut on top of him at the time so he smashed her against the wall instead of himself, so he wasn’t killed by the impact. he threw the slut in the STD (slut decomissioning) and started checking out the place. it wasn’t too different from his palce back home, but the inhabitants would have to go. since he thought he was the shit with his 140 meter robot, so he started stepping on things. they got stepped on, and there wasn’t a damn thing they could do about. except for shooting at it with guns and other weapons, but that didn’t really do much to rad.
so he owned them all, and they in turn loved it.
Author’s Note: This is probably the worstest story ever written, and anyone who actually took the time to go through it all in hopes that there was something funny, or redeeming, look no further, you found it. too bad this ain’t either of those. oh and you probably wasted some tiem of your life that can’t be reclaimed reading this, but don’t worry, i probably spent 5 times as much time writing this slop. So the moral is, if you’re not inspired by radness, don’t try and force it, cause you end up with crap like this.
Man, i just realized what an abuse of concious thought that story was, i’m sorry
Undiluted Stupid 