bliznog to the hiznog, here i spout for with wisdom that eludes even me.

for you see, i am merley a vessel of radness. there is nothing, only rad. it constitues my being, and my self. seeing that i exude this much radness, it only makes sense to make the claim that i am rad.

and that is rad.

god lord, makin’ no sense, hit head on desk, turn around, fall and get back up. in no particular order.

last weekend was pretty awesome, friday night we went out for matty’s birthday and we mangled air hockey for like 3 hours or something. met this guy mark, think he’s in my organic chem class, i’ll have to see, but anyways, i walk into the bathroom and he’s peeing and there’s a one dollar bill in there. i ask him if he’s gonna take it and he says he’s been eyein’ it but probably won’t go through with it. so he leaves, and i pee all over it, and then proceed to pick it up and rinse it in the sink. after i waved it all around to dry it off, i of course sprayed all this water everywhere, including myself. i was fairly drunk at the time though, so it wasn’t that bad i think. but yeah, i told that guy mark when i came out and him and all his buddies were just like “hell yeah!” so we yelled about it for a little bit, and then i wandered back over to the air hockey table, and like 2 minutes later, those guys i just met lead the bar in a rousing chours of “you’ve lost that lvoing feeling”. everyone got into it, so it was pretty funny.

went to bars after that, got drunk, lost aloot at pool, and then went over to troy’s to rock out to breaks. it was great.

last night, went to our friend’s sam an jilene’s house, which is basically a palace, what with their swimming pool, jacuzzi, and huge expansive house, for the same price we’re payin. bah, anyways, i hadn’t seen these guys in months, but once the beer starts flowin, things get less socially awkward, and people really start not giving a fuck. at one point, we were sitting on the couch, watching saturday night live, and i think i was 4 beers in, which is like 7 or 8 with these blood thinners, and a fake commercial for fox’s newest reality show, which is just like joe millionaire with a twist, he’s a serial rapist. Joe Not-A-Rapist. i think almost all of us died from laughter at that one. i don’t know when it happened, but SNL has gotten alot more belligerent these days. guess they’re grasping for straws….

but after we were there for a bit, we cruised over to another house party being thrown by our friend evan, where people such as chris, and other people we knew were there, so it was a nice little gathering of people who knew each other. his house is rad though, he lives right downtown, right above a harley dealership, it’s pretty great, they have an awesome view of the bus terminal from their back porch/roof thingie.

so i mangled the house and homework today, and now i guess its time to go to sleep…and go to school….

Knowledge Is My Reward!

ok, so i get home from drinking at 12:45 and everyone’s asleep, what the hell?

i get home, i crack open a busch ice. yes, i am drinking busch ice voluntarily. mostl;y because i am drunk, but i have a feeling i would be doing so anyways.

so yeah, since this is my first blog since school started i guess i should say something about that. pretty much, this quarter of school is going to ruin me. and not in the usual way. but i think this quarter will be bad, but next quarter will be worse. maybe. i mean, 4 days of school a week, i’m there past 6. and i get there at 9 or 10. but when i think about it, it probably beats a full time job. ben told me that he was at a staff meeting for 9 hours. jeez, what a waste of 9 hours. at least i’m learnign something.

air hockey is pretty much the greatest bar game ever. it’s simple, you can play it drunk, and it’s intense.

the past few days have been great. i don’t know what happened, but i have actually felt like talking to people latley,a nd have been enjoying it. this is pretty contrary to what i’ve been feeling latley. i kinda think i’m socially bi-polar, but i’m probably tryign to just blow things out of proportion. sometimes i fee like going out, and sometimes i don’t. i think alot of people are like this, so i’m probably not bi-polar, even remotley. i’m ryan, a human being who resides on the planet we call earth. i live here because i came to be, in one way or another. i came to be without me choosing to do so though. so since i didn’t choose to be here, i shouldn’t have to choose anything. anyhting i choose should be right, and if i go to far, then i can be punished accordingly. if i don’t, then it’s my business. mah businass, my biznassssssssss, stay the fuck up out of my buisnass mah biznassssssss, cause it’s mine all mine. truer words could not be spoken, evenif it was by ludicris.

in the meantime, it’s time to get my anime on. as soon as i get soem firewalls out of the way, ben and i will be unstoppable in our quest, at least this i can be sure of.

i was thinking about this earlier, but last quarter in bio, we talked about organisims only having so much so much energy per day to complete what it needs to complete. i can’t remember the exact rem, but it madde sense. i mean, you only have so much energy to accomplish what you need to accomplish, and what you want to accomplish. of course this is much simpler for animals, because they just have to subsist. but us humans have other goals that we set for ourselves, since we don’t really have to worry about supporting ourselves (like, we don’;t have to forage for food and such) i think that’s why i’ve been anti-social latley, because being social takes time. MY PRECIOUS TIME. time that cannot be replaced. time i would rather spend doing something i want to do, instead of trying to maintain acquaintences or sometghing else that takes way more time than i wish to spend. becaus3e, i’m realizing my time is very, very valuable, somethign that cannot be replaced.

so i should be able to do anythign i want with it, right?

slowly i get drawn in, but i can already feel the pull…

of course, i talk of anime in this sense. i’ve never really watched it before, but the more i watch, the better it is. every series i watch just has some great aspect abou tit, and it’s easy to get sucked in. i don’t know how to explain it, it’s just awesome. the drawing styles, the music, the stories, they’re all absolutly rediculous. and the fact that everything is so rediculous i think is what lures me to them. rediculouscity. more and more, i am drawn to the rediculous. and the more and more i look at anything, the more rediculous it seems. at least there’s one thing that i can say about life, everything about it is rediculous. living organisims are rediculous things in themselves, but living organisims aware of themselves? who the hell’s in charge of this shit anyways?

Ryan’s Psuedo-Science Corner:

as i sat down to dinner tonight, i had a fabulous thai meal that my dad had made. and god it was good, like really good. and i was just thinking about how some food could taste so much better to usthan others. and what kind of purpose we could possibly have for being able to differentiate between them. it sent me down the path that it has to be something related to the enrgy content of the food. since your body is just looking for the most energy it can get and hold on to, you would want to eat more things that taste good so that you’ll have more energy later. (i think this is kinda along the lines of why sex is so great, cause if it felt like your dick was getting hit by a hammer everytime you came, you aren’t going to do it that often.) but then i thought about the fact that that might not be true because technically, most fatty things and meats are like secondary or tertiary products in the scheme of consumers, so technically they shouldn’t have as much useable energy (that’s why you always hear hippies talking about how if we turned all the pasturelands in the world to croplands, we could feed the earth. what the hippies don’t realize is that we live in a real world.) so where does this leave me? i still think it has something to do with energy content, but there must be certain types that are more beneficial than others, hence the good taste. although i still have contradictory explanations for the same problem. if i had more drive i could probably find out the exact answer right now, but i figure i’ll learn it eventually, and there’s no real pressing reason to know this right now. it’s just fun to think about things scientifically, even if you are pulling everything out of your ass. hahaha, i’m gonna go throw a title at the top of this, as an after thought. i could probably write alot of pseudo-science corners.

i like that i could be completly off base about this claim i just made. like it could have to do with the tiny particles of goodness that gets sprinkled in them by mother nature or soemthing. i mean, shit, it’s just as valid a claim as mine. everything i type here could be contradictory to something else you may have heard me say at one time, or typed at another time. i probably contradict myself all the time , but i’m me so i can’t hear it. i wonder how many people have gone “uhhh right ryan, like a few days ago you were so on the other end.” it’s kinda funny, almost every conviction i’ve ever had has been altered or eradicated. i mean religion, that was a fun one to grow up with. caring needs to be handled with extreme caution, or an oblivity to life. love is a funny idea. all sorts of crap i may have believed in, has all been changed. i mean, if i’m gonna keep flip flopping all the time, what’s the point of having convictions, especially when i really haven’t had much chance to explore them all. eventually i’ll find some ideas that click with my chemical balancing, making my brain a fully functional gadget. not like it isn’t all fleeting and superfluous anyways. once humans reach any semblance of themselves and are able to take full advantage of their conciousness, they die anyways. yeah, it’s pretty anti-climactic, but it’s fitting when you think about it.

i read mike’s blog and i started thinking about drama, like is it really that bad? considering the society that we live in, if we couldn’t make a difficult situation for ourselves, what the hell would we do? struggle to survive? i know quite a few people who would be closed for business if they didn’t have drama. some people get caught up in drama and they say they don’t like it, but they cycle it, and others see it and get the hell out. but hell, if drama makes you happy, good for you, at least you’re pulling something out of the society that you live in. if it doesn’t make you happy, well, congratulations to you as well, because you’ve found something that suits you better, whatever it is.

i’d liek to give everyone a pat on the back, whoever’s reading this, because if you’re reading it, it means you haven’t died or committed suicide yet, which is your only real way out.

so my advice to everyone is: do whatever the hell you want, and have no regrets about it

hmmm, these chicken nuggets are actually allright when they’re undercooked. it’ll just mean that they’ll probably be squirting them out later or something.

having nothing to do is an interesting paradox. on one hand you remember how nice it is to not be responsible for anything. and yet being incredibly unproductive just makes me feel like a lazy sloth.

gonna get you….like a spaceboy…

even when you’ve anly slept for three hours and are extremly hungover, sledding is still awesome

no one sleep in tokyo….all night crossing the line…

so unmotivated, i don’t even feel like typing while i sit here although i was going to write down a bunch of stuff, cause i haven’t blogged in like a week. i just can’t force myself to right now, and for some reason i feel like punching a hole in the wall. for no reason. just that strange feeling through my body where i just need to smash something. for the sheer fact of just smashing it. i wonder why people feel like that.

i wonder why I feel like that.

rad. christmas is rad. all the family stuff went fine, and chilling is very good. chilling. eating. chilling. eating. in no particular order.

chill

eat

chill

eat.

break is rad.

ok, last night was just about one of the raddest nights ever. we went out to eat at la pinata, and we had these great margaritas, aptly dubberd “the cadillac of margaritas”. and those were just great. we then went to the calumet where we all got ritzy 6 dollar mixed drinks and sat around listening to the live jazz band they had there, and generally just shootin’ the breeze. we then came home, drank some more, and just had fun. adam and i went off for like 10 minutes with the PSS 170, where i was doing the melody half and adam was doing the bass line. played vids, chatted, sat around, it was totally rad.

wudar.

ok, so sitting around for the past two days has given me some time to take in some new media that i hadn’t seen before. first and foremost:

1. Golden Boy: An animated show (6 half hour episodes) where this guy rides around on his bike trying to learn things. he always ends up getting involved with some girl that doesn’t like him at first, but then once they see all the selfless thigns he’s done, they want his nuts. but by then he’s left, and it’s too late for them.

2. Initial D: a show about downhill racing in tokyo. the main character takumi is just this reluctant hero driver who is the greatest driver who ever lived (pretty much). he beats everyone despite handicaps and drives in a car that’s much older than everyone else’s. so the racing looks like gran turismo, but the story just rings of old kung fu movies where rival houses have different styles, and each is looking to prove they’re best. hahaha, there’s so much pride and honor at stake in that show, it’s awesome.

3. Lord of the rings:we were gonna leave at 10 or something. so we ended up doing that, i almost got everyone lost in seattle. but we get there, and the line is like a double horseshoe, like almost a cirlce of just people anywhere. all of us, more than slightly out of it wandered around looking for our friends we knew would be there. so we wandered but to no avail, but while milling about we wandered off to the entrance for a bit, and ran into people. people that had been waiting there since 4 or something. so we just yoinked ourselves in and were like, “that was rad”. so yeah we sat through the movie, and it was pretty sweet. i mean, the battles lived up to their hype. the dwarf was turned into comic relief. there is seriously something homo erotic about most of the scenes with sam and frodo. but still it was pretty and the treeants (those big walking trees) were well done.

and now due to this movie, i have now finally seen collin (my next door neighbor in redmond) for the first time in like 2 years. every time i tried to hang out with him, something came up ore something. so i saw him, and it was what i expected i suppose. rad. but i know he still exsists now.

4. Bad Company: Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins. at first they’re different. but then the black guy from the ghetto (chris rock) shows that he has all the potential to become as good as his twin brother was before he was shot. so in the end, chris and anthony put aside their differences, and chris saves the day. if you read this and it spoiled the movie for you, it doesn’t really matter, this is the most predictable movie ever. haven’t i seen this jerry bruckheimer film before?

5. y tu mama tambien: a well done movie. one of those thinker ones. definatly a very erotic drama, there was all sorts explicit talk, and man wang, and all sorts of full frontal nudity. but at most times it made you not even really notice it, cause you were watchign what was goign on with the characters. well except for when they totally focus on it (like having two guys going at one girl for a couple of minutes). but it was still a thoughtful movie, and nothing seemed overtly gratouitous.
hahahha, what a rad couple of days.

bah, sitting around with jack shit to do is awesome, takes alot of critical thought out of your daily routine.

mad props to ben and matt for letting me chill, and buffoon.

wudar.

so its mandatory to go out after you finish your finals and just get trashed. i got way too trashed on friday night, and again last night. i think i need to re-evaluate my consumption again, becaus ei was feelin prety crazy with these blood thinners. mostly drunk, but its got an edge to it. i might have to quit with the drinkin’ again, cause i’ve been drinking like i normally would (fifth of something, with miscellanious beers). it was great to cut loose, but shit, i could have hurt myself.

now, i’m fuckign tired though, witht he crazy sleep patterns during finals week, and then going balls out celebrating has taken its toll. i didn’t do shit today, so that was nice. and hell, the next month is going to be a weekend. i stopped wearing my watch, it just doesn’t matter rigth now.

i blew through an RPG in like 4 days here of straight sitting, it was great. best battle/magic system i’ve ever seen in a game, but damn, the story just absolutly blew, no character development, and it only took me 30 hours to beat. so i have mixed feelings about it, but it was a nice distraction, now i gotta get another RPG cause they’re great games to play when you have no responsibilites. mayhaps i’ll go christmas shopping tomorrow and buy myself some shit.maybe i’ll just go cream my shorts or something. maybe i’ll lose my brain for good one of these times. that might be nice.

my knife sits, staring, mocking….

use me…

“but i could cut myself and bleed a whole lot”

i am fun to twirl around

“i love you, and you keep me from biting my fingernails down to their base, but i have to chill on you for a bit”

c’mon chussie, just a few twirls

*puts knife away*

yeah, WHO’S THE MAN NOW?

my fingernails are starting to make a come back now. i am the king of nervous habits, and sitting around has many pitfalls for me. my mind isn’t strong enought o be completley distracted. hmmm, mayb emy mind is so intent on distracting itself that it leaves my body to its own devices. since my body doesn’t have any rational thought, its only device is instinct. i guess my instincts tell me to bite my nails, or chew on something. hahaha, i have an oral fixation i suppose. finals kill my fingernails though.

rollin, rollin, rollin. keep with the runnin, in circles, perpendicular to yourself.

possibly the greatest thing that man has invented is the hot shower. the combination of being bombarded by water tat is at a comfortable temperature, whenever you want it, is just incredible. you having a shitty day? take a hot shower. feelin like you just can’t wash that mcdonalds grease off? take a shower. someone pissign you off? take a shower. good god, its awesome. being able to take a shower whenever i want is one of the greatest freedoms i have. it only takes a minute, or you can sit in there for a half hour. no one bugs you cause you’re naked. taking showers with girls is rad, but that depends on your mood, and the girl too i suppose. shower time is much like time on the crapper. you sit there and you just relax, because whatever problems you have are just left behind at the bathroom door, and you think about whatever teh hell you want.

that’s what’s great about the bathroom. you enter and you go into autopilot. you can sit on the toilet, spend 10 minutes doing a good job shaving, brush your teeth, take a shower, all these things that are things you kind of have to do, since we live in america. but all these things are grooming acts. where you don’t have to think, and its strictly a personal thing. we’re not girls, so bathroom time is alone time. and when you come out, you go back to your life, but you smell better, and just in general feel better.

Ode to a Bathroom

Oh bathroom, how you own me

you are always there when i need to pee

you keep things real, you fill me with glee

you are the most underappreciated room in the home

but you are the hub that everyone will return to, eventually

you can always sit in there by yourself, and ignore the phone

you can read magazines to your heart’s delight

i think most people’s reading would be non-existant without the crapper

step into the shower, you feel like a king, full of vigor and might

step out, and refreshment fills you, and you’re feeling dapper

one of the only rooms that allow for a lock, that can be justified

think of yourself, think of others, think of whateer you want.

it smells, like a mix between excrement and formaldehyde

but its cool because its mostly my fault

you are beautiful and you keep me clean

and i know you’ll be there after a night of beans

*bows*

god writing stuff like that always takes me awhile, that took me like 20 minutes, for that short crappy thing. i think too much about them, probably. but writing stuff with form and structure takes time, time i don’t like to spend, so i put out crappy stuff.

crappy stuff is better than non-existant stuff as far as i’m concerned.

i need a sense of humor back. it’s been so cynical latley, and i mostly just see funny things as cynical humor. it’s good to have that, but without the straight up foolishness sense of humor, you get jaded. and it’s just unecesary. jackassery is in order to cure that. oh wait, not motivated. maybe later. i’ll get around to it, you put things off long enough and then you have to deal with it, kicking and screaming. hahaha, anyone who hasn’t seen it, should. especially people who have experienced college or gotten fed up with it.

wudar, stuff is rad.

keeps me on my toes

DONE!

ALL DONE! one month off now. yessirree, not gonna remember tonight if i can help it.

now if you’ll excuse me, video games call

13 and one half hours left of this quarter. it can’t end soon enough.

i will return.