phew, it really came down to the wire here, but…

RYAN HAS A JOBBIE!

working at a manufacturing plant. we take small nucleotides and piece them together, base by base making made-to-order oligonucleotides for people doing gene research. this is going to be a great oppertunity to learn some instrumentation and finally get some viable experience in the field i want to be a part of.

life is sweet.

ben folds tonight. haven’t really been the super fan i used to be. i’m listening to his new album for the first time here so that i know what his new stuff sounds like. and it’s not terrible. it doesn’t really smack of the energy he had when he was with darren and jesse. it just sounds like a continuation of rocking the suburbs, which i suppose it pretty much has to be. at least he’s got some of his jazz solos thrown in his songs again, i missed that. he still puts on a pretty good live show though and it’s at a winery, and there’s a weekend of possiblities ahead. mangling for manglings sake.

so they were testing the fire alarms this morning. if i had a job, i wouldn’t have even noticed. but they woke me up at 9, and the bell’s right out our window so it was a bit distracting. i guess they are meant to alarm you if there’s a fire present, and it certainly fits the bill.

it’s the weekend, but it’s pretty similar to the last two months.

so it ends soon, mayhaps it’s time to get a jobbie, i’ve got my fingers crossed…it’s ok, i’ve got a bag, japan 4

it’s been good reflection time though. time to sit back in glorious weather and enjoy everything i worked for most of my life to achieve, the life of blissful laziness. i feel like i can fulfill all those anxities that are purged through work through physical activity. reading is enough to satiate the mental side. all i need is a beach, spending alternating intervals of time lying on the beach warming up in the sun, and sloshing around in the ocean, cooling down. the pool is a pretty good substitue though. i have companionship in my girlfriend, family and friends. i have all of this and my health, so there doesn’t really seem like i need much more in my life. this is as good as it gets, and i’m probably going to have to wait until i’m 60 to enjoy it again with kids on their own, and retirment funds rolling in.

i guess it’s only been a month like this, but i feel more relaxed now than i have in a long time. no more pressure from parents to get out and succeed, because i’ve filled that requirement for them (mostly, it’ll never be enough, but hey, they’re my parents) i feel like i accomplished enough at school to feel like i pushed myself at least once in my life.the world of work is so much different from school, but it’s more subtle than you imagine, when you move from a field academically to a field that is still pretty academic, but more focused on making money.

i interviewed with a company yesterday where i talked to half the people on the staff, which was 3 people. it went really well, but if i get this job, it’ll be a whole different world. it’ll pretty much be like grad school, where everyone has to work, or everyone suffers. but i was barley asked any technical questions. there were a few, since i’ll be running a liquid chromatography machine and i need to at least have an idea of what i’m doing, but it really isn’t that important. by graduating from college, i’ve pretty much proved that i can academically handle things. for the twenty minutes to a half-hour i talked with each of these people, we bull shitted about biking, temp agencies, small and large work places, food, and weather. it’s about getting to know who you are and if you’re going to fit. it seems obvious when you state it, but going through it makes you realize that it doesn’t really matter so much what you know, it’s how you act. every job i’ve worked at has had those couple of people that just don’t fit in, but either they don’t realize they don’t or it’d be too hard to find a job elsewhere, and they stick around, much to the chagrin of everyone there. when you got over a couple dozen people working there the damage can be minimalized, but with a few people, it’s painfully obvious. i’d hate to hire people, it’d be too much of a crapshoot for me.

it’s hard to write these days. i just feel like i don’t have much to say because i’m kinda living in this exsistance mode, where all of my creature comforts are more than satiated, and growing is more passive than it is active. writing stems alot from emotion, and if the only emotion you’re really feeling is relaxed, there’s not enough strife to make for good writing. enough strife to make it worthwhile writing down anyways. these are thoughts mostly for me, somewhat for others, a mix of the two. i think what i really sdhould be writing in here is events but most of them seem so mundane as to not even want to put them down.

but these notes i write are supposed to be reminders of the things that i’ve done. but more and more it’s not events that matter to me, as defining as they may seem at times, but just states of mind. it’s impossible to define my state of mind at this point in time, i have to just write down genereal feelings and events and then string them together later. it doesn’t even create a clear picture, just a muddied feeling that i was different at one time, but not really. it just ends up being different filters i use to project myself to everyone and me. the filters become more lax over time, as coincidentally, things seem to matter less and less. the person that i know i am has come to grips with my current environemt, and has adapted accordingly.

but of course, concessions must (and will) be made.

funniest thing i’ve seen in awhile…

http://ap.lancasteronline.com/4/alarm_rage

i probably shouldn’t have ignored that little writing bug that appeared a couple of nights ago, where the thoughts were fresh in my mind, and ready to spill out, where i could organize them, before the percolated back through my brain matter to be dispersed where the original idea is still there, but all of the implications are not.

it was big, but it was something that was lost. could be found again at some point in time, but it’s not like there’s any hurry. i don’t really have anywhere to be. being blissfully unemployed for a bit is like having a summer vaation from school that doesn’t exsist. i think it might be working out that way because i happen to be unemployed during one of the northwests’ nicest hot streaks. it has been fun, but i feel that it’s about time to start making money again. getting low on funds, need to get back on the working track.

it’s funny though, i’ve had all this free time and haven’t written once. i guess being at work keeps me occupied, but forcing me to be someplace i don’t care if i’m there or not makes my mind wander more easily, because they don’t have the same things that are best at keeping me distracted. my place is a den of thin gs that keep me distracted and i kowtow to them on a daily basis.

i fill my apartment from distractions to keep me from thinking too much, i guess. but it’s not that i don’t want to think, i read regulary, and i enjoy getting a little charge out of stuff that may be thought provoking. it just feels like it doesn’t matter as much anymore, the unknown. it’s out there and you’re somewhere in the middle of it. trying to get your bearings without any tools is taxing, and making the tools is even more so. so you glide and it’s not that different from trying to use tools.

so you go with it.