i was at my grandfather’s house the other day, trying to get his VCR to work with recording which meant cycling through many menus on various pieces of hardware and lots of wire swapping. on one of the menus was the picture control, that i’ve seen a million times on almost any TV i’ve ever dealt with. but this time “contrast” jumped out at me. i don’t know why, but it seeded some thinking that i’m still turning over in my head, so come here and barf it out, right?

contrast gives me some boundaries in which to define my thoughts and ideas. most of my thoughts are spent comparing one thing to another, making imaginary lines of contrast in my reasoning. i just see it everywhere now, attacking all of my senses…sounds, sights, smells all looking to be ordered in my head, given a place compared to everything else. so i do it, what else do i have going on?

but i see it now, contrast in humanity. to what end though? that’s the part i’m having trouble with. i see it, but it doesn’t do anything. just a nifty little observation right now, but it feels like there should be something about it, something that will make me a better, more insightful person. if i can only single it out, create some contrast to other things…but how am i supposed to contrast contrast? is it such a central idea, so relative in nature that all i can do is point at it? what the hell do i mean anyways when i say “better, more insightful person”? arrrgh! why do i do anything?

surprise existential attack! merciless void, give me some meaning i don’t really want and wouldn’t know what to do with anyways! scream at the heavens all you want in this medium, accomplishing something and nothing, simultaneously. everything i do accomplishes something and nothing. you clever, clever boy. and what of it? allright enough dumping, think a little and make some thought out sentences, dummy.

it all boils down to being that kid, endlessly asking “why?” about anything said to them, even if there is no why, even if it’s not something that makes sense to ask “why?” to. asking why for why’s sake. a statement has been made, you might as well question it. so go ahead, question your life and it’s meaning. at least there’s some wiggle room. life would be much more frightening if there were a definitive (as opposed to subjective) point. it would be too concrete, and would just give people one more thing to be endlessly righteous about. i gotta admit, it’s tough being endlessly righteous about nothing, but i soldier on, i soldier on.

why?

because i can.

why?

it beats the alternative.

why?

the inevitable response: just because.