hahahaha….

school pwns says:

i wanted to make a movie about your knees

school pwns says:

the story goes like this

school pwns says:

enter snowboarder…flying down the mtn. (pause) look at trees, look at ski slope, look back at trees, start cutting through

school pwns says:

wham hit the tree

school pwns says:

and flash…into the drama

school pwns says:

the one knee begins its withdrawal from the other

school pwns says:

getting tired of carrying all the burden

school pwns says:

so the other knee feels bad and tries to go get fixed

school pwns says:

the surgery occurs and the fixed knee has to recover

school pwns says:

but the other knee is getting impatient and has to carry the burden for the entire time the other knee cant function

school pwns says:

so after long recovery, the knees begin to love each other again

school pwns says:

but then the fixed knee gets sick with blood problems

school pwns says:

and the other knee goes back into rejection

school pwns says:

and i dont know where the story goes from there

i’ll edit this as it becomes more complete, its just rad, mike ownz my knees

ok, so the last few days have been fairly interesting, in fact the time has been almost surreal.

hospitals are just surreal places

so anyways, on thursday i called my doctor to check in with him and also to let him know that my calf had been swelling up recently. all of the sudden, i’ve got a date with an ultrasound machine a half hour later. i get there, they take it, and they tell me i’ve got a large blood clot that has been in my thigh. i’m guessing it had been there for awhile, because i had been having the same pain, along with some shortness of breath and other symptoms for awhile now. i just had no idea that anything was wrong with me. so since halloween night, i’ve been sitting in a hospital room having nothing to do but read, watch tv, and study ( i did a whole lot of all three). alot of time was spent talkign to people who were visiting me as well, i suppose, but man….its been like 4 days, and it seems like it was just non-time. first off, i couldn’t get out of bed until saturday. so i was stuck there, peeing in a bottle for two days. next, i was roomed with a 72 year old man who was basically just cantankerous. he had an infected gallbladder, but it wasn’t really that serious. he was allright during the day, but his nice side was pretty much skin deep. he went to bed at 7. i went to bed at 2. this didn’t really work out too well for him, and finally on sunday night he decided to do something about it by complaining to the nurse. either i was too intimidating, or unapproachable, but he couldn’t ask me to do things like turn off the TV. he had to ask the nurse this. so the nurse offered to move me, and i jumped at that chance, i just wished i had gotten offered it sooner. it was hilarious to me, because he harbored it for like 3 nights, and finally he snapped, but not at me, at the nurse. jesus….old people need to pull their heads out of their ass. or die. one or the other.

but yeah, i basically had to just sit there, in bed, with an IV in me that pushed blood thinning drugs through me, to get rid of the clot. so its pretty much gone now, but to make sure its eradicated, i have to take coumadin (rat poison….no really, this is the stuff they kill rats with, the stuff that kills them because it thins their blood so much that eventually they’ll have internal hemmorages, cause they eat too much). i have to take this shit for the next 4 to 6 months. and basically, this means i can’t do drugs anymore. only in “moderation” i suppose. what the hell’s the point of drinking if you can’t get sloppy ass drunk? its probably for teh best i suppose. i’m gonna miss drinking and getting ruined on the weekends though. oh well… que cera, cera. 6 months is a really long time though. i’m gonna be a light weight with drinkign though, so that’s gonna save me some cash.

but shit man, what an ordeal, i got all this school shit to do int he next few days now, and i gotta sit around for another week. good god, if this leg causes me anymore trouble, its just gonna have to bring death, cause its exhausting its limits of ways that it can affect me.

thank god i’m out of there though, they were taking my blood every morning at 5 am, checing all my vital signs every 8 hours, i would wake up every hour and a half or so because i would crimp my IV, so it would set off the alarm….and god, when all you do is sit around all day, it makes it really hard to go to sleep at night, especially when you’re used to doing school all day, doing some exercise, more school, and drinking some. when all of those go, so does your ability to sleep like a log. and when youre roomate snores louder than you can manage to turn up your earphones, its not so hot. of course, being waited on hand and foot is allright, wish i could have gotten better pain mediction though…that would have been nice.

again, touching on the old people subject….i never really hated them until now. i suppose i don’t hate them still because its not worth it to hate them, but damn, this is what makes america as conservative as it is. these old people, instead of realizing that they don’t have much time left on earth, and should really relax and just deal with things, decide to get bitter at the world. if you want to imagine a world with too much time on their hands, just look at the elderly, and you’ll get a pretty good vision of what the world could be like.

*shudders*

but in the end, the nurses were really nice, and the food was worse than all the worst food i’ve ever gotten on airplanes and elementary schools combined. seriously, my cheese omlette the first day i got there for breakfast was a dry sponge with nacho cheese on it, and i’m harldy exaggerating. i came out ok, i’m fine, and now i’m back to the real world. man, it feels great to be back.

({)and all my friends are awesome.(})

ok, i know i don’t post many things out of books on here, in fact i haven’t posted anything, but i read this and was just on the floor laughing. i actually dropped the book and had to steady myself when i was riding the exercise bike. i know ben will especially enjoy this.

From Kurt Vonnegut’s “Breakfast of Champions”

“The prostitutes worked for a pimp now. He was splendid and cruel. He was god to them. He took their free will away from them, which was perfectly all right. They didn’t want it anyway. It was as though they had surrendered themselves to Jesus, for instance, so they could live unselfishly and trustingly – except that they had surrendered to a pimp instead.”

is this working?

when the cream is curdled, the lambs look on

how far to the gant roller?

quick, somebody fetch me a cranium, i think mine fell of the edge of that bus stop over there.

And

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About

(in the voice of a fieldhand who has to work for the man) time keeps creepin’, creepin for my soul, my poor soul, why did you go? Old man death waits blindly for me, and he brings the lamb of god with hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim.

i kinda like this whole just writing for stupidity’s sake. its not like i have any ideas to express anyways. i want to do soemthing called writing a book. and fill it with all sorts of symbolisim that i won’t intend at all, so that people caqn pull extra meaning out of this “book” and then i could sit back and laugh and leave a note that they couldn’t open until 30 years after my loast book was published that would read:

“Dear Jackasses:

all of you who think my books have some hidden meaning should know….THEY HAVE NO MEANING. i just wrote down crap that you didn’t understand so you would mistake it for some kind of genius. let me tell you, i am a genius, but i find it an insult to it that many of you think i do. and don’t be thinking there’s any literary meanign to this letter either. NO HIDDEN MEANING. i am just telling all of you that you are jackasses and you can all go to hell.

Your Daddy,

Ryan “Screwin your momma in the ear” Driscoll”

i wish desperatly i could write a book good enough to get me recognition as a distinguished artist and then aafter a good time after my death, i could let everyone know that they’re fools to look for meaning where there is none. and then they could sit around and justify it to themselves that there is meaning in everything, so why not my book, even though i said it was meaningless? because the fact that its meaningless mean that it has meaning, otherwise it couldn’t exsist. it would be the conundrum of the century, and it would all be started by my belligerence. its really my secret wish that “the tropic of capricorn” was meant to be like that. i read that sometime last year, and i thought it was rad. it would go from coherency to just straight up symbollic craziness, but it was done very very well. but it would just be great if henery miller was just like “you fools, hahahahahaha, my books mean nothing! you are all crazy, not me! bahahaha” it would be rad.

man, i really need to start playing a musical instrument again or something, cause all my creativity now is pouring out into bitter writing. it should be pouring out into bitter music.

hahahaha, i was looking at all these “butterscotch-type-caramel-tasting-yellow-colored” candies i’ve been slowly eating over the past week or so, and all around the edges of the wrapper, in small white writing, it says:

“made in colombia”

i wonder how long i’ve been eating colombian candy? or maybe its just a fluke at the supermarket and i’m eating colombian candy for the first time. or maybe its not really colombian candy, but just some random candy that happens to be made in colombia because its less expensive to produce there. or maybe i’m just hoping taht all these little candies are laced with cocaine, which would account for their addictiveness. either way, i’m going till they’re all gone.

jesus, what the hell was i doing in my lasy blog, i don’t even remember posting any shit like that. i suppose it was late and i was most definatly faded though…ah well, i guess i have too much fun. man what the fuck do i want to wite about, i got an itch to write something, but i want it to be meaningful or something, not just some rehash of things that have already happened. i was in a strange mood last week though, and it comes and goes i suppose , wher ei just lose every shred of paitience i think i have and i just want to dissappear somewhere until i feel like crawling out again. cause no doubt i like to socialize and hang around, but sometimes it gets to be too much. i mean, i have always been anti social, but it seems like it has just gotten worse since i turned 21. i guess i’m just more disillusioned than i used to be.

its like back in the day, like probably 2 years ago or something, i wondered what it would be like to grow up and what it would be like to be out on my own and shit. and of course since i wasn’t living it, i was romanticizing it.

bitter sidenote: while i’m on this topic, fuck romanticizing. everything you’ve ever wished for is built up in your head. i don’t understand why people can be let down time and time again by things not stacking up against the ideas and visions they’ve created for themselves. its not that you shouldn’t dream, or envision things the way you want them to be, but people feel let down by it. jesus, if everything went the way that i planned it, i’d get pretty damn bored. damn, what kind of life would i lead if everything that i built up did come out to be true? with how perfect my life would be going, i’d bet i’d be discontent. or maybe i wouldn’t. i think its great how these days, being discontent has become a privilage instead of a right. i mean sure i get discontent with my life, with anything i want to. but alot of people i talk to treat it like they’re allowed to be more discontent than you because they have it worse off. seeing as worse is defined by them it seems pretty asinine. ok, back to the rest.

so then when it happens, you live it for a bit, and its cool, but then other things creep in that make it stupid. and jesus, i’m not even on my own yet, my parents still pay for pretty much everything, for which i am extremely lucky. but its like with the way i feel right now, i might as well just move out to some cabin in the middle of podunk land. but of course i won’t….cause i know its probably a mood just like any other. it’ll pass. i’ll feel differently. i’ll grow up or some shti and all the ideals i hold now will be crushed by the newer, better ones i’m sure to realize. maybe that’s part of it, i’m sick of changing, over and over, it just feels like i discredit my ideas already because in a couple of years i’m gonna think differently, maybe it’ll be an extreme change, and maybe it’ll just be some minor tweaking, but its goign to happen. so i feel like backing up anything i ever claim to put stock in is just goign to change anyways, so i don’t even feel like justifying anything to anybody anymore. but its all i do. justify myself to everyone. like i need to do that all the time. i’d rather just have people take what i say at stock value, or just to stop caring so much, cause i sure as hell don’t.

i have no problems justifying things to myself, but tryign to explain that to someone else is like trying to talk to somone who doesn’t understand english. i mean sure, you can try all sorts of ways of explaining it, hell you can even start yelling and get as simple as you want, just in a vain attempt to get your point accross, but it doesn’t matter how you manipulate the words, they’re still gibberish to the other person. monkies with languages. using them to express ideas that are shaped by the society they live in. that’s just great. a bunch of isolated monkies who want desperatly for people to notice their indivduality, when they have no way of conveying it to anyone but themselves. but oh lord you can try….

i know what i need. hope of some kind. cause i’ve gotten so cozy witht he fact that everythign is hopeless that i just don’t care about anything anymore. i can’t just go picking hope off the ground though, there’s gotta be something to instill it in me. well when i think about it, i need an outside form of hope, cause i got all i need right here with myself, but that doesn’t help me function in the society i’ve been placed in. cause if all the hope i have is buried in the fact that i am who i am, and nothing will change that, then there’s no reason for me to be interacting in a society. but there’s gotta be some reason to hang around here. i just have this feeling that it’ll pop up when i least expect it, and it’ll just happen. maybe it already has happened and i just don’t realize it, maybe that’s why i’m so bitter. not bitter at the world, but bitter at myself, cause i feel like i play a role in some act, and yet i’m ad-libbing the whole thing, and its not going anywhere but in circles, and nothing i really do can change that. hmmm maybe i just fouund my hope here. that people are going to grow up one day and not have to overdramaticize things, and people will just be people someday. good god, how fucking hypocritical am i being, this whole tirade is dramatic

I CAN’T NOT CONTRADICT MYSELF

….and i’m sick of it

bricken bracken floggin’.

is that soem sort of expletive? perhaps it should be, but i suppose its too long ti really be anything noticable. i mean, would i really want to say thasty all the time. of course not cause its pretty damn lng, and would take far too mcuh effort. and effort is bad, cause it takes tiem from the thign i want to do. and god knows i don’t want to spend the limited tiem i have on things that don’t mena shiot

like myself….

oooh, guess i’m in a tight spot here, aren’t i?

I mangle, therefore, I am

won’t the monkies come out to play?

why won’t they? cause they’re afraid of me or some shit, according to that goddamn unicorn i talked to earlier today. yes, i said goddamn. you see, the unicorn was having troubles with this rock that kept spouting off these nuggets of information, but in reality, they were real nuggetts travelling faster than the speed of light towards the unicorn.

and the unicorn was like “you dummy, not only are you goign to put a hole in me, you’re breaking all the current rules of physics by exceeding the speed of light”

to which the rock replied “so what, you’re the one who can’t see what you truly are”

the unicorn, taken slightly aback responded “what are you talking about, i know everything about myself, and anything that has anything to do to me”

the rock gave him a people’s eyebrow and managed to say in between nugget spitting (which were now coming dangerously close to the hive of leprechans) “then what are you bitching about? i’m just doing as i please, and if i feel like spitting nuggets of wisdom exceeding the speed of light, that’s my deal. you’re the one who can’t see the wisdom in it. get defensive and you only justify other people’s positions.”

just as the unicorn was about to respond to this statement that made it extremly angry, the rock did spit a nugget straigh into the hive of leprechans. the leprechans obviously were not pleased with this outcome, so they decided to do something about it. you have to understand that the only things leprechans know how to do is burn things and blow up. no one really realizes that the other shti about green suits and four leaf clovers that are involved in drunken, whisky and rainbow induced orgies (the rainbow thing is a half truth that got twisted due to word of mouth). so they did the thing they knew how to do best which was blow up. when they’re frightened, they just tend to explode as opposed to burn things, cause burning things is a response to everyday activities, and a nugget of truth that streaks through your home at a speed greater than the speed of light is not as run-of-the-mill as most ice queens with half full water bottles would think. the combined force of the leprecans was more than enough to spark the anger of god who came bustin’ throught he clouds like the police after a crack smokin’ dog who has all the crack in the world and won’t share it with anyone, not even god. needless to say, that’s why he came bustin’ in the way he did.

“WHAT IS ALL THIS RACKET!”

immediatly the unicorn and the rock both pointed at each other and said “he did it” but god was not fooled for a second, he saw the smouldering crater where hs precious leprechan hive had been (it was much like sea monkies to him, he didn’t really look after it, or care about it, cause it got boring, but once it was destroyed, he had to get angry and pissed off on general purposes) so without really thinking about things (well, he did know he had a 50/50 chance of gettiong the true culprit right) he shot a lightning bolt out of his ass and damned that unicorn to earth where it sometimes still resides today (most people have a misconception of earth as some hell, its actually some mediary between purgatory, hell, and orgasamville)

so anyways i ran into him while i was out on my daily constitutional, and he informed me about the mokies and how they wouldn’ be able to come out to play today, it was rather distresssing to me, because i had been waiting all month to be playing with them, so instead of beign tolerant and teling the unicorn thank you, because i knew it wasn’t his fault, i decided to shoot the messenger, because it validated my anger, and at least gave it somethign to direct it at, insteda of nothing, because when you have anger to direct at nothing, you just direct it at yourself, or that tree over yonder hill that can only be justified by bringing the utility to a crashing halt as the wonderful crap that flows forth from teh raging inferno of chimneys on houses. so anyways, i did happen to direct it at that tree, but not before taking a swing at the unicorn, which it deftly sidestepped and just laughed at my ineptitude.

i told the unicorn to go screw itself with its horn, and he promptly ran directly at my holiest-of=holes full bore with his horn, so i jumped on top of him and rode standing on him for awhile, be fore he realized that he had missed me completley and he threw me off. the damn hypocrite though, he launched me off at a speed exceeding that of the speed of light, even after he told me all that crap about how he hated that damn rock for spouting off the nugets at a speed very s8imilar tot he one i was going at. so while i traveled at 4.0 E 10 m/s i realized that i was kinda moving but wasn’t, and realized i had no way to slow myself down except that i did happen to have my exceeding-the-speed-of-light-slower-downer kit n me, cuase it wasn’t the first time that i had been in that situation before (the unicorn and i have a real love/hate relationship).

i whipped out the watch and focused it onto my left thigh and pulled the starter that was attatched to it. the damn choke wasn’t adjusted though so i had to grab the thing by its tail and swing it around until it agreed to come up and be with the man in the sky who brings forth the ramblings of stupid people that everyone respects so much because they believe the bile that coems from teh end of the stick pointed towards the moon bringing down the wrath of the heavens that are too crowded with clowns to be any good to any ideals that people might have.

and that did the trick, and i slowed down enough to be back in the realm of modern physics, and all felt well again. or so i thought. i was back in the same place that i thougth i had been in, but wasn’t truly there in any physical/mental/spiritual/wankual sense. and the fact that i wasn’t wankually there bothered me quite a bit, cause i could see the lion’s den across the busy freeway, and they were wankually there. i decided to blow that posicle stand real quick, not like i had any choice about it, because about then, my watch jumped out of its casing and started runnign across that freeway towards the lions den to be with people whoe were wankually there. i mean i could understand that it didn’t want to be with someone that was wankually there, but it was its own damn fault for spitting me out at such an inoppertune place. and then that fucker got hit by some stupid rhino that was chargign down the road after teh ice cream truck that was desperatly trying to get away with it. so here i am, without my physical, mental, spiritual, or wankual self to keep me company. it was pretty lonley, i have to admit.

i had one more trick up my sleeve though and jumped up and landed upside down on my hands and pusehed off again which is the universal symbol for the reeling fish of the great constellation of the pools in backyards of people who don’t know any better than to pour their chlorinating artifacts into which billow forth steaming masses of ineptitude towards the skies of randomness that only a slecet few can look at and wonder with gasping delight that they have been blessed not by others, but by themselves and it brings them up to the next level of the next level (whatever that is) but they’re there and they love it, and they get off on it so much, that their right nut explodes leaving quite a mess on the satchels they happened to be carryign with them at the tiem of the incident in question.

anyways, that threw me back into the wankually sound state that i was in before, but i was still left with teh dillemma of no monkies to play with so i decided to just go jack off instead, and i suppose it was pretty damn good. avergae…not great….just good. oh well, at least i can try as much as i want to. unless those damn dirty apes come and stop me, but the last time they tried that, they got a watermelon to the face and that was none to pleasing for them. in fact they were damn near ecstatic with anger and jealously. the anger i understood, but the jealousy made little sense to me because it just cmpunded their folly as i threw watermelon after water melon at them, sometimes throwing in the occassional tricycle to keep them on their toes.

i brought them forth to the ends of the earth and laid them at the feet of disinterested gods and they went back to whence they were from and had the time of their lives while they were at it, and they kept to themsleves after that except to bring aroudn the second coming of the second coming which we all know is far too much of a second comign for any of us to handle. they brought it with pride, they brought it with their intensity that only they could match, the intensity that only been seen in a few worlds, and never in this one, which was a bad thign becasue it kept them from achiving the goal of the climbimng of the grand cuticle in the sky that bring teh enlightmnment of many generations down to a point so small that it can fit inside the core of a miod sized apple. like a granny or something. it wondered with all its wondering might how to wonder about the crap it had just spit out of its left toe, and wondered how it could possibly ever stop it from the destiny that it was mean tot keep pursuing which was that of the jet piolot in heat. they have goals, sure but to what end are they trying to observe those goals? to that question someone should know the answer, but i don’t, so someone must. cuse if anybody duid it would probably be cvatastrophic and blissful at the saem time, bring the age of chaos that we so want and deserve, nipping at the heels of GW and his minons of republicans, bringing forth the new age of glory, or so they think witht heir fun-boys and happy-sacks. if i had the happy sacs that they do, i suppose that i would abuse them just the same as if i didn’t have a happy sack. oh well, at least i can be stupid and love it.

STUPID AND LOVING IT!!! because its better to be stupid than smart as a wise man once told me.