hahaha, everyone stop what you’re doing right now, and turn your keyboard upside down and shake it, its absolutly disgusting…yet rad

man, what a great weekend this has been. i already explained my friday night, which was rad, but last night was really rad, and today was rad as well.

so we headed down to USC 6 around like 9:30 or something after a few minor set backs (the usual, waiting for people to get money, peopel to get ready, etc.) but we made it down there around 11 or somethign and we were kinda bummed cause we already missed bad company and ed rush and optical were already halfway through their set. but we were trying to schmooze one free ticket from a person that adam knew but wasn’t going to attend but she wasn’t on the list so that didn’t work out. so we were very grudgingly going to shell out 50 bucks a pop just so we could get in, but lily saved us outright. it was funny apprently she just had this one girl’s name and that got her a ticket for her and her friend, which also happened to be VIP. she was so rad and gave us the two tickets for 30 bucks, so we ended up only paying 80 between 3 of us, which was alot more reasonable than 150. so then when we were trying to get in, one of the security guards told chanta that she couldn’t get in with her belt because it had metal studs on it and could be used as a weapon. bah, i swear…i mean technically i could use any piece of clothing on me as a weapon. i mean my phat pants probably weigh 7 or 8 pounds, and if i took them off and twisted them i could probably hurt some ont that way. i could also take off my shirt, twist that and choke someone with it. or i could take off my shoe as well and bludgeon someone with that. i could also put my keys between my knuckles and use those as weapons. really, its pretty damn rediculous. so they had to walk back to the car and drop that off, and while i was waiting in line, some guy asked me if i wanted to make some money, so he handed me the ticket he had bought and asked me to sell it for him. it was rad, i was running around tryign to barter with people, making up stories about how i just bought it, and my friend had showed up with my free ticket so i was just trying to unload it and get in. and i managed to unload it on someone for 40 bucks, so that guy ended up giving me 10. that was pretty rad.

so i pretty much headed straight for the jungle room and looked for my friends there, cause the jungle room was kinda our rallying point, and i got there in tiem to see the last half hour of ed rush and optical, and those guys are “on the chain” to put it as MC RhymeTyme did, i thought that was a great saying. so i danced and danced and generally went nuts to jungle. and dance i did. despite my injured knee, i did a pretty damn good job schooling alot of the people there. i mean, there was some pretty good dancers there, but it seems like there were alot more when i started out. it just seemd like alot of the people there were not really as intot he dancing. they also seemed really young to me though. sigh….guess i’m just getting older. there was this one guy though who was all decked otu with glow rings all over his body, and he asked me if i had been at endfest, and i told him i had, and he was like “yeah, i remember seing this awesome dancer there, and i thought i recognized you”. that was amusing to me, seeing as that was about a year ago, but i still took it as a compliment.yeah although most of the rooms were dissappointing, it was cool to see swamp and the crystal method would have been a whole lot better if they had been playing a live set as opposed to a DJ set, but they still played some rad enoguh tracks to keep me in there for more than 10 minutes. but the jungle room ownd me, seeing ed rush, optical, diselboy, ak1200 and dara was just awesome. hearing such dark and evil jungle is great when you’re in a dirty, dark warehouse. the mc was actually good too, most of the time i think they detract from the music, but the mc’s were rad this time. they did clsoe early this time, like around a little after 5 which was kinda chus, but i still got to end my night with donald glaude, which is just kind of a tradition with exhibition center parties.

so i talked to alot of interestign people, i danced like a maniac, and i had a blast with my friends, so in the end it was very very rad. but i just found out like 10 minutes ago, that my brother had been there. dammit! i wanted to be with him for hsi first party, and i technically was, but it was way too crowded to really run into people you weren’t looking for. althoguh that did happen quite a bit, i wish it had happened with my bro…sigh….oh well, maybe next time. he told me he had a blast though, and i think that’s pretty cool.

but yeah i woke up pretty damn cracked out today, but it was beautiful out, and i layed around the sun from like 1 to 4:30 alternating between lying on my back and listening to music, and lying on my stomach and studying bio. i actually managed to accomplish all my reading, so that was cool. then mikey showed up and we went down to the samish river and mikey caught 2 minnows, it was great. taking beer with you and just shoving them in the river to get them cold is so great. i couldn’t fish with mike though cause he forgot the reel for his other rod, so i got to toy around with his for a bit, but i really need alot more practice to fly fish, i’ll get there though if i keep going with him though. it was rad, tryign to feel those damn minnows pull on the line, that is some difficult shit, i only felt them hit like twice, but it was still rad. i spent most of the rest of my time trying to name as many plants as i could and i was surprised at how many i remembered but i wished ben had been there, or i had my pojar or something, cause i got stumped on some of them and i was like “wtf? i should know this shit” but it was still rad.

so we chilled and got a little buzzed and then came home and got a nice, sluttly, papa murphey’s chicken garlic pizza. oh god, i love those pizza’s. got mangled, all my homework’s done, i’m looking forward to doign nothing tonight. i swear, sometimes my weeknds are more tiring than my week, but i’ll be goddamned if i don’t have a shitload more fun durign the weekend. wudar.

ahhh, weekends are rad, you can just sit around till noon in your boxers, playing video games

life is good

haha, yeah last night was great, went to evan and chris’s birthday party and hilled and drank there for a bit, and i ran into this girl bobbi that is really rad, but i haven’t hung around with her that much this year. so we drove around and ended up at this hawaiian party, and it looked like we were invading their space, cause they kept shooting us looks of contempt. it was rad. bobbi had a friend dusty who was up visiting, and she was a total punk rock girl, it was fun hanging around with those guys. we tried to get into fairhaven to go see if we could go to the studio or something, but that was locked of course, not like we could get into the studio without keys anyways…but yeah, there was erica and this random dude darren who was pretty rad, we tried to walk up seahome hill but ended up getting abotu 100 yards before we realized that it would take too long, and we were pretty trashed. so we just sat down and talked. hahha, bobbi’s so great, when we were walking back she rubbed my shirt sleeve and randomly asked me “is this felt?” and i looked confused for a second and before i could respond, she said “do you want it to be?” i nearly died laughing, it took me so by surprise. and then she proceeded to head butt into erica, which was pretty damn funny too.

so i got dropped off by those guys and got back home and chris and renee were chilling, and everyone else had gone to sleep or sum shit, but yeah chris and renee were still awake so we went ,up to blanchard mountain and we sat up there, chilled and talked for a bit. that lookout spot is really beautiful. it looks out over mount vernon and burlington, and even though there’s still lots of light pollution, you can still see a fair amount of stars. but yeah, we just drove back, and chris and i sat around for a bit before pasing out.

i woke up and its beautiful out…life is rad.

going to USC 6 tonight, i haven’t been to a party ibn so long…i’m so stoked for this, its gonna be rad.

hahahaha, my friends are beautiful, chris, adam, and mikey get the extra + on their E to get and E+ for effort by taking a green marker, writing the letters R, A, and D on their respective chests and sat at the back of the orchestra concert i was playing in, flashing their chests when i was looking. so very very rad, props to 203. wudar.

everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt….

i read that in slaughterhouse five when i finished that book a few weeks ago, and it kinda struck me as odd because the book didn’t actually state that in context, but had it as a picture that kurt vonnegut had drawn, and it was on a tombstone. it really hits at the right moment in the book because most of the book talks about how time is really what you make of it, and since you can make a concious effort to think about what you want, you should be able to forget bd things that happen to you. hence, if you just forget about all the bad moments in your life, everything would be beautiful and nothing could hurt, becuase if you choose to ignore them, then maybe it didn’t exsist in the first place.

and i know that its mostly meant to be ironic in the book, and it does serve that purpose well, but it just kinda struck me at that moment when i read it. if you do block out everythign bad, how are you going to know if things are beautiful? if you have no standard of bad, there really can’t be any measure of good. i know this is pretty obvious stuff when you think about it, but pretty much everyone i deal with (myself included) loses track of this. its easy to lose track of yourself when things are going too well, and its easy to dwell when things aren’t going so well. are things going bad for me? i don’t think so. could they be better? sure. could they be worse? of course they could. but would it matter one way or the other? would i be any less myself if i wasn’t goign to school and was working at mcdonalds for a living? i don’t think i would be any less me, but i suppose that my environment would affect the way it was expressed.in any situation you’re put into you’re going to have things to worry about. some of these worries are definatly alot more serious than others, but that’s also a matter of your preception too. you can always make soemthing more important than it is just by emphasizing it.

i’ve been so anti-social and pissy in general i think, and i can’t pin my finger on it as to why. i’m just so bitter about everything for some reason, and i don’t think that i outwardly express it too much, but its been inwardly so different latley that i don’t understand what brought it on. it just snuck up on me and all of the sudden i realize taht i just feel like i’m fed up with people. i’m not one to have strong convictions in the first place, let alon to have enough mental prowess to back them up most of the time. i’m a shell that’s been filled up by other people, and sometimes i hardly think that i have a thought of my own. its not that its necesarily a bad thing, taking things from other people can help to give perspective on yours. but by my actions and the way i just am in general, i will always be a doormat, and i’ll tell myself i don’t care. when i tell myself i don’t care though, i automatically start questioning that. why the hell should i ever question anything that i think? tat stuff is supposed to come from you and you alone, and i wonder if that’s even true anymore. maybe i’m so conditioned that i just think things by automatic response. but how can you tell the difference between automatic response and automatic questioning if you can’t even tell the difference between the two?

i also think its cause i’ve felt like a total mooch latley. i always think in a wierd wierd sense, where its allright for people to do things to me, but when it gos the other way around i feel bad about it. and there is no reason for me to feel bad about it and i have to keep reminding myself that it doesn’t really matter, but i still get that automatic response of feeling alittle guilty for imposing on someone, cause i know that i wouldn’t really want people imposing on me, but in the end, i am imposing on them, and they are imposing on me. me and everyone else in the world is a walking paradox, saying one thing and then contradicting it not too long after. i don’t think i’ll ever stop contradicting myself though, cause i want to make everyone happy. and when you spread yourself that thin, its hard to keep your priorities in order. even people who are completley selfesh contradict themselves too. everyone contradicts themselves. so is it possible to believe in something? does everything have to be an in-between or comprimise?

so i guess, really, these questions are more than i really want to think about, cause they piss me off, so i tend to not care about them, which really i think is right along the same vein as ignoring them.

everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt…

so in my not caring about things, i’m really just making myself happy by ignoring the things that would make me feel bad. things that make me insecure. things that make me question who i am. i just feel like i’ve given up cause i don’t think that i’ll ever be able to understand myself and others, and it pisses me off more than anything to have someone tell me that they do. that’s why people have been pissing me off latley. maybe i’m just jealous though and being selfesh too, cause since i think that i can’t really have anythign figured out, then there’s no way for anyone else to. no, that’s not true though…people can have things figured out….for themselves. i can figure things out for me and no one else. i can’t think for other people, so i don’t want people to think for me.

so i sit here and am being the contradiction that i speak of. if i ddin’t want these things to hurt, couldn’t i just stop dwelling on them and move on? and my first impulse is to say “i can’t…” but by saying “can’t” i really think i’m saying “won’t”. an di’ve noticed that about me and everyone else. most of the time when someone says “can’t” they really mean “won’t” even though there is a world of difference between the two of them. i guess by saying can’t though, i’m just telling myself that it is beyond my control. everything is beyond my control and there is nothing that i can do about it. so i tell myself that i can’t, shifting responsibility off of me. because if something was my fault then i would have to deal with it. but i’d rather ignore it.

or maybe its just there’s a hormonal imbalance in my brain that will correct itself eventually.

everything was beautiful and nothing hurt…

why is it always on the weekends where all you want to do is sit around and do nothing, people insist on dragging you places?

good god, i haven’t blogged in forever, damn….i’ll do it when my head isnn’t throbbing though…alcohol is rad

yeah, i know, i haven’t blogged in awhile, i don’t know why, i’ve just been busy or something. it seems like whenever i get home, someone’s always dragging me somewhere, or i’ve got soe obligation to fulfil. not that i relaly mind, i mean it keeps me busy and everything, which is somethign i probabyl need, otherwise i would just waste away, but needless to say, blogger has been put on the back burner. latley i guess i just haven’t cared at all enoguh to blog, i just find myself caring less and less about anything, except school which is odd to me.

i spend around 7 to 8 hours at school a day, and the tiem when i’m not in class, i’m doing homework. i come back and its not like i’m totally against going out, but i just feel like its pointless most of the time. if it was free, that’d be one thing, but most of the time, goign out entails spending money. and i don’t mind that much either, as long as i’m getting somethign worthwhile. and really, i don’t think i get much of anythign worthwhile by going out just for the sake of goign out. baaaaaaah, i’m very beligerent now, i’ll probably end up sounding way to bitter and angry…i’ll get all my views of humanity out soon though…i’ve been holding it in for awhile, and i think i need to vent soon. i don’t know, i think i need to sort it out though. i mean for the most part i think all the human interactions that go on around me are absolutly rediculous and pointless and taken too seriously, and yet it doesn’t fill me with despair, like it used to. now i just figure that people should do their own thing, just like i should. but yeah, i’ll probably get into this later….i know that putting it off isn’t the greatest thing to do, but i doubt i’ll put it off much longer.

its been a rough week, and i really don’t feel much like thinking anymore, even if it is somethign which i actually kinda want to talk about. friday night is for turning off all logical thought processes and just succumbing to temptation

i keep thinking the TV is on…..but its not…..

man, what a rad weekend, it has been absolutly gorgeous up here in gbellingham, so you can just lay around in the sun all day, and then just party like a rock star all night. rad. i’m gonna go back out in the sun