Category Archives: The Greatest Thing Ever

Ween

A couple of months ago, i had a friend buy tickets to a show that we had missed out on 3 years previous. I had never heard of them , but they are his favorite band, and I was intrigued. The band was called Ween, and apparently they’ve been doing goofy rock for decades now.

I listened to some of the music nonchalantly, and saw the silly genius behind their music, but still never really got into them. There’s a ton of music out there, and not all of it goes into heavy rotation.

We went and saw them last night at the Paramount, and I was summarily blown away by the performance. There are some acts that can only be captured in a live venue. It was nothing about their stage precense though, nothing about the visuals or the huge amounts of smoke from smoke machines or anything that did it for me. It was their musicianship, their ability to play tightly together, despite slugging beers and hitting “jazz cigarettes” onstage the entire show. They were serious chameleons of classic rock, with good song writing and solid playing.

I know I’ve always felt a deep affinity for music, but much like everything in my life, i hold it at a distance, and never take it too seriously. That was the vibe i got from the crowd and the performers last night. It’s just music, but let’s do it really well. Let’s have fun. That’s a philosophy i can always get behind.

The fact that this was probably the first show my friend has ever plunked down any amount of money for gave me some perspective too. You gotta figure there’s something special about a band if someone who isn’t that into music (or live shows, anyways) pays to go to a show where the floor sells out overnight. There’s so much music culture I’m not a part of because I can’t pay attention to it all. But if i pay attention to people who appreciate music (or art of any kind, actually) i’ll end up somewhere i didn’t plan. my life needs more of that.

Welcome Back!

I go away for a week on my own, and suddenly ben has three posts up. the prodigal son returns! good to see a familiar face around here.

otherwise, i got nothing to contribute, i’ve been using slow work times to live it up. drink beer and be happy!

Important

Sometimes everything seems important.

Sometimes nothing seems important.

What’s the difference, where does the delineation lie? Sometimes my breain tells me that ideas are important. New ones, old ones, ones that pique my interest, or not. Then it turns around and when i start picking at the idea, it immediately jumps straight to “what’s the difference”. Not just idea picking though, all incoming information gets passed through that filter, first and foremost.

This idea is always within ideas, but at times like these, my brain is more apt to agree with them, rather than point out how negative and unconstructive it is. It really bugs me because I know I’ll get over this feeling and things will go back to normal. But that whole idea of changing perspective on a time continuum lies near the foundation of this “what’s the difference” idea.

Commit to something and change your mind. Think one way about something then change your mind. Change your mind about something and then change your mind. It’s inevitable, like alot of things going on in life.

So since there’s a choice, the obvious way to go is the one that causes less pain, right? Right. Of course it doesn’t work that way though, i can only force my brain to embrace so much joy, without going to check on how pain’s coming along. Interest in one grows, the other wanes. It has to be like this, but I’m also supposed to be this construct of a person that deals with others. I guess it fits in because it has to.

Deep.

Work it Out

It’s crazy how much work almost becomes a refuge away from your real life. The things you love end up being way more taxing and time-consuming that the ol’ 9 to 5.  I spent both my weekend days doing mostly the crappy work of brewing beer. This entails mostly bottle cleaning and putting said beer in those bottles. As i was skinning my 200th bottle or so, i thought to myself :

“this sucks, but hey, at least I’m only accountable to myself and my own standards.”

it made me smile in the moment, but i almost think it was to fool myself from the drudgery of the work i was doing. work is always gonna be work, no matter what I do to try and get around it. I think that’s what i’ve always though, and why jobs feel so superfluous to me. I can get work done, and after a bit of time of doing the same types of jobs, i can do it super-efficiently. huzzah for you dude.

you know why you work hard and get super efficient though. It’s so you’ll be done with work quicker and you can get around to all those self-enriching, non-destructive things you’d rather be doing than working. Which will bore you eventually if you don’t have a job to get super-efficient at. because being super efficient in your leisure is no way to do it.

that sounds like work.

Cruise Control

Looks like everything is going just fine. Sailing along very nicely. Nothing but the horizon ahead, with a nearly unlimited view of everything around.

It’s during moments like these that the anxiety sets in. It’s a chronic condition of the life I live. What should I be doing right now that could be more productive, furthering a goal I want to see to completion. Look at everyone else around me, achieving things, why aren’t i more like them? On and on and on, it doesn’t stop. Gotta have some force to push you along though. If i were a little more zen and less into luxury, i could live in my car. Depends on how zen i want to get, i suppose.

If we’re gonna get zen here, this is probably neither the time or the place, but when is it ever? Try and come to terms with keeping my ideas about life and myself evolving, checking it out from different angles, while incorporating myself into it. It’s exhausting work, people.

Anyways, back to my luxury life. I just can’t get over the new Das Racist album, it’s joke rap done almost too well. I listen over and over and keep coming back for more. I wake up in the morning in that half sleep daze turning their verses over in my head, when i just want to sleep. I don’t get it, I feel like this shouldn’t be on such heavy rotation, and yet it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndnCkUDQFUE

I love music….gimmie more!

Believe

Now that I’m not debilitatingly tired and have some time for reflection I keep coming back to what I just accomplished, and what it means in my life. I climbed that mountain for no reason, really. I did it because my friends had an idea to do it and I went along. Because, why not? Climb the mountain because it’s there and I hear mountain climbing is tough. I’ve pushed myself before, but never like this. Still, I was well trained, had advice and advisers, and all the gear I needed.

I found that was only half of it though, I saw truly how important being mentally prepared is than physical training. This is one of those ideas that is driven into you a million times by others, telling you that your mental attitude is huge in the things you want to accomplish. Of course, I was aware of this idea, I feel like I’ve used it before. I said in the previous post that I couldn’t believe that I had done it, but I think there was alot coming in, and I couldn’t place all of  it.

Upon looking back, I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could do it. I just knew I could, and then I started to see myself as my attitudes beyond my ego. Seeing my limitations and the things I can accomplish and the insignificance of it all, really. Seeing myself for who I am, and what is important to me. Believing in myself, utterly. Needless to say, it’s tough to describe without sounding like a cliched douchebag.

I’ve been hearing “It is what it is” more and more these days , and I mean alot. I feel like it’s popping up everywhere, that people are accepting things because there’s not really any other option. The phrase bugs me a little, a catch-all phrase that can act as a band-aid for actual analysis. I might be biased because I still think “So it goes” is better. But the idea is there, floating through people’s minds, describing a feeling. One by one, these ideas start webbing together and a belief is born. It comes from somewhere, it is tangible.

But there I was, standing on top of a mountain, looking out upon it all, feeling I was supposed to have a huge sense of accomplishment of what i had just achieved. At least extremely humbled or something. I didn’t though, I had just done it because I knew I was going to. In the moment it happened, I was too preoccupied with exhaustion and time constraints to bring it all home. Looking back at it now though, I see how it comes together, how believing doesn’t make it so.  Believing is what it is. It is what I am, it is what I do. It is being human, and recognizing where you fit in, as much as you can.

As narcissistic and conceited as this sounds,  believing in myself is as close to God as I can get. That’s not all there is to it, but that’s the base idea. I can’t carry it all by myself, I need others, and they need me. All of us believing everything and nothing to varying degrees at the same time. The idea of seeing yourself as both important and inconsequential. Believing what you want and what you will,  fitting it into existing on this planet, and finding a sense of peace in all of it.

So it goes my friend, so it goes.

Mt. Rainier

I can’t believe that everything lined up for it, but yesterday around 9 AM, I made my way to the top of Mt. Rainier. The feeling I got from this was indescribable, but i can put out there that it was the hardest thing I have ever done, and probably will ever do. The more i think back on it, the more crazy it seems.  I did it, but I still can’t believe it.

Creation

most of the time, i ask myself what i’m doing here. that i’m beyond this type of self-reflection, that this only does me marginally good. typing like a narcissistic goon, (not)begging for attention.

but whether i like it or not, i come here and create. creation. creating something out of an apparent nothing. a place where unbridled creation is unleashed,  embracing some creative element. most of the time, i would rather consume stuff, but the bug is there to occasionally create something. write my thoughts down, brew some beer, fix something that’s broken. A creative life versus a consumption life, yet another balancing act to strike. consume too much and you just become a receptacle just loaded with facts and ideas. create too much and you get too focused on creating and getting lost in your own world. neither is a bad thing, but much like everything in this world, too much of anything is no good. thank you 3rd grade, for that nugget of wisdom.

the big thing is the quality level. quality is not inherent to creation or consumption, but it’s a big part. i still haven’t figured out quality though. you can feel it in things you create, see it in things you consume. for all i know, it could be the amount of love that goes into or comes out of these objects when you interact with them. it’s impossible to quantify, it can only be done by feeling, but you know it when you see it. it’s a nice thought, anyways.

i think my big problem these days is that i don’t care if i create anything. i enjoy creation but i don’t try and catalog and store alot of it, and the stuff i do still just doesn’t feel like it has enough importance to try and force others to consume what i create. either through laziness or fear of rejection, i don’t know. mostly i think it’s the apathy that is encountered you make something you think is nice. it is presented and summarily dismissed with a shrug and a “meh”, and life goes on. maybe a “that’s nice”.

but so what? if i create something and a bunch of people think it’s the greatest thing ever, then what? my ego gets a little scratch under it’s chin and a treat for being such a good boy, and i’m back to where i started, chasing the high of creating something people think is important to further satiate my ego. it’s a damn vicious cycle, but it all feels like it if i sit down and start thinking hard enough.

let’s turn this around, though. creation does bring a sense of accomplishment, and i suppose that’s about all i can expect from it. at least i can do tangible things for myself, to make me feel better. as long as i’m not hurting anyone else, i can justify what i do for myself, or people i truly care about. there are  not many things in life worrying yourself over, and a sense of accomplishment is a damn fine distraction.

beer might be something worth screaming about from the hilltops for me, but i’d still rather relax than work, and i think that makes all the difference.

you know it when you see it.

Radio Citizen

Right here is a huge reason i enjoy and listen to music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeqqrrSHfDM

For me, this hits on everything i enjoy about a well crafted song. But it’s the rest of the stuff that happens now because of a song like this that i am here writing. Now comes the pounding of the song throughout the next couple of weeks, months if it has that kind of staying power. Starting to listen to everything else they’ve made to see how solid they are as songwriters and musicians. Keeping an ear to the ground for a show they will play in Seattle at some point. Listening to their music doing something i can associate it with.

In short, enjoying the shit out of it.

Lost Ruminations

i love having titles, i can influence or revamp the whole feel of my post, based on responding to a title, or making a title after creating what i feel is a complete thought. i am coming to grips with having a blog voice again. it’s basically a side of my personality now. free access and recall is a nice touch.

aside aside, let’s move on. yada yada yada,  i can come here and ruminate.

at this point, it’s still around Lost. i’ve had some time to digest a bit now, and come back here. it was a state of shock for me for a little bit, something so viscerally emotional. something i haven’t felt in awhile. and why? why not?  the whole series was expert at manipulating my emotions, both in it’s devices and my willingness to surrender.  it was that suspension of disbelief that really struck me. whatever the creators did, I clicked with it and let myself be carried away by their story.when Lost was finished, it was comparable to the feeling of finishing a great novel, experienced for the first time. somehow, they made me feel exactly the way i feel when i finish a book  that i already have profound love for before i even get halfway through it. you see the voice and structure of the story, and are completely willing to see this story telling voice wherever it goes, whether you agree or not.

the story becomes a voice, and you want to listen to it.

i know it didn’t leave the exact same message with me that it did with everyone else, but i felt that was part of the message it imparted, an open-endedness. the main point of being connected to those around you and what that entails is open for debate, but you know it when you see it. along with such sweeping generalizations though, are the details. they are there if you want to sweat them. but to me, it doesn’t matter one way or the other. being willing to succumb to something you don’t understand, accepting some limitations (faith or no faith), i feel that’s what the show was trying to express that at the end. it can get as meta as you want it to, just like REAL life.

in the end, i think it was just reminding you to turn around occasionally and marvel at the fractals you create in your life.

they may not be as unique as you think.