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media is an amazing thing, be it books, movies, film, whatever. it is something that can profoundly affect the way that you think, the way that you look at things, and the way you do things. because i know that i myself get stuck in patterns of thought. thinking outside of the box all the time is hard, because you go from day to day expecting the same things, and you learn how to deal with them. when all you do is encounter the same routines, the same ideas, the same people, it’s hard to think outside of it because there isn’t really a necesity to do anything else otherwise. outside sources of information can help you see things from different angles though. as much as i’d like to believe it (and i’m still not sure about this) everything isn’t black and white. actually, when i think about it, i take that back. everything IS black and white. everyone has a different idea of black and white though, so all these conflicting ideas become a jumble until it becomes grey.

so this grey is what makes up most of the ideas in our society, because an issue that is too far to one side is extreme. extremes are unpreferred, but sometimes necesary i suppose. how else would the world be the way that it is right now without some extremes to guide us towards a happy medium?

bah, i’m just talking out of my ass now, using this online medium as a place to collect my thoughts (which happens from time to time). i guess i could write these in a journal or something, but my typing speed is much better than my writing speed so this is easier to formulate ideas with. i could just type in some word document or something i suppose as well (i’d have to turn off auto spell checker to keep from going insane, and make sure i could access it from any computer as well) but i suppose i want to put this out there for whoever wants to read it. if my thought are interesting to you, then by all means keep reading. if not, then don’t. i don’t expect feedback from what i’m typing on this page, so it’s not so much direct ego stroking as it is indirect. i don’t know what draws me to blogger, but i keep coming back when i need to think things out by writing them down. call me a child of the digital age, with too much going on to sit down and write things out on paper, maybe add some personal touches of my own to it to make it mine. i just do this i think to get it down somehow, because if i can’t get it off my mind now, then in most instances, i’m gonna lose interest. my attention span is short and when my feelings induce my thoughts, there better be something right there to throw them down, otherwise they’ll probably be lost forever, because my mood is going to change about an hour after its conception.

and it’s unfortunate i suppose that i am the way i am, but there’s no helping that in any quick cut and paste way.

it’s funny because i sat down to talk about my media experience over the weekend and ended up talking about myself….guess it’s kinda funny how one ends up doing that in the end 🙂

i also think it’s funny that i accidently put a between my and self, and it just seems fitting.

but anyways, i was mostly influenced by a couple of movies i sat down to watch for the past couple of days including roger and me, and bowling for columbine, both done by michael moore. i think that he shows a pretty one sided story of what he’s trying to prove, but at least it’s something different. he’s an asshole, but sometimes it’s necesary to get things done. i also saw confessions of a dangerous mind which was just a crazy, ambitious project to pull off that went over very well for me. but the really great one this weekend was lost in translation, which i felt was a cinematic masterpiece. the color, the lighting, the shots, the actors, the music all came together to create a wonderful story about two people who connect on an intellectual level (bill murray and scarlett johansen) in a place that is odd to them (japan). i really doubt any other movie this year is going to stack up against it, but i do like to be surprised.

but i hate to cut my train of though off at the station, but i have to cook food and attend to other real life sitations and stuff

*pop*

back to reality

yo, this shizzle is on fo realz now foo.

one more month down the drain, and the school is steadily approaching. excited to be able to finally do shit i enjoy, and yet wary because living right now is like living in a dream like state. days and weeks blur together and there isn’t really any time frame, only events that have happened this summer. which isn’t a bad thing at all. auto pilot is very nice, and very little thought is required.

and in that sense i don’t really have much to talk about. i mean i haven’t really been activly thinking and hence i don’t have anything deep and thought provoking to lay down here. the mere fact that i keep reading this summer is the only thing that keeps me verbose. on that note, if anyone of ya’ll reading this hasn’t even thought of the chronicles of narnia since like 3rd grade (much like myself) it’s an awesome read. despite the heavily lain into themes of god (it is C.S. Lewis, of course) it’s just like reading harry potter. it’s light, easy, and goes at a good pace. there’s my plug for the evening, thank you very much.

so basically mall society is one of the funniest things ever. everyone who is there is pretty much a part of a living breathing organisim. the movie theater is like a seperate cell of the mall, but if you wander in a little bit you see the grittiness. you see high school girls all skanked out and you see all the little high school guys all thugged out. these two types do complicated ritualistic dance of mating (apparently kids are pretty much having sex as soon as they get to junior high) but there’s all sort6s of lewd remarks made about various body parts by the guys, followed by mindless giggling from the girls. i see this all the time when i’m in front of the mall cause i can’t stand to really be inside in the mall anymore than i have too, especially now that the weather is nice. but shit, sitting around the front, you see all the homies rolling by, blasting the latest hit from fifty cent or p diddy, or some other terrible rapper, and all sorts of 14 years olds sitting out front talking about the stuff they stole from the bon, and how they need to sell that shit so they can get some beer and get fucked up, and then fuck some hos.

this is just scratching the surface, i really think i need to do an in depth research project about the mall society, i mean mallrats is a fine representation, but it glorifies it. it’s time to get to the seedy underbelly of the matter, with no holds barred. adam and i were sitting out front a couple of days ago, and he made a comment to some effect of “man, imagine if i was fighting overseas and dying….for this.” and that was one of the funniest things i had heard in awhile. our country is just so incredibly rediculous, that i feel honored to be a part of it. the mall is a ghetto, an uirban sprawl of the worst parts of consumer life, all packed into 4 or 5 acres of pavement. it’s funny because it’s exactly what we’re preserving, not our rights or freedom in a way we want to express them, but as a way to live our lives of luxury. granted not everyone has it as easy as i do in this world (and i think i have it damn easy) i mean, i got all my limbs, i never want for anything i need to survive, i have family and friends, and i’m the healthiest i’ve ever been. no shit i’m lucky, and damn happy about it. but i mean, people fighting overseas aren’t fighting to preserve the ghetto, they’re fighting to preserve my upper middle class lifestyle. and i don’t deserve it, and that black hole of americana (the mall) sure as hell doesn’t either. but when it comes down to arbitrary arguments, who really does? i don’t deserve to be protected by other people, just as they don’t deserve to be protected by me. but it’s what holds this country (and the world i suppose) together. everyone has to band together to stay alive and produce the lifestyle that some people live in. not everyone can enjoy it, but i’m sure as hell not going to take it for granted. i love my life beacuse i am alive, and well, and that’s all i can ask for right?

hahaha, speaking of living, it’s time to take my bike out and go hardcore with my friends, and i know it will be rad

ok, so there’s a tie limit on this one, i gotta get a pizza eventually, so i figure i’ll cut myself off from the blogger before i get to drunk, belligerent, preachy, etc. i don’t know, i think alot of this page seems preachy, but basically, it’s unavoidable if you want to talk about your ideas.

i think that it’s funny how reality TV has taken over the airwaves. all of the shows i pay the most attention to are mostly reality shows. i totally agree with ben that TV is a god in our society. without TV, i wouldn’t be able to relax my brain in the way that i’ve learned and grown accostmed to. i wouldn’t have reality TV. i wouldn’t have movies. i wouldn’t have video games. i wouldn’t have anime. good god, it’s sad, but alot of my knowledge or reflexes come from these sources. and i truly think that alot of peoples knowledge comes from these sources. the fact that we have broadcasting and the internet and all these instantanious sources of information can definatly shape a society.

i mean, remember back in elementary school where you would research projects and papers with encyclopedias and the library? i haven’t looked at a set of encyclopedias for probably a decade because of the internet. i mean, the internet happened so suddenly. first you start with BBSes and then you move on to getting the internet from AOL, and then you just haev the straight connection where you can do what you want. the internet is a drug in this sense. i mean, without this shit, i wouldn’t be able to post my inane and arbitrary ideas for ya’ll to absorb. i could do it, but now i have the possibility of appealing to a broader audience. but, i’m not doing it drectly. most of the time i really think that ben and i are just having blog dialouges with eachother, but since it’s in a public place, everyone is privvy to it. we ‘re doing this for ourselves, but anyone who wants to peep in is more than welcome to do so.

we put our ideas on display, and i feel kind of arrogant talking for ben and everything, but i bet i’m not far off by saying that all our ideas are chock full of stupid. i’m absolutly sure that i am chock full of stupid, and i’m sure ben thinks along the same line. everything is so arbitrary, it’s just stupid. but that’s what makes it great. you can scream about stupid stuff and feel important, since it’s arbitrary. it’s important to me, so i should emphasize its importance. i love it.

i’m stupid, i have stupid ideas, i get stupid all the time, and i think this is appropriate.

and i burned my pizza a little bit anyways.

i’m a moron 🙂

basically, not a whole lot of epiphanies in the past couple of weeks or so.

the more i interact with people, the more that they amaze me. i interact with friends, acquaintanceses, strangers, and they all have their quirks. the closer you get though, the more quirks there are. the more you have to deal with. the more you have to probably placate. there’s nothing wrong with this, i suppose. i feel that the more i interact with people, the more i have to placate them. there are of course, people that don’t need any of this, and these people have my utmost respect. they live their life and form their ideas in the way that they want to, and more or less don’t care about what others think about it. but many of the people i interact with, want to be babied. they want to be told what they want to hear, and most times, it doesn’t even matter what i say, they’ll still hear what they want to.

and i say, good for them, obviously they have thing much better figured out than the rest of us, and know exactly what they are doing. since they have everything so figured out (to a T) it is their duty to enlighten the rest of us. obviously some are more successful than others (jesus) and the fact that your ideas should only serve yourself is unacceptable. to validate your ideas, ideals, and convictions, they need to be approved of by others. the more people the better. the more people you have to back up your ideals, the more valid they become. if i only have 100 people believing in the way i think,i will be crushed by someone who has 1000 people believing in what they think. social darwinisim takes its course and i am devoured. as i should, since i am the weaker link, the less adaptable, the least contributing member of society.

i’m not contributing anything to the masses. i wonder if i should be eliminated? it only seems logica, since i’m not contributing anythign to the wholel. nothing that is terribly consequential, anyways. maybe i’ll contribute somethign consequential eventually, but it’s still so arbitrary, that it will still be up to other people whether or not i contributed anything. i should either stop contributing to anyone but myself (which i feel like i’ve been doing, but i’m feeling like i’m not that selfish) or just pull myself out of the gene pool (which sure as hell isn’t going to happen voluntarily). so, damned if i do, damned if i don’t. but that would also infer that i cared about anyone, or anyone cared about me.i care about people, i know that i do, but i can’t be sure people care about me. i mean, i get a pretty solid idea that people like me, but it ain’t as rock solid as my own convictions. which doesn’t make them any less important, just less concrete to me.

i’m not angry i suppose, nor bitter, or esoteric. more than anything, i’m just plain old pragmatic. i’ve always been pragmatic, and i walways will be, as far as i can tell. in a way, it’s a heartless way to live, and it definatly can be. that doesn’t mean it has to be though. i guess i’m trying to apply my pragmatic side to a arbitrarily caring society, and it’s hard to make the two mesh. i don’t even know if it’s possible. mostly i see people just making complete comprimises and just giving up trying to make two opposing ideas connect, and just keeping the two seperate, and knowing how to act in this situation and how to act in this one. yeah, this sounds like oversimplifying to me as well, but i just can’t see a total pragmatist surviving in this society without a comprimise of character.

hmmmmm….maybe that’s why i feel so bitter all the time, i have to comprimise my character to hang around with others. it’s an interesting proposal….i’m not even sure if i do comprimise it when i think about it, but i really think that i do it all the time. if i didn’t comprimise it, it would lead to more strife, and conflict, because when character comes into play, people have to defend it to the very core of what they are, because it shapes so much of what or who they are. also if i didn’t comprimise my character, i would have nothing to complain about, because i would always be me, no matter what. since i’m not me, and often act as a pretend me to fit in with other people, cliches, groups, etc., it leaves me with somethign to be bitter about because i have to pretend when i don’t want to, and would prefer not to. but i do anyways to make things easier.

i think this makes me weak. i really should be able to confront strife and realize that i’m not going to be compatable with everyone. and i know that i’m not going to be compatable with everyone, it’s just that i can’t bring all the people that i connect with the best and crowd them into “Ryantown” because more often than not, they wouldn’t connect with everyone there like i would, and things just aren’t like that. if you’re gonna live somewhere there’s going to be people you don’t like, people who don’t agree with your views, people who openly don’t like you. if you want to lash out, it’s cool, if you want to ignore it, that’s fine as well. the biggest misconception that most people i meet have is that they are out of control. i mean, something like your brother being hit by a bus is out of your control. but the way you react and shape yourself accordingly is in your control. most people i meet think that both are out of their control though. like the fact that your brother got hit by a bus leads to only one possible conclusion…one possible way for you to react to it that is completley out of your control….yet in reality (mine anyways) you chose to do it that way, and there were multiple choices for you to make, and yet you settled on one.

hahahaha, that reminds me alot of beign frivolous because alot of people focus on one choice, when there are probably more than just one. why choose one, when they’re all valid? i suppose the fact that some choices contradict one another keeps people from going all out and choosing nothing. i kinda think that choosing nothing is as bad as choosing one thing. it’s the fact that you dead set yourself in one choice, one reason, one possibility for anything.

don’t limit yourself to one choice, because you’re only limiting yourself at that point. (god, it’s funny that it sounds so damn cheesy, and yet so frivolous at the same time….perhaps it was the build up)

but i guess basically, the point i want to make is that just because you have come to a rock-solid conclusion (in your mind) doesn’t mean others have the same convictions. and yet when i talk to people (other than my friends….and sometimes them i suppose) i get the distinct impression that they’re trying to tell me what i think is wrong, and why i should take their line of thought. sigh….i guess it’s always gonna be like this.

i guess it doesn’t have to be though, i’m not smart enough to think outside of the patterns i live in, but i hope there is someone out there who can truly point me the way out of the box.

maybe ben and i will be the crusaders and i don’t yet know about it, because i’m too humble to notice ( and can’t tell the future 🙂 )

maybe i’m full of shit and always will be

even if i am, at least i feel like i’m not full of it to me 🙂

I figure that i’ve been neglecting my actual blogger, but i guess most of the crazy ideas that i think of would go on frivolous, and i really think it’s kinda redundant to post things i’ve done on this page. when i just post about what happened, what’s happening, or what’s about to happen, i’m just going “Look at what i’ve done mommy, pay attention to me!”

i mean, granted, somethings are strange and out of the ordinary so they might deserve my time to post, but most of the time, i figure anyone who reads this is not going to care. i know i wouldn’t (and don’t when i go around perusing other blogs, no one really blogs these days anyways).

i can reccomend this to everyone though: if you have a large enough yard and 60 dollars laying around, get yourself a pool. our 10 foot diameter and 2 feet deep pool isn’t the largest thing, but it is by far the best investment we have made collectivly for this house. i think this even beats out the grill, for sheer mangling.

and i’m all about mangling.

ok, since blogger’s all new, they’re having server problems and whatnot, so i can’t join frivolty and post frivolous things

so since i can’t do it completley officially, i’ll have to do it psuedo efficiantly and do this on my blogger.

wild on E is one of the greatest shows on television. not only does it show you extremly frivolous “live for today” lifestyles, it glorifies them. everyone is having the time of their lives, romping around drunk but not too drunk, having promiscuous sex with whoever strikes their fancy, and everyone’s beautifu. these exotic people from all over the world congregate to have a wild orgy to the excess. and it’s on tv, and it’s beautiful. i mean, i should be able to join this party, all i need to do is get drunk, right? that and thousands of dollars i suppose, but man it would probably be great. all sorts of laying around and meeting random people under the influence of alcohol, and all sorts of shennanigans. if i went tothis trinidad place, i would have thousands of dollars and lots of bling so i could pimp it around the island, pimp dogg style with a video camera and a backpack full of blunts and carlo. i’d have a chalice with #1 in diamonds on it (filled with carlo of course) and a gaggle of local bikini beauties, or video camera hos if you will, to acompany me on my quick dip into debauchery. but who knows, maybe i could swing the living playboy style, from woman to woman…..sounds like alot of work though.

mama said knock you out….

i’m gonna knock you out…

ah, LL, you really do know how to rock the hizze.

god, the phone is ringing AGAIN, and again it was a telemarketer. “is michael p. brady there?” oh yeah, obviously you’re a family member or something.

i did one alittle earlier today which went like this:

Telemarketer Jackass: Is michael brady there?

Me: no……are you the bereaved?

TJ: huh? (either it took him by suprise, or they didn’t know what bereaved meant, i think it was the latter)

M: yes well, mike has displaced himself off this mortal coil, i’m very sorry

TJ: what?

M: i’m sorry if this comes as a shock to you, but michael patrick brady is dead, he swallowed an excessive amount of cum during the bukkake shoot, choked, and noone knew the hemlich manuver, so he tragically died. i’m terribly sorry if you were a good friend of his.

TJ: ummmmm…..

M: if you have a message for him then i will gladly pass it on for you though, i am known to be able to channel the spirits from time to time

TJ: ummmm…i’ll try calling back later

M i told you, he’s dead, if you want to give him a message, you’ll need to feed it through me.

TJ: *click*

nrmally, i don’t do that kind of thing, but beer, and about 7 other callers just like this telemarketer has been interupting my day of laziness, and eventually you get bitter and fed up. hell, maybe if i keep harassing them, they’ll stop harassing me. but godamn you mike, you’re the only person who gets telemarketing calls at this house. seriously, who puts down their real number when they’re signing up for a free can of rammers or something equally stupid.

back to work tomrrow…snicker….work, man this is a freakin vacation right now, earn som emoney to get by, save some for next school year, where i prepare to work my ass off in preparation of setting myself up for a career of some kind where i ultimatley do nothing but fill up the spare time in my life doing something i think is productive.

i’m past the point of fooling myself though, complacency is where it’s at. there’s definatly enough to keep me happy, despite how frivlous they may be.

speaking of frivolty, i can’t wait till ben’s frivolous site is up, there’s gonna be a whole conglomeration of non-ideas at that place, and it’s gonna be awesome

hey hey, had some fun on my “weekend” (monday/tuesday) and now it’s back to b’ham.it’s like two worlds i migrate between. seperate entities almost. hmmmm, maybe not that exteme, i pretty similar up here up here than down in seattle. the scenery m,akes the difference i suppose.

i feel bad for ben, i seem to have rubbed off on him, and he’s in a boot cause he hurt his ankle while being drunk. regardless, these things happen, but man, ethanol really makes things more accident prone. i need a full suit of armor when i go outand do things. otherwise, i will be perpetually injured. i mean, if i want to keep doing things.

i need a spare body. i can go out and do anything stupuid that i want, but as long as my conciousness remains, i can send it to my pre-made clone, ready to accept my conciousness a la the 6th day. or i need some ultra-realistic virtual reality, where i can spend all day bike riding, and feel dead tired in reality, with my brain fooling my body into thinking it actually did everything it virtually did. virtually, really, thin line of difference.

dammit….i waste my time, so it wastes me