when it rains, it pours….

in organic chemistry lab today i went through this nice ordeal where i was trying to make this column chromotography thing where you had to snap the tip off of a pipet and this proved to be quite the adventure. during round one, i just tried to break it off carefully, and the thign just blew up, like all of it. i’m glad i was wearing goggles, because otherwise i probably would have had glass in my eyes. although that might have been humoroous, it probably would have been overall painful for me. on the second attempt i tried scoring hte glass with my knife on my keys, and when i snapped that off, it snapped, but not very cleanly at all, so when i went to inspect it, i noticed a huge drop of blood come off of my thumb, and splatter ont he ground. this little nick in the joint of my thumb doesn’t even have a scab on it, but it gushed blood for like 2 minutes, and slowed to a trickle for another 5. damn blood thinners, making all these minor wounds way worse than they should be. i really feel sorry for hemophelliacs now, blood clotting is one of those great things our body designed. so anyways, i finally finished it on the third try, and there was much rejoycing.

ok, so i know all these chem people are smart and everything, so why are they so exact in their measurments of things that don’t matter. i went up to the scale to weigh out this alumina stuff for the said pipet above, and the manual said to get 1.25 g of the stuff. so i sit there behind 5 other people, since there’s only 2 scales, and they all weigh their stuff out like a .001 gram difference is going to mean anything. spoon some in, spoon some out, spoon a little more in, spoon more out…closer, closer, wait for it….allright, now! i mean, there are probably a bunch of people in there that are much smarter than i am, can’t they look at the experiment and determine which values are important, and which are just there as guidelines? i mean you don’t want to be too far off from what they suggest, cause it might cause the reaction to either happen too much or not happen, but if you’re off by like .05 or something, you make sure that you account for it in your calculations and you’re cool. so are these people just anal and they have to get things right? or am i just a lazy bastard? hmmm….probably both.

when i was walkign around red square today, i made up a little game. when you look all around red square, there are preened freshman, and probably sophmores, all over the place. they’re unmistakeable by their coats that aren’t doing a thing to keep them warm or dry, but they look nice. and they also look like they spent and hour before sauntering up to campus. anyways, you know these girls are going to smell as soon as you walk by them, or walk downwind, in their line of fire. so i wandered around for like the 10 minute period where everyone gets out of class, but i didn’t have a class to go to, and i wandered around trying to guess what they would smell like just by looking at their appearence. it was surprisingly hard, i mean i couldn’t identify half of the perfumy stuff they wore, but most of it was the smelly shampoo and other various creams they douse themselves in. lots of peach and strawberry stuff, i noticed taht. i think the funniest one was one of the few i guessed right where i saw this 5 foot, size 0, busty blond in capri pants and a tight ass hoody sweatshirt (of course with her arms crossed to accentuate the boobage) and i just thought “malibu blast” and as soon as she passed she had this balmy coconut smell with some other various freshness things in there. it was exactly what i would have expected froma malibu blast.

man, this weekend ruled, not only did i get to hang around with great co-workers and get blasted, but i got to slip into a catatonic state and hang around at ben’s for the rest of the weekend. going to dad’s in fremont was great, i mean all the beer is hella expensive, but it was worthit i thought, and hanging around with people where you can just show up after not seeing them for a few months and just pick up where things left off is cool. last week i had a couple of tests and some more time intensive labs. i got sick the night i had to hardcore study too, so i wasn’t too happy (hence the lack of blogging).

but yeah, i read ben’s blog earlier and i was just smiling as i read it. i mean, this is solid gold stuff here people:

“i know what i know, but i know that i don’t know everything. but, as little as i trust myself to make the right decision, i trust other people less than myself.”

trust is one of the wackier things that we’ve been privvy to in our society. i mean, you pretty much have to. if you say you don’t have faith in anything, then you pretty much are a liar. i mean, if you go outside, you trust that people walking by aren’t goign to stab you, or when you drive that people are going to know how they are driving. you just have faith in this stuff, because it makes things easier. if you didn’t trust anyone or anything, it would make living rather difficult. so you find a median in where to trust people, and where not to, like selective trust. but when people ask me for my opinion on something the first thing i wonder is “do you really care what i think?” because when people try to express opinions to me most of the time, i don’t care because the things people have as opinions are arbitrary anyways, as i know a good deal of my thinking is very, very arbitrary.

but i read ben’s spiel, and it made me smile. i don’t know how or when it happened, but ben and i are like cards from the same deck. he’s the only person i could point to right now and say “he’s on the same level as me”. i mean sure, we’re still different in alot of ways (i’m not just saying this to exault myself up to ben-like status) but the fundamentas are there. and i just know that if i wasn’t in school right now, i would be doing the exact same thing as him. hell, i’d probably be living with him and matt.

so now i reach the point in my ngiht where it’s pretty much to late to do anything productive. can’t start anything, cause it’s too late, dammit i can’t believe i have to go back to school already tomorrow. and yet without it, what would i be doing? probably complaining about how bored i was. damned if i do, damned if i don’t…

ahhhh, 4 day weekend…i’m gonna study soon for a bit, but i think i need to blog or soemthing first. friday nigth was a total blur. we just got trashed and ended up going to see the 25th hour. now granted, i didn’t know anything about this movie goign in, and damned if i really remember what was going on, except for the fact that edward norton was going to jail, and he had to make amends before his 7 year stretch. it wasn’t a bad movie, but at the same time, i’m glad i got in for free…cause i mean, spike lee is great and everything, but i wasn’t impressed with his past few movies (he got game, summer of sam) and this one just kinda fell into the same kinda over use of flashy cinematography, with the weight of the movie beign carried on a capable actor.

anyways, the real entertainign part of this movie was that we were getting trashed the entire movie, and we were all more than a little loud i think. with a paper bag full of popcorn, and our comments and crap, we must have been annoying…awesome… but yeah, when i got out of there i could barley stand, like i had to really focus to move. when you sit in place for 2 hours sipping on a flask, and then you get up, it’s really pretty disorienting, that and the blood thinners…always with the blood thinners…

two tests this week, both on friday….man, i hate days where you have two tests. on the plus side though, once i do these tests, i’ll be golden for the weekend (ie. nothing to worry about, at all)

anyways, playing some colin mcrae now…

good lord, after a day of biology labs, organic chemistry seminars, and physics labs, i can come home and feel like drained and like shit.

then i come home and play spaceboy, i smile from ear to ear, and suddenly it’s like the day didn’t even happen.

initial d is amazing.

ok, it’s official, like i can stamp it on my ass now, i’m addicted to anime.

i am now joining the millions of others who discovered their beauty earlier, and now i’m just fiending. like right now, i have this whole series called “chobits” i won’t bore you with the details of the show, only my dilemma. i have all of the episodes downloaded….except 11, and i’ve watched up to 10 in the past few nights. now i’m gonna have to postpone the story if i don’t download it tonight, which doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen. this is funny to me, cause it’s pissing me off so much.

am i dork? hell fuckin yeah i am,. if this kind of stuff makes me a dork, then i am full-fledged and bonafied, because it’s the greatest stuff ever, and i can’t get enough.

i’m sure there’s about a dozen or hundred other things that make me a dork though.

so anyways, i wanted to talk about the weekend, but really, i gotta get back to homework, today’s the only day where i’m not too wasted from class and labs to get all this shit done….stupid prelabs….ah well, as long as i get it done, it’s not that big of a deal, i don’t have much else to do during the day that’s productive anyways, might as well learn i suppose….

but instead i sat here for 20 minutes trying my best to get chobits 11….

i’m so rad

bliznog to the hiznog, here i spout for with wisdom that eludes even me.

for you see, i am merley a vessel of radness. there is nothing, only rad. it constitues my being, and my self. seeing that i exude this much radness, it only makes sense to make the claim that i am rad.

and that is rad.

god lord, makin’ no sense, hit head on desk, turn around, fall and get back up. in no particular order.

last weekend was pretty awesome, friday night we went out for matty’s birthday and we mangled air hockey for like 3 hours or something. met this guy mark, think he’s in my organic chem class, i’ll have to see, but anyways, i walk into the bathroom and he’s peeing and there’s a one dollar bill in there. i ask him if he’s gonna take it and he says he’s been eyein’ it but probably won’t go through with it. so he leaves, and i pee all over it, and then proceed to pick it up and rinse it in the sink. after i waved it all around to dry it off, i of course sprayed all this water everywhere, including myself. i was fairly drunk at the time though, so it wasn’t that bad i think. but yeah, i told that guy mark when i came out and him and all his buddies were just like “hell yeah!” so we yelled about it for a little bit, and then i wandered back over to the air hockey table, and like 2 minutes later, those guys i just met lead the bar in a rousing chours of “you’ve lost that lvoing feeling”. everyone got into it, so it was pretty funny.

went to bars after that, got drunk, lost aloot at pool, and then went over to troy’s to rock out to breaks. it was great.

last night, went to our friend’s sam an jilene’s house, which is basically a palace, what with their swimming pool, jacuzzi, and huge expansive house, for the same price we’re payin. bah, anyways, i hadn’t seen these guys in months, but once the beer starts flowin, things get less socially awkward, and people really start not giving a fuck. at one point, we were sitting on the couch, watching saturday night live, and i think i was 4 beers in, which is like 7 or 8 with these blood thinners, and a fake commercial for fox’s newest reality show, which is just like joe millionaire with a twist, he’s a serial rapist. Joe Not-A-Rapist. i think almost all of us died from laughter at that one. i don’t know when it happened, but SNL has gotten alot more belligerent these days. guess they’re grasping for straws….

but after we were there for a bit, we cruised over to another house party being thrown by our friend evan, where people such as chris, and other people we knew were there, so it was a nice little gathering of people who knew each other. his house is rad though, he lives right downtown, right above a harley dealership, it’s pretty great, they have an awesome view of the bus terminal from their back porch/roof thingie.

so i mangled the house and homework today, and now i guess its time to go to sleep…and go to school….

Knowledge Is My Reward!

ok, so i get home from drinking at 12:45 and everyone’s asleep, what the hell?

i get home, i crack open a busch ice. yes, i am drinking busch ice voluntarily. mostl;y because i am drunk, but i have a feeling i would be doing so anyways.

so yeah, since this is my first blog since school started i guess i should say something about that. pretty much, this quarter of school is going to ruin me. and not in the usual way. but i think this quarter will be bad, but next quarter will be worse. maybe. i mean, 4 days of school a week, i’m there past 6. and i get there at 9 or 10. but when i think about it, it probably beats a full time job. ben told me that he was at a staff meeting for 9 hours. jeez, what a waste of 9 hours. at least i’m learnign something.

air hockey is pretty much the greatest bar game ever. it’s simple, you can play it drunk, and it’s intense.

the past few days have been great. i don’t know what happened, but i have actually felt like talking to people latley,a nd have been enjoying it. this is pretty contrary to what i’ve been feeling latley. i kinda think i’m socially bi-polar, but i’m probably tryign to just blow things out of proportion. sometimes i fee like going out, and sometimes i don’t. i think alot of people are like this, so i’m probably not bi-polar, even remotley. i’m ryan, a human being who resides on the planet we call earth. i live here because i came to be, in one way or another. i came to be without me choosing to do so though. so since i didn’t choose to be here, i shouldn’t have to choose anything. anyhting i choose should be right, and if i go to far, then i can be punished accordingly. if i don’t, then it’s my business. mah businass, my biznassssssssss, stay the fuck up out of my buisnass mah biznassssssss, cause it’s mine all mine. truer words could not be spoken, evenif it was by ludicris.

in the meantime, it’s time to get my anime on. as soon as i get soem firewalls out of the way, ben and i will be unstoppable in our quest, at least this i can be sure of.

i was thinking about this earlier, but last quarter in bio, we talked about organisims only having so much so much energy per day to complete what it needs to complete. i can’t remember the exact rem, but it madde sense. i mean, you only have so much energy to accomplish what you need to accomplish, and what you want to accomplish. of course this is much simpler for animals, because they just have to subsist. but us humans have other goals that we set for ourselves, since we don’t really have to worry about supporting ourselves (like, we don’;t have to forage for food and such) i think that’s why i’ve been anti-social latley, because being social takes time. MY PRECIOUS TIME. time that cannot be replaced. time i would rather spend doing something i want to do, instead of trying to maintain acquaintences or sometghing else that takes way more time than i wish to spend. becaus3e, i’m realizing my time is very, very valuable, somethign that cannot be replaced.

so i should be able to do anythign i want with it, right?

slowly i get drawn in, but i can already feel the pull…

of course, i talk of anime in this sense. i’ve never really watched it before, but the more i watch, the better it is. every series i watch just has some great aspect abou tit, and it’s easy to get sucked in. i don’t know how to explain it, it’s just awesome. the drawing styles, the music, the stories, they’re all absolutly rediculous. and the fact that everything is so rediculous i think is what lures me to them. rediculouscity. more and more, i am drawn to the rediculous. and the more and more i look at anything, the more rediculous it seems. at least there’s one thing that i can say about life, everything about it is rediculous. living organisims are rediculous things in themselves, but living organisims aware of themselves? who the hell’s in charge of this shit anyways?

Ryan’s Psuedo-Science Corner:

as i sat down to dinner tonight, i had a fabulous thai meal that my dad had made. and god it was good, like really good. and i was just thinking about how some food could taste so much better to usthan others. and what kind of purpose we could possibly have for being able to differentiate between them. it sent me down the path that it has to be something related to the enrgy content of the food. since your body is just looking for the most energy it can get and hold on to, you would want to eat more things that taste good so that you’ll have more energy later. (i think this is kinda along the lines of why sex is so great, cause if it felt like your dick was getting hit by a hammer everytime you came, you aren’t going to do it that often.) but then i thought about the fact that that might not be true because technically, most fatty things and meats are like secondary or tertiary products in the scheme of consumers, so technically they shouldn’t have as much useable energy (that’s why you always hear hippies talking about how if we turned all the pasturelands in the world to croplands, we could feed the earth. what the hippies don’t realize is that we live in a real world.) so where does this leave me? i still think it has something to do with energy content, but there must be certain types that are more beneficial than others, hence the good taste. although i still have contradictory explanations for the same problem. if i had more drive i could probably find out the exact answer right now, but i figure i’ll learn it eventually, and there’s no real pressing reason to know this right now. it’s just fun to think about things scientifically, even if you are pulling everything out of your ass. hahaha, i’m gonna go throw a title at the top of this, as an after thought. i could probably write alot of pseudo-science corners.

i like that i could be completly off base about this claim i just made. like it could have to do with the tiny particles of goodness that gets sprinkled in them by mother nature or soemthing. i mean, shit, it’s just as valid a claim as mine. everything i type here could be contradictory to something else you may have heard me say at one time, or typed at another time. i probably contradict myself all the time , but i’m me so i can’t hear it. i wonder how many people have gone “uhhh right ryan, like a few days ago you were so on the other end.” it’s kinda funny, almost every conviction i’ve ever had has been altered or eradicated. i mean religion, that was a fun one to grow up with. caring needs to be handled with extreme caution, or an oblivity to life. love is a funny idea. all sorts of crap i may have believed in, has all been changed. i mean, if i’m gonna keep flip flopping all the time, what’s the point of having convictions, especially when i really haven’t had much chance to explore them all. eventually i’ll find some ideas that click with my chemical balancing, making my brain a fully functional gadget. not like it isn’t all fleeting and superfluous anyways. once humans reach any semblance of themselves and are able to take full advantage of their conciousness, they die anyways. yeah, it’s pretty anti-climactic, but it’s fitting when you think about it.

i read mike’s blog and i started thinking about drama, like is it really that bad? considering the society that we live in, if we couldn’t make a difficult situation for ourselves, what the hell would we do? struggle to survive? i know quite a few people who would be closed for business if they didn’t have drama. some people get caught up in drama and they say they don’t like it, but they cycle it, and others see it and get the hell out. but hell, if drama makes you happy, good for you, at least you’re pulling something out of the society that you live in. if it doesn’t make you happy, well, congratulations to you as well, because you’ve found something that suits you better, whatever it is.

i’d liek to give everyone a pat on the back, whoever’s reading this, because if you’re reading it, it means you haven’t died or committed suicide yet, which is your only real way out.

so my advice to everyone is: do whatever the hell you want, and have no regrets about it

hmmm, these chicken nuggets are actually allright when they’re undercooked. it’ll just mean that they’ll probably be squirting them out later or something.

having nothing to do is an interesting paradox. on one hand you remember how nice it is to not be responsible for anything. and yet being incredibly unproductive just makes me feel like a lazy sloth.

gonna get you….like a spaceboy…

even when you’ve anly slept for three hours and are extremly hungover, sledding is still awesome

no one sleep in tokyo….all night crossing the line…

so unmotivated, i don’t even feel like typing while i sit here although i was going to write down a bunch of stuff, cause i haven’t blogged in like a week. i just can’t force myself to right now, and for some reason i feel like punching a hole in the wall. for no reason. just that strange feeling through my body where i just need to smash something. for the sheer fact of just smashing it. i wonder why people feel like that.

i wonder why I feel like that.