Category Archives: Uncategorized

Witness

the more i witness, the more i am mystified. how do people carry themselves through this life?

i am privy to other people’s perspectives, though they may not know it. they subject me to it just by inviting me to join in their social events. i can’t help but draw conclusions and silently observe. what the hell else am i supposed to do when no one expects you to speak? be silent and fulfill your expectations, bitch. you’re old.
i can see the motivations behind wanting to scream at the youth, but am mystified by those who want to try and do so. i mean, you have to have perspective of how you felt when you were young, but apply that perspective now. you know listening is something that will come later…at this stage, living awesomely comes first. there’s this balance point of narcissism that becomes so much clearer once you get some scope of its depths and heights, and what both mean to you. so when does it lead to a stage where it become your obligation to spread what you think is practical wisdom? what frame of mind? i mean, for as long as i’ve known, it’s tough enough to get people to listen to music recommendations, let alone ideas. we’re all busy….but when you’re young, you have more time to be publicly awesome.
I know it’s nothing against me, it’s just the velocity of life. everyone feels busy these days, me included. what can i do but observe, reflect, and enjoy?

Mad Rad

shows like last night’s Mad Rad extravaganza only come along once in awhile. it’s not often you get to mosh at a hip-hop show, but it happens when it’s appropriate. my face is still rocked, macklemore set it up, and those guys burned the fucking house down.

Are You OK With This?

occasionally, meaning amplifies itself. i’m struck by something i felt i’ve run into the ground, but all of the sudden, it has a different meaning. maybe not different per se, but more nuanced. i look at it, and think a little, and wonder why i never saw it like this before. then it gets cataloged, and maybe i come here and yak about it a little, mostly during times like these. you know who you are, times. other times it just slips away, and i’ll get reminded of it occasionally.

my whole damn life is a series of events like this, and there is no stopping it. there is an inevitability to being doomed to my patterns of thought for the rest of my life, so i better damn well be OK with it. so that question gets asked, constantly.

ARE YOU OK WITH THIS?

there’s a million different situations to apply this to, but most of the time, it leads back to a little voice that goes “sure, why not?”. this could just as easily lead to a response of “no, why?” which does happen. then you get all 4 year old on it and can ask why until your ears bleed.

but then you go and do something like ask why not. and it nips that little problem in the bud. why not? it’s tough to refute when it’s that subjective, so it gets shut down right there. you can question the validity of why not, think of some parameters where there might be a reason for the not to not be a valid idea, but overthinking it doesn’t refute it. it’s subjective!

subjectivity: a key component to sanity. get hip to it.

Memory

something i realized earlier today. this blog is awesome. if it wasn’t for this, my brain would be half its size, half full, or half developed. something along those lines. this blog keeps track of things my brain cannot.

thank you.

Get On With It

today would be a good day to blog. when you come into work on what’s supposed to be your day off, you feel a little not here when you are. it’s like “i’m here to help you out, so whatever i get done would be better than me not being here.” it’s not like i’m not working as hard as i usually do, it’s just that my mindframe is just a little checked out. it’s a fine balance between getting paid bank to be here, and the fact that i could be brewing today. today’s extra proceeds go towards my new brakes, and an ounce of hops. when i buy that ounce (or maybe two) of hops i’m gonna be staring at them and telling them “i earned you working on a monday” then both i and the hops will smile inwardly.

i was thinking about luck the other day, because i heard someone saying “if it wasn’t for bad luck, i’d have none at all” which is a funny little jibe at some self-deprecation, but it made me think about how i feel about my luck. i get pegged as a positive person, but i feel it comes from some deeply held cynicism that things could always be worse. so, since things could be worse at any given moment, there’s no reason not to be positive. that’s how i break it down anyways. but that’s how i look at luck, i chalk luck up to happening to be in a certain space or time while something happens to affect that space or time. in other words, random chance. as far as i’m concerned, random chance is my god. it dictates how my life proceeds. a fine balance between the measures i try and take to mitigate myself from harm, and preparation to ride the wave of chance when it’s going my way, if i feel like it.

so i guess that’s kinda the crux. oppertunities for good luck can be shied away from, or at least transferred to someone else, while bad luck is something you’re probably going to be stuck dealing with. that’s why i think people who lament about their bad luck probably want it anyways. if you didn’t have bad luck, you’d have none at all, and then where would you be as a person? random chance happens, and it gets dealt with. if you focus on whatever luck you have in everything from finding a soulmate to finding a parking spot for the movies, there’s your realm of scope. if this is the scope you are happy with, then kudos! if you want to change your scope, you will eventually, given enough time and pressure. living life takes care of itself, if you let it. i guess i consider myself lucky, but it’s more synonymous with being blessed and fortunate. i enjoy riding the waves when i feel like it, and bobbing around if i feel like it, i have these luxuries.

i suppose that’s why someone at some point said “luck is what you make of it.” too true. cliches exist for a reason, and that reason is that it’s a distilled idea with all of the meaning but none of the foundation that went in to building it. it exists as an idea with minimal force, unless you start throwing some weight behind it. even then, you’re only justifying it to yourself. so there you go self, a focal point for you to focus your scope on, put into way better terms than you could have coined. another idea accepted and cataloged, with some subjective ideas to justify them to your self and anyone else who may come asking questions. because really, you gotta be ready for the moment when opportunity meets preparedness…someone else at somepoint said that was what good luck is, but i don’t think i’m ready for that cliche yet. i’m more behind the one that 90% of life is just showing up. good luck or bad, neither is going to happen if you don’t put yourself in a space where random chance is more likely to occur.

more likely to occur…ha! good one. especially since you just equated random chance to being your god. good thing they let just anyone publish their ideas on the internet. In the end though, I am lucky to be able to write such novel and relevant things, and be a minute part of all this randomness. with some sense of self, no less.

lucky!

Where Are I?

ahhh, ideas…what can I say? all I can think is what choice do you have but to accept their burden? understatement, sure.

it is what it is. so it goes. such is life. ETC. capitalized for effect.
indeed. i must be going somewhere for some reason. it’s easier when there’s a beat. reasons for everything! it’s on you. the well is dry, i’m still drained of reflective thought after the orgy of generosity that is my christmas (all-around).
definitely not a bad thing, though.

Deja Vu

There’s been alot of talk about global warming lately, with the whole Copenhagen summit hullabaloo. I heard one story talking about he cost of fixing things now though, and it made me realize just how screwed we are. Not irrevocably screwed, more of a high cost screwed. I mean, we’re already pushing our borrowing limits with wars and economic recovery we can’t afford. Now we need to spend more money to get our greenhouse gasses in line? It’s probably not going to be a priority for some time, especially when there are more immediate problems like losing your house or being unemployed for over a year.

so it gets pushed back let’s conservatively say a decade, and eventually, we start spending some money establishing carbon tax credits, whatever we decide is best to try and get this in line. While we were trying to get our ducks in a row though, places with enormous populations like China and India were going through industrial revolutions of their own, doing whatever it took to keep their growth engine running. by the time we get enough programs and money into place the vicious cycle will already be going, with everyone spending money trying to prevent something, while they’re already spending other massive amounts of money due to all the damage that are being done. Islands aren’t going to sink under all the ocean rising, it will be more insidious, with things like more hurricanes, longer cold and hot streaks, more frequent droughts and floods, shifting rain patterns, and an acidified ocean that can support only a fraction of the life it once did.

so we get in our holding pattern of damage control, like it’s always been. lots of habitat is ruined, lots of people die, and everyone adjusts in an effort to stay alive. we come out in the end, for better or worse, and continue living (that’s the idea, anyways), because at least we can point and state what we think that is like. the earth goes around the sun a few million more times and eventually gets sucked into the sun, unceremoniously destroyed as it was created, as that extreme outlier on the bell curve of the universe.

yeah, i went there. oh no you didn’t!

but hey, why worry? you’re alive now, aren’t you? do a little here, a little there, do what makes you feel good. i’d like to think i’m a dangerous type of person convinced that global warming is real, but not caring enough to even go write my congressman, but that’s a crock. there’s no dangerous here, only the idea of it we create. am i a problem? most definitely, but that’s impossible to avoid. it’s tough to care so fervently about something that doesn’t even care if you exist, especially when you are surrounded by so much that actually has the capacity to love you for whatever you are. i guess the earth is the medium, but we are the message.

whatever message that is.

Marathon

ahh, the joy of living. the joy of being able to question what and who you are. the joy. it’s there, in everything. even the negative can be grabbed and twisted to show the joy it represents. one stems from the other, linked and bonded, just sitting there.

apparently, there is much to accomplish in this life. that’s what i hear from so many others. so sure, why not, i go out and accomplish a few things. i skate by on assumptions because they are widely held, and in some fashion, bought into by me. sometimes it feels like the right thing to do. sometimes it doesn’t. but what difference does it make if i feel it is better or worse in some fashion? some stuff happens, some stuff gets done, and i go along with it, trying to get my greasy fingers around the concept of myself and my role in this universe. i epitomize arbitrary and am loving it. i mean, isn’t it silly that one off-handed comment can ruin your day? or that a song can become a focal point of all the feelings you experience? that something as silly as crisp cold air can feel inspiring? how do you nail all this down?

i guess you don’t…that nailing it down would take alot away from it. it’s not that there is joy inherent in things that can’t change themselves, but joy in your ability to arbitrarily decide what joy is pulled from that unchanging object. again with the perception defining reality, defining self. here i am, ready to define. i like that.

i am very glad i ran that marathon. it’s basically the most spiritual part of my life, doing (what some people call) crazy endurance tests for my body. it punishes the body and makes it stronger, and frees the mind. i had and (still have) an overwhelming feeling of being able to do anything, of unbridled joy stemming from extreme elation and exhaustion, a pay off for all the miles i ran the previous months. there’s no way to describe it, it just makes me feel like i’m on good terms with my life, everything else be damned.

i can be who i want, when i want, and not have to justify it to anyone or anything, because it truly only matters to me. joy is inherent in all the choices of what i try and bring into my life, and i just have to pick it out.

so i guess i should just grab a bucket, head out to the u-pick patch, and fill it until it overflows.

daylight’s a wastin’.

Sensible

blurbs.

i just had a good warfish turn….nothing like a good warfish turn to bolster your mood. i must say, ben’s civil war map has always treated me well. the way i word that makes me feel like i’m talking about some vegas game. which brings me to the next natural point: why don’t me and all my friends make warfish games interesting by betting money on games? how would that change everything? i mean, “ranked games” translate easily into “skins games”. the whole medal system? jesus. I’ll let ben read this before i go shooting my mouth off. a very interesting proposition though, i would say.
on to more immediate things! coming home with a complete beer recipe and all your hardware cleaned is awesome. you walk in the door after finishing work, and turn on the burner, since you left your clean pot with 3 gallons of water on the stove with the lid on. that was a nice little treat. the carboy even has about 2.5 gallons of water that has been sitting capped up and wrapped in a towel outside in the concrete alcove. you clever bastard!
so some other quick tips that you think were clever and awesome while you were brewing. get the pot stirring in a good vortex while adding all the malt, then lean the end of the spoon on the edge of the pot and barley dip the tip of the spoon in about 2/3 of the way to the edge of the pot from the center, in the foam that comes from adding all that sugar all at once. it spins for about a minute, keeping it from boiling over. more tests needed, though.
pinning the grain and hop bag down in the pot by pushing in the middle of the bag with the spoon, then using the strings on the straining bag to tie the other end of the spoon to the pot handles, keeping the bag in the boil, without pinning it to the bottom of the pot. it does force you to untie the spoon to stir the pot up though, which will happen more often than you think. more tests needed.
simple chemistry hit me upside the head during this brew as well. although i hope to not be using liquid malt extract too far into the near future, there’s no reason while i’m using it now not to get it as hot as possible in the pan of warm water without melting the plastic, so that it won’t pull so much heat from the wort when i add it. i’m not sure how far to push the whole plastic melting thing on my own right now. more tests needed.
i feel like i should be doing this with every batch i brew (making sure i always remember to wash my hands when going from computer to beer). online blog journal thing, in my corner of the internet, why the hell not. ben, is there a reason there’s not a brewing link on the friv mainpage?
you know, when i think about it, is there a reason we aren’t somehow collaborating to make Friv Brew? create the beer to match our sensibilities? goods god, there’s a tag-line right there “the beer to match your sensibilities”. copyright friv enterprises!
my head is swimming with ideas. i’ll admit i’m tipsy, but an idea of this caliber probably wouldn’t have popped up otherwise, and dammit, this feels big. i’ll let my head simmer while i wait for ben to read this.