Category Archives: Uncategorized

one paper to go, this is very exciting, it’s rediculous how long this quarter has seemed.

i need to escape though, escape from every responsibility i have, and get some me time in, because good god all i’ve been doing for 18 hours a day for the past 5 days is school, school, school, and i really don’t think people want to deal with me now.

i’m probably not going to finish this damn paper till tomrrow either.

so close…..

so i’m gonna sit here for just a minute, and type something.

final one is done, it was easy, but there’s no time to rest, it’s on to final 2 tomrrow. study some more, then move on to final number three (the killer) on wednesday, then collect myself enopugh to write some papers for genetics lab that i should probably care more about, but know i won’t after wednesday.

then sweet, sweet freedom, where work = money, and there’s a finite end to my day’s work.

man, i wish i had more papers to write, at least then i would have a goal, besides the goal of “know this as well as possible and be prepared for random questions about it”

but school is school, it’ll be over soon, at least that is a finite goal.

so yeah, back to work i go strenghening my mind, while my body wastes away. it probably needed the rest anyways.

so i was going to do school work, but it turns out i left the info i need at home, and the teacher hasn’t posted the class results of the experiment. oh well… it’s almost thanksgiving, and everything is in the lull of the storm that is finals.

yee haw for school though, school and work.

apparently i signed up for this “Mr. Science” calander thing while i was walking around the biology building today, and of course it’s someone i know, so i’m not going to be able to say no to them. now i’m stuck though, i gotta think of something absolutly rediculous to pose for in this calander. I got nothing right now, but i want to brain storm something up that is just border-line offensive. pushing the envelope a little, but still acceptable. it’s a tough thing to do.

anyways, i alluded to the whole vanilla ice thing a couple days ago, and i still have to say that was one of the best concerts i ever went to. the setting was rediculous, the artist was rediculous, and it only cost 15 bucks.

my favortie part of the show was where right before he played ice ice baby, he started saying

“Music isn’t about an image. Music isn’t about a gimmick. Music isn’t about selling out and making money. MUSIC IS ABOUT THE FUCKING MUSIC! DOWN WITH THE MAN!”

it was on e of the most cliched things i think i have ever heard, and i couldn’t help but bust out laughing at the whole thing. it was just rediculous to the nth degree, and i loved every second of it.

but yeah, this week of school has been blissfully slow, and i kinda take a look back at it from time to time, i mean this time a week and a half ago, i was about ready to just quit school. this happens everytime i have a slough of tests i realize though. then i finish, pull out of it doing pretty well, and then start prepping for the next set of death. the further i get into this stuff though, the less it seems that i understand. i mean, no matter how much i study for these tests, it’s always my intuition and general knowledge that pulls me through.

the last biochemistry test i took was basically just taking some vauge terms we had learned in class and then all of the sudden having to apply organic chemistry to how proteins bond and retain their conformation. there were no questions like this when we were doing the problem sets, and it hardly mentioned it when i read through the book. but i get to the test and i just reguritate crap up that makes sense due to material i’ve learned over the past couple of years and end up getting a right answer cause i can put the components together that i already know to get some answer that’s pretty close to the right one.

i feel like an idiot the entire time i’m doing this though, i barley really understand what the book is getting at half the time, i scarcley understand the points that the teachers are trying to make in class, but everything ends up falling into place despite my feeling of being completley lost and unprepared.

this has been what frustrates me about school latley. but the funny thing is, the more people that i talk to, the more i realize everyone’s in the same boat.

come to think of it, it’s pretty much the way everyone is about anything these days. no one seems to know what’s going on. i certainly don’t know what’s going on, but i can make some fairly accurate guesses from time to time. even the people who are supposed to dictate what is going on (in a school or work or societal sense, no offense to JC) seem to make decisions based on something else from someone else who has no idea what’s going on.

despite no one really knowing what the hell they’re doing, things still happen.

that’s some crazy shit.

ok ok, highlight of my life:

going to see vanilla ice at the local meat-market of town (the royal) he sings “ice ice baby” in an ICP style, and i’m close enough to him when he finishes to get a pound from him.

god, my girlfriend got a drumstick from the crazy former danzig drummer, who was aptly named “hitman”

tonight was a blast, good god, vanilla ica is great, he is still definatly cool as ice.

damn you biochemistry, you are going to own me.

just 4 weeks to go in the quarter, it’s kinda odd, it seems like school just started. now i gotta start worrying about finals? blow me….

anyways, i could fill up a page of uninteresting gibberish about how classes are going, school, career prospects, etc., everything having to do with my future, but really, it’s pretty boring. i’m on the right track, and as long as i put in my fair share of work, i’ll get where i’m going. no worries there.

anyways, i was thinking about something from a couple of nights ago. of course i had it all worked out sime time a couple of nights ago, and i know that it was something that was bugging me, but now all i’m left with is the intial question, so who knows, maybe i’ll end up somewhere else. i’m guessing my brain will fall in to the same pattern once i start rolling though. my brain is pretty predictible in its patterns, after all.

but yeah, mikey was yelling something about religion, and i retorted with something equally as inane as “well, what is rational thought?” so then the next night, mikey pointed out that i always say stuff like that. well shit, why do i always say stuff like that. seeing as it’s hard for me to explain things on the fly, i’m mostly dumbfounded myself, with the answers to my own questions. not an uncommon thin, i might add. given time, and a printed media though, i think i can make some sort of coherent answer.

Q: What is rational thought?

A: what i precieve it to be.

Q: Well, if it’s only what you precieve it to be, then what makes it rational?

A: therein, lies the paradox. as i precieve things, everything in this life is arbitrary. from the ideas you hold, to the things you believe, they are conclusions that you have come to through your interpretations of other peoples actions or ideas. but some things make intuitive sense, like the fact that water will get you wet, or things dropped from your hand will fall towards the ground. oversimplifications to be sure, but things that can be proved to your senses in a direct fashion tend to be concretly stabilized there. you then can take these things you precieve to be concrete, integrate the ideas behind them, and apply it to something that is not the same, but shares similar qualities. mars isn’t the same as earth, and you’ve never been there, but you assume that when you drop something from your hand, it will fall to the ground. but since you haven’t directly experience this, how can you possibly know that it is true? probably because if somethign concrete you knew didn’t hold true in similar situations, then it would disprove it’s infallibility, causeing another explination of your question to formulate. if you don’t hold fast to some rules that are pretty consistant in your life, then things would make no sense (i mean, less than it does now).

so hard, fast, rules, are a basis for rational thought. this is where the conjecture comes in. who dictates these rules? someone or something outside of your control. who interprets these rules? you do. you can take the meaning that something falling to the ground is actually the ground pushing up on you to meet the ball everytime you drop it. of course, i think this is pretty improbable, and yes, you can prove such things as gravity with math and physics, and yet it is still up to the individual who interprets it. just because something is proved, doesn’t mean you have to believe it, or take it the way it is presented. there wouldn’t be progress if everything that was ever presented to us was taken at face value.

so because rational thought is something that needs hard, fast rules, and the fact that you dictate the rules that make up your rational thought processes, the fact that your foundation of rational thought is soley based upon you makes it valuable to yourself, and anyone else who decides that you are an important enough influence on their rules of rational thought.

Q: So then why does my rational thought coincide with so many other people?

A: I think that this happens because most people are wired pretty damn near the same. general integration and syntehsis are basic human qualities that are nurtured when young, and sharpen as you age and hit the peak of your life. some people’s biochemical pathways are just more efficient than others, and not all rational thought processes are the same, so information gathering and interpretation can be different for anyone. i mean, i’m pretty smart, but if i hadn’t had the conception of the world being round hammered into my head since i was young, i probably wouldn’t have been able to figure it out on my own. someone else’s thought process figured it out and proved it (apparently), so now i accept it to be true because it makes more sense to the other things i hold true.

so i hold some things to be true. i think that deviled eggs are the greatest food ever.

does this make me right? nope.

is everyone going to agree with me? i sure hope not.

but when i think about the fact that believe i love deviled eggs so much, and that i believe the earth is round, they’re both arbitrary decisions to me. just because i hold something true doesn’t mean you have to. it doesn’t mean anyone has to. holding a belief true does not make you right. it just gives you something you believe in. the fatc that you are in agreeance with many other people about what you precieve to be rational is due to societal conditioning i think, but i don’t really want to explain all the facets of that.

so basically rational thought is a collection of rules that you interpret and dictate to yourself, and choose to believe. this is only true for me though, and not for you. hence i think that rational thought is arbitrary, and all arguments are invalid, because the bottom line is, i live in my world, and you live in yours. they’re similar, but by no means the same.

i’ve never taken a philosiphy class in my life, but i think this might be something i would have to write for one at sometime or another. of course i probably wouldn’t be able to use my own ideas to such a degree, but then again, that’s why i don’t take philosiphy classes. it’d all sound as hollow as this does.

so really, if you managed to work through my half-hour-probably-loaded-with-holes-since-i-didn’t-read-this-over-once logic and disagree, then by all means prove me wrong, find holes in my arguments and exploit them, tell me if i forgot something and i’ll listen. not necesarily care, but i’ll listen.

the other option, which is more likely, is that you didn’t make it through this, or don’t care anyways. if that’s true, then great.

cause you’re in the same boat as me.

so i go to check my email between classes, and lo and behold, Jesus has sent me an email.

“wow, the savior himself, dropping a line to poor sinners like myself, telling me to preservere, and keep my chin up, because as long as i beliee in him, i’ll get what i want out of this life and the hereafter”

well, i opened that sucker up, expecting his grace to fill and flood me, and i got something that was cloe to my previous statement:

“Click here to see her take a h0rsse c00ck up her buutt”

ahhh, the power of jesus

well, i don’t have to print anything here in the library (reason i came here) and my bus won’t be here for another 20 minutes, so it’s time to blog.

if you want a good intro to anime, or want to compare and contrast something to it, go see kill bill. not only is it awesome, but it’s pretty much a live action anime. that makes for great entertainment, as far as i’m concerned.

man, i don’t have oppertunities like this very often. i sit down, and can think about anything i want, but i just draw a blank. i’m so busy most of the time that i’m just thinking about what’s next in my day, and if i’m not doing something productive, i’m gonna screw myself for tomrrow.

so school, you have a stranglehold on my life yet again, but now there are work and girlfriend factors to take care of as well (i’m sure i’ve reiterated this a few times) so now i’m busier than ever, but at the same time, i can’t remember being more content. if you don’t have time to reflect on things, and are constantly on the go, then you don’t really have time to think about things that aren’t consequential to accomplishing them.

seems kinda stupid escapisim, really. keep myself busy so i don’t have to worry about anything else. don’t have to worry about others, don’t have to worry about what’s going on in the world. i mean shit, i have no concept of what’s going on outside of my little world right now. i hardly ever watch the news, and haven’t been reading on-line newspapers like i normally do. i’m debating if this makes me an ignorant fool or not. on one hand, i am supposed to know about things that are going on in this world, and should be aware of what’s wrong with the world today, because it could in some way effect my future descisons. on the other hand, i just don’t give a damn. things will happen in the world regardless if i know about them or not and just because i don’t know all the details of the strife between palestine and israel doesn’t mean that i don’t care at all. it just seems like it’s too inane to follow everything. there’s always peace talks, or there’s always another bombing, or there’s GW doing some shit to help things out, or screw it up, or someone spouting off some rhetoric for everyone to care about.

does it really make me selfesh to think that these things are going to have about a .01% effect on whether or not i pass my next test, get all my classes in, graduate on time, work enough to pay my bills, make sure my bike works so i can get places, make sure i spend time with people i have friendship obligations to so i stay sane, make sure i have money for food, etc.

i can DO something that has a direct effect on these situations. i can talk all about the rest of the world till i’m blue in the face and won’t be able to accomplish anything.

and yet, this world is what provides me with the ability to have nothing but superficial worries about my life. if we don’t get oil, then trains and trucks can’t supply me with the food i eat, the paper i write my assignments on, and pretty much every facet of my life that can’t come directly from the northwest. america borrows so much of the worlds resources that the only reason i can live the uninvolved life i do is because of everyone else in the world.

so maybe i should care about it. where would that get me?

a sense of global community?

a feeling of gratitude for everyone else that supplies me with the components i need to make my life the way it is now?

if i didn’t get these things, would my life be different?

probably.

would i be a different person?

maybe.

could i know either way since i could only have one frame of reference?

nope.

so what’s a fella to do?

live in this vicious cycle until i’m forced to change, it doesn’t matter one way or the other, i’ll live how i have to, because more often than not, i won’t have a choice.

man, it’s hard not to sound ignorant.

long time, no see, blogger.

i rarley have any time to myself these days, let alone a desire to write wqhen i do have free time. i guess i don’t really have anything that outrageous to throw down, or anything that’s bothering me.

i mean, who wants to read about my boring life, especially when there’s nothing really out of the ordinary going on?

i did get hit by a car today while i was riding to work though, that dumb asshole. i didn’t get hit, he just pulled out in front of me and i ran into him. i didn’t hurt my self or my bike though, but damn that guy was an asshole.

whatever though, people are stupid i know this, and i can move on with my life, but that guy will always be a dumb motherfucker.

i realize as i look at this now, i don’t really swear a whole lot in my blog. maybe i do, and i just don’t notice it, but i tend to normally steer away from swearing because it dumbs things down too much. it’s easy to fill in voids of speech with explatives. they mean so muc, and have so many interpretations to them, that you can always sum up something by saying “that fucking shit over there” or something like that. i mean when you think about it, to get through a normal day in your life, you probably don’t use more than a thousand words or something. i bet it’s more than that but i know whatever it is, it would seem rediculously low, considering how much communicating and talking you do throughout the day.

the death of language is hopefully inevitable, but i might as well try and be eloquent while i can.

it’s saturday night, and i’m waiting in the library to study some biochemistry. what the hell. i haven’t studied on a saturday night in years, and i’m not terribly pleased about it. i gotta do all this extra work, cause our teacher isn’t clear on assignments (“just do every problem you can get your hands on, in the back of the book and in the workbook”) and her damn lectures giving me no direction, and her office hours giving me no direction. iat least school keeps me on my toes i suppose.

it’s kinda nice to have a job along with school. i mean, as long as the job is slack, and you don’t have to spend ALL your free time at it (just like 30 hours a week or something) then really, it’s fine. i find it hard to spend just one day a week sitting around doing nothing, i normally get bored really fast, and all the stuff i build up during the week to do (like watching anime, or playing vids) just kinda fizzles out after 2 hours or so, and i feel like i need to do something productive, yet not school related.

basically i’m too pragmatic for my own good. dammit, oh well, i’m cool and i know it.

what do i got going on upstairs right now. i mean i haven’t really had any deep thought time in the past couple months or so. i wonder if it’s because i have no time to sit down with someone and chat. i always seem to miss my roomates, but i suppose i’m gone a whole lot too. school is a job, and work is a time commitment. there’s a big difference between the two.

basically, the only thing that’s wrong with my life right now is that i have a biochemistry test on wednesday that i am cluless about, and my damn left hand just seems like it won’t ever get better.

and if that’s all there is, that’s pretty damn awesome